Ex husband will not hand over DS passport

(17 Posts)
frazzle26 Tue 18-May-10 22:54:23

My ex applied for a passport for our son in March of this year. At first I was dubious as to whether it even existed but then his fiance decided to send me a picture of it!!

He is basically refusing to hand it over unless I agree to sign some sort of agreement that states how often he has DS. I am refusing to do this as the only reason he wants it is so that he can keep his naval married quarter as they only have it presently because his fiance is in the navy and they have a baby but as she is leaving they will no longer be entitled to it as it's in her name. If he can prove he has DS regularly then he will be able to keep it in his name. I won't be bullied into signing anything as he doesn't have DS regularly.

I am planning on taking him to court for the return of the passport if necessary.

This is basically a rant (sorry!!) as I'm so cross about this. I wanted to go to Australia with my mum and DS this summer but have had to settle for North Devon!! It's not like my ex can even take him anywhere himself as he's on deployment with the Navy until the end of August.

I just think his behaviour is so mean, petty and spiteful towards his son. He keeps claiming that he's going to go for custody (yeah right!!) This is coming from the man that left for America 4 weeks ago and hasn't called or emailed DS since.

Oh well, rant over!! Have any of you had any similar experience??

EightiesChick Tue 18-May-10 23:03:59

Not sure this is the ideal solution but could you apply for another passport for your DS and state that the original has been lost? (Well, it has to you...)

Don't know legally who 'owns' a child's passport but probably someone else will. He sounds like an idiot. I would also not be inclined to sign things.

Lauriefairycake Tue 18-May-10 23:09:27

Why doesn't he have DS regularly?

Is there any chance you're shooting yourself in the foot by saying no as then he won't be able to have ds regularly if he loses his home?

GypsyMoth Tue 18-May-10 23:19:13

It belongs to passport office. You can ask them for advise. A solicitors letter reminding him it's not his property may suffice. Sols can be 'caretakers' of passports if nobody agrees where it should stay. Think I read that on wikivorce, lots of advise on this on their forums

Niceguy2 Wed 19-May-10 08:18:16

Is he asking you to sign anything which is untrue?

As Laurie suggests, sometimes it's worth looking at the bigger picture. Depends on exactly what he's asking ofc.

gillybean2 Wed 19-May-10 09:28:31

These are two separate issues and you are right to be angry that he is bullying you into signing something that is untrue, if that is the case. Putting that aside for the moment...

Do you want him to have your ds more or or more regularly? Are you happy with the level of contact currently or are you angry that he is saying he wants more and you worry that his motives aren't for the right reason. You are upset that he hasn't contacted ds while he has been away. Maybe you need to point out to him that regular contact includes contact when he can't physically be there, phone, email, postcard etc.

Ask him what his proposal is to show you that he intends to have and can accomodate your ds more regularly by actually doing it. Ask him to consider what is in your ds's best interests and not his own re house and contact. He should be basing his decisions on contact on what is best for your ds after all. But then again having a home to go to with dad could be in your ds's best interests maybe...?

Regarding the passport you should contact the passport office and ask for their advice. You could say too that his dad is abroad right now so even if you do manage to resolve issues with him he can't get the passport back to you anyhow in time for the holiday. A strongly worded letter from a sol may be enough to resolve this one. Especially if you arrange for the sol to hold the passport on both your behalves.

And a holiday in Devon sounds great, no need to worry about the ash cloud or offsetting your carbon footprint from flying etc. Don't be disappointed if you have to leave australia for another year at this point.

I know you are angry, but as others have said look at the bigger picture.
If you were looking at the prospect of losing your home and had a small baby on the way would you not think your ex unreasonable to refuse you a similar letter? Just make sure you word it specifically. ie address it specifically to the person who needs to see it and advise that currently your ex has ds so many days but now that he is getting older you fully expect this to increase and your ex has requested to see him more regularly and for so many days on average a week. You don't technically have to say you have agreed to this probably.

Bramshott Wed 19-May-10 09:59:29

There is nothing stopping you having two passports as far as I know (many people I work with have 2 as they have to send them off for visas quite often). If I were you I would apply for another passport for your DS.

NicknameTaken Wed 19-May-10 10:28:27

I would talk to the passport office, because as far as I remember, both parents have to sign the application form and if he faked your signature, he's definitely in the wrong.

frazzle26 Wed 19-May-10 10:46:39

I know I may seem like I'm being a little bit childish myself by refusing to sign a letter. However, he doesn't have our son regularly so I don't see why he should be allowed to benefit from him.

I've checked the passport site. From what I can gather, as we were married, all he had to do was send off some ID for himself so as far as i can see, i wouldn't have had to do anything.

May look into getting him another one tho- good idea Bramshott!!

EightiesChick Wed 19-May-10 11:42:00

How often does he have your DS? 'Regularly' is easy to misinterpret and doesn't necessarily mean often. Every three months could be considered 'regularly' but many people woldn't think it was much. Do you want him to see more of your DS? Do you think he just doesn't make the effort?

The idea to get a second passport sounds good. I don't know the law in this area but how do you stand (either of you) with regard to taking your DS out of the country?

Niceguy2 Wed 19-May-10 18:43:05


Apparently you can do so if you have a valid reason. Not sure if they consider "cos my ex wont return it" as a valid reason. You can call up and ask I would think.

>>>I know I may seem like I'm being a little bit childish myself by refusing to sign a letter. However, he doesn't have our son regularly so I don't see why he should be allowed to benefit from him.<<<

If I may be blunt. If he's not asking you to lie then I would say it is short sighted and you are in fact being as childish as he is by not giving you back the passport. So what if he can then get better quarters? Its not like he's asking you to pay for it. Also, surely it would mean your DS stays in a better place on the occasions he does have it.

Ultimately these acts degenerate into a tit for tat battle and the only loser is your son. Sometimes its best to look at the bigger picture.

Missus84 Wed 19-May-10 18:51:46

If the letter he wants you to sign is untrue, then of course don't sign it.

Could you sign a truthful statement about how often your ex has you son and let the Navy sort out the accomodation issue? Surely it doesn't really matter to you whether he and his fiance keep their house or not.

lindsaygii Wed 19-May-10 22:46:23

Refusing to let you have the passport is refusing to let you take ds away on holiday, so it's a matter of Family Law. As you're the parent with residence I don't believe he can do this. Do actually phone the passport office, not just check the website, because it's an unusual situation which needs human input. Also, a call to a family law solicitor.

It's all very well you being expected to look at the bigger picture, but he needs to do that too. And part of the bigger picture is not having a situation where his son learns that it's okay to bully his mum.

Perhaps a personal letter saying something along those lines - about the relationship between you two adults needing to be, well, adult - first?

gillybean2 Thu 20-May-10 09:10:58

OP do you have a court order stating you are the resident parent?

Neither parent has residency unless it has been specifically ordered by a court.
But yes, you can go to court to sort out the passport issue. It may take a while though and the residency issue and contact issues are likely to come up at the sane time...

I suggest you try the passport office and a strongly worded letter from a sol to show you mean business.

swallowedAfly Fri 21-May-10 19:02:45

Message withdrawn

swallowedAfly Sat 22-May-10 07:36:48

Message withdrawn

frazzle26 Sun 23-May-10 09:28:22

Thanks for all your comments. I will be looking into the idea of the 2nd passport. Don't worry about sounding judgemental swallowedAfly- i do think you have a valid point.

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