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Ex does not stick to access arrangements

(8 Posts)
angelictenacity Wed 14-Apr-10 14:27:58

My ex turns up and takes my son when he feels like it, brings him back when he feels like it.
He rejects him and refuses to see him when he feels like it- mainly as his partner doesn't want him there- and he will not communicate with me.

I have a c100 application form.
Can anyone advise me on filling then filing this?

We have an arrangement in place- he has our son every other weekend and each wednesday.
He is meant to have him half of holidays.

Our son is a lovely sensitive boy who is being badly hurt by all this.

GypsyMoth Wed 14-Apr-10 14:30:06

how can you file a c1?

take it ds lives with you? the c1 would be for access??

itsmeitsmeolord Wed 14-Apr-10 14:35:14

What exactly do you want to apply for?

Residency? To formalise the current arrangements?

You cannot get an order that will force your ex to see your child when he is supposed to. If he doesn't turn up there is nothing you can do.

I would stop telling your child that he is coming and try to sell it as a nice event if he does turn up.

ie, if he is due on Sat morning, don't tell your son, just quietly make sure he is ready if your ex does turn up. If he doesn't turn up don't say that he hasn't turned up, just fget on with doing something else with your day.

I know its shite but you really want to try to minimise your sons expectations if your ex is not reliable.

Tanga Wed 14-Apr-10 15:25:17

I really feel for you, angelictenacity, but itsme is right - you can't apply to the court to get a contact order, only your ex can do that.

Some people will tell you to stop contact and let your ex take you to court, but I really wouldn't. You could write ex a nice polite letter outlining the agreement that should be in place, asking him to stick to it wherever possible and offering some flexibility if he wants to rearrange things. You say he just turns up - is it completely out of the blue on random days or does he stick to the arranged days but is often late or cancels? Does he let you know or just not turn up? Might be worth keeping a diary of contact dates/times/excuses etc.

And as previously said, do your utmost to keep any upset to your DS at a minimum. How old is he?

talie101 Thu 15-Apr-10 11:03:30

I used to give my xdh free access to the children but it caused all sorts of problems for all concerned, especially the children who didn't know whether they were coming or going. The children need to have stability and routine. When our Court Order was put in place I stuck to it rigidly at first until my ex stopped messing around. Now we are much more flexible and give each other notice of any changes/cancellations to the agreed access.

If you let your ex come and go as he pleases he will NOT stick to the arrangements. Be firm for the sake of your DS.

I agree with itsme.. as in not telling your DS when ex is coming then he won't feel let down - at least until the situation improves.

No, you can't make him come and visit but you can insist on a routine for your son and not let ex just arrive as he pleases. Sounds like a 'control' thing that happens with most of us on here!

Access sounds more than reasonable so stand your ground - if ex is serious about having contact it will make things much better for everyone.

Good luck.

SolidGoldBrass Thu 15-Apr-10 11:09:11

Agre with the posters who say, outline a reasonable access routine and tell the XP that if he has an emergency or whatever he needs to let you know - but that he can't just turn up whenever he feels like it. And it;s also good to not tell your DS that Daddy is coming unless he appears. You don't say how old DS is but it might be time to start gently telling him that Daddy has a few problems that sometimes make it hard for him to be a good Daddy, but that it is NOT DS's FAULT (because kids invariably feel that it must be something they did that makes a parent not want to see them).

alisonk14 Sun 19-Jun-11 21:42:56

My brother is being messed around by his wife who is changing access on a daily basis. We are at a loss of what to do as she is a solicitor and my brother is having trouble getting independent advice as his wife firm is well known in local area. any ideas what the first step should be for him, this is a father that has been the constant parent as his wife has pursued her career and his son is no doubt struggling with the constant changes. thanks worried sister and aunty!

niceguy2 Sun 19-Jun-11 22:24:41

Alisonk, you may want to start a new thread rather than risk hijacking Angel's thread. Who do the kids currently reside with? Your brother or the ex?

Angel, as other posters have said I think court is a waste of time & money. Your best bet is to stick to the times specified and if he misses them, he misses them. How old is your son? If ex cannot be bothered to see son then reduce contact times to minimise your son's disappointment.

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