fed up of blame...anyone the same?

[newyorkshire]

just had enough of ex [again]. there hasnt been any problems for ages between us. then the last time he had the dc he gave my 9 year old a war game age rating 16 on some websites and 12 on others.
Anyway, years ago my solicitor wrote to him asking him not to play unsuitable pc games with dc. anyway, i let my ds play it and the next day he told my dd she was a 'son of a bitch' and it transpires they say that on the game. so i took it away and said he can have it back when he's older.
so i drop off kids this morning with him and tell him not to put ds in that position again...one where ds is stuck between two different parents descisions and 'messing' up his head. so my ex of course turns round and accuses me of doing that not him.
by the way, the dc never want to sleep over at his, my ds was in tears this morning [as usual] becasue he didnt want to go at all and i have put so much energy into making them go yet my ex dosnt see that I am making them go he just blames me, blames me for them not wanting to go etc-everything. So so so so fed up. will it ever ever ever stop or do i just give in and let my children play swaering death, killing games etc and just let them do what ever they like as long as their dad ok's it? do i not have any say or am i constantly having to be made to feel rubbish for actually bringing up the kids by myself and fairly well?

[Niceguy2]

Hi Newyorkshire

Ex's always blame us for everything. I get on fairly well now with my dc's mum but still sometimes she will blame me for all her woes.

At the end of the day it's easier to blame someone else than take responsibility for your own actions.

As far as the games are concerned, I wouldn't let it get to you. Playing a 16 game at 9 is not going to turn your ds into a an axe wielding psychopath despite what the Daily Mail would have us believe.

I let my DS(8) play the latest COD game which I believe is 18.

As for the swearing, yes he may have picked it up from the game but then do you think for one minute he hasn't learned any swearwords from school?

The way I look at it is that your children should learn the swearwords. You don't want them to grow up in a cotton wool bubble where he doesn't understand swearwords but at the same time its the morals & discipline you instil upon them so they know its wrong to use them.

So in my opinion, punishing him for swearing by taking the game off him is fine but blaming it on the game and/or his dad is a stretch too far.

My son once said "F***g Hell!", a phrase he picked up from school. Rather than make a big fuss & stomp off to the school, I just taught him that swearing is wrong.

[newyorkshire]

Niceguy thanks-dosnt the blame thing wear off at any point then?!

Is COD, one the command and conquer games?

The son of a bitch thing was definately off the game and not school. And I neither would stomp off to school or wrap him in cotton wool and yes, I know he knows some swear words and he knows its wrong to say them.

However, I dont want them put in his face when he's meant to be 'playing'! I know its a parental choice thing and people, like yourself may think I am being too fussy, and I know my ds won't grow up to be like the daily mail may suggest but I just think this is my and the dc's house and so I should say whats suitable or not shouldnt I? And without being told I'm messing up their heads because I happen to disagree with their dad on something that still, depsite everything has an age rating older than my ds's age.

I don't know. Maybe I shall just always feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall.

Maybe I should post in am I being unreasonable?

[cestlavielife]

i tend to side with niceguy - point is to explain to him that this is a swear word and you dont want him using it - "in our house we dont use those words and if you use it at school you will get into a lot of trouble" .

tell him - it is used in the game because the game is meant for much older children.

if he is going to play the game he needs to be mature enough to understand what is ok and what isnt. and by the way tell him "you can always ask me if you not sure if it is swearing or not.."

[secretskillrelationships]

Do you think that your DS feels uncomfortable about the situation and wants you to step in? My DCs feel that their dad's boundaries are virtually non-existant and they find that very unsettling. I find that when they return they will push the boundaries much harder with me.

I ask because, ime, most 9 year olds know what language to use where (unlike 5 year olds who might simply repeat something they've heard).