Query about travel arrangements re access to DS

[GhostInTheBackOfYourHead]

I may have to write and run but will check back later. I really need some advice please.

I live alone with DD and Ds (2). DS's father finished the relationship with me yesterday. He did not live with us but stayed over several times a week.

I realise that I am far better off without him as he is a total arse and can be sly and manipulative. For this reason I need to be very careful about how I proceed in terms of access.

Now, I have never stopped xDP seeing DS, in fact I have encouraged him to spend more time with him.

I attend therapy twice a week atm and the arrangement is that exDP will continue to look after DS while we wait for the application to go through re a nursery place. The centre where I have my therapy even had us in for a joint meeting last week as in the past exDP has refused to look after his son as it is only for my "convenience"

Anyways, exDP has said he will have DS (but not DD) tomorrow morning but only if I bring DS to him although he has said he'd meet me at the train station closest to him. Originally exDP was going to come here and mind both DCs. However, this will mean we have to leave the flat at about 7am in order for me to get back for therapy at 9.

Would it be seen as obstructing his access if I insisted on him collecting his son? I don't want to be unreasonable but I also don't want DD (not his DD) to have to interact with exDP as he has let her down very badly and I don't want to drag her across London and back unnecessarily. This is assuming I can find other childcare for DD as he has decided he won't be looking after her tomorrow as planned.

I know he's being an arse but what can I do?

[GhostInTheBackOfYourHead]

anyone? he's given me till 2pm to tell him what I'm doing.

[Niceguy2]

What I would say is that for now, find someone to look after both. Tell exDP you don't need him anymore for tomorrow.

Longer term you need to set up a more regular routine and frankly that will probably just involve your DS and not DD.

Whilst you are seeing him looking after DS as access whilst you see your therapist, I can see why he thinks he's doing you a favour.

Access time should be based around whats best for the kids and do-able for the parents. It should not be based around when you have something planned, whatever it is.

It's early days though so dont worry about whether saying no to him tomorrow can be interpreted as denying his contact. Just sort yourself out for now and worry about the longer term.

[GhostInTheBackOfYourHead]

niceguy2, thanks for your response.

Normally DD is at school (easter hols) so he never has to look after her. I guess the access/therapy issue is confusing. I view it as access to DS as exDP chooses not see him any other time of the week. That's why it pisses me off that he has him at my "convenience", it's just as well that i do have therapy as exDp would never see him otherwise. It makes me sad for DS.

I am doing exactly what you suggested and am trying to find alternative arrangements for tomorrow. I just didn't want to appear as if I was obstructing him seeing his son.

Hopefully, I will not need to rely on him for much longer as Ds's place at nursery will be available in the near future.

Right the sun has come out, we're off to the park.

Thanks again.