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A FOLLOW ON FROM LOST....N CONFUSED!!!!

(30 Posts)
tjgx Wed 20-Jul-05 21:33:09

HI ALL god where do i start...well had the baby as u know..n called him judge...hopefully he can send his dad down in yrs 2 com hahahaha..on a serious note...things are bad again n im not sure what 2 do!! didnt get my move out so that really upset me!! long story!!..anyway the after ds was born bumwipe asked 2 c him n yes like a mug i took baby round 2 him...there was tears all round i got a massive apology from him which i didnt xpect...i jus said it isnt bout u n me anymore its about judge...well judge is 5 wks this wk..n this is the story so far...bumwipe gives me days n times when he coming 2 c judge then doesnt show ...also doesnt tell me he isnt coming so im left sitting waiting like a lemon...he has done this 11 times so far im counting!!says he is going 2 buy him something then doesnt,says he be here at 8 then turns up at 11 pm....i told him look if ur not prepared 2b a dad 2 him there r others who would step up 2 ur place...he ignores any txts i send concerning the situation n doesnt answer the fone wen i ring thats cause he knows hes wrong...ive told him i cant take much more of this this...ive now said he cant see judge anymore...but i feel guilty...but he has put me through so much...plz read my last thread 2 those who dont no my situation any advice any1 xxx

feebie Thu 21-Jul-05 19:21:27

I'm so sorry your ds's father is such an idiot and also sorry your move didn't work out. Is there any chance that another move could be arranged soon?


I would suggest giving him a list of times during the week that suit YOU to visit his son and tell him to let you know in advance which time periods he will avail of... if he doesn't show up by the appointed hour, go about your business... don't hang around waiting for him. If you don't want to go out.. just don't answer the door to him. He has to realize that you have a life too. Additionally, keep a diary of all his no-shows and any other promises he breaks (and any text/ voicemails he sends you, just in case you end up in court some day, it will be good for your case). In the meantime, you enjoy your beautiful baby boy, he is the most important person in your life right now, keep your distance from the arsewipe and keep any contact short and to the point (re visitation/maintenance etc). Good luck to you and congratulations on the birth of your son.

tjgx Sat 23-Jul-05 15:14:18

hi feebie...many thanx,rite now im about 2 xplode n punch his bloody face in...his sista has just knocked at my door im friends with her shes been good 2 me...now arsewipe has not seen ds 4 2 wks...he broke the arrangesments...so he tols the sis todat that je wants 2 days a week got 2 b the afternoon..as nitetimes he busy!! fxxking cheek he isnt busy doesnt work...its just he wants 2 b with his pals n he sared he missing out...where the hell does he get off telling me he wants 2 days AND he wants afternoons......i want 2 scream now....plus he still not given ds anything ive heard the promises 4 5wks now...but no he can buy puff n sniff n beer...ive had enuff ((

tjgx Sat 23-Jul-05 15:16:11

soz bout the spelling mistakes was angry x

prettyfly1 Mon 25-Jul-05 16:26:39

hi tg i am so in same situation as you and can understand completely how difficult is is to cope with. only difference with mine is he wont see him and wont help even with health information. i think you have to stop allowing it. i am sorry but if he does it now is he going to be any better as the baby gets older. doubt it. and like you said judge jsut like my little one has to come first. dont let yourself hate him he isnt worth it - just do what you have to to protect yourselves and dont let it stop you enjoying him!!!!!!!!!

nightowl Wed 27-Jul-05 02:00:29

hiya tjgx,
im prob not the best person to advise. (really angry with my sons dad at the mo) but people like this rarely get any better in my experience. if he's messing you about now, i doubt he will buck his ideas up. it seems like the novelty is wearing off for him. you and your beautiful baby are probably better off without him. i dont think you should feel guilty about refusing him access. if he cant take his responsibilities seriously then you are doing the right thing. really sorry hes behaving in this way. lots of love xx

MrsATeam Thu 28-Jul-05 01:18:01

tjgx....PLEASE...PLEASE..PLEASE..DO NOT FEEL GUILTY...you are doing the right thing and should not speak to this man anymore..I know that he is the father and it is hard but as far as I have read from your thread he is a total a**hole and does not deserve you or your little one.....I hope that you can decide and make the right decision.....sorry but this man makes me angry

MrsATeam Sat 30-Jul-05 23:09:20

Just following up and hoping that you are okay tjgx

tjgx Thu 01-Sep-05 01:17:23

HI ALL HOPE UR ALL WELLXXXXXXXXXXXXX.....so sorry that i havent been on here...stupid comp was broke just got it repaired!!well im ok n lil judge is coming along a treat...asso is stillbeing an asso...nothing has changed...he still letting me down picking days then not showing up...so ive said enuff is enuff...its took me awile 2 b this strong...and can u bleave the nerve of him...when he has been here,the asso only tries it on with me...plzzzzzzzzzzzz im stupid but im not that stupid,bloody cheek of him..makes my bloody skin crawl...one thing i do laugh at when he does visit judge dont like him he cries hahahahahah,anyway good news got the housing ppl coming out 2 c me monday so fingers x they can do something 4 me...hope everything is good with all of u...are all men like this!!i feel scared of going out there again!!

tjgx Sun 11-Sep-05 00:35:20

HI all,im stiil here still going through same crap as usual...housing been n say they considering it..even though they have a letter from the police....i feel so trapped in this place i want to take my kids and run...they know where i go who i see...whose in my house...n i cant take much more of this...me n his mum the witch had a massive row....ive not got angry like that b4 i think evrthing thats happend 2me in the last year just came bubbling over the top...i feel like going 2 a refuge place just 2 get away from them..my head so messed up with it all..n i donr know what i will do if they dont rehouse me any suggestions any1...

cinderelly Sun 11-Sep-05 01:05:49

hi tjgx, am new to mn so dont know about whats happended in past. From what you've said he is a loser and you need to get away Fast! Dont give him the satisfaction of foning and txting, it will only make you feel worse when he doesnt give you what u need. Ive heard that not all men are like this, but in my experience they are. We obviously mixing in the wrong circles. Just focus on baby and get away from it all anyway you can. Really feel for u xx take care xx

tjgx Tue 13-Sep-05 15:30:53

Hi cinderelly,thanx n welcome to mn x,feel alot better 2day.spoke 2 the police again...they tell me just to hang on a bit longer the council should move me!!so fingers x that they do,its so hard with the mug coming in out of the block, im doing my best 2 keep him away from judge..but he just comes banging on my door...its a no win situation i dont think any of it will change till i move out...i dont want judge getting 2 close 2 him...as i no when i move hes not going to come n c him..but i will do whats best 4 j....will keep u informed of any new news take care xxxxxxxxxxx

tjgx Fri 11-Nov-05 17:40:11

Hi all...hows every1 hope ur all well.....i badly really need help...im at my wits end...n soooooo mixed up....i willtry n keep this short....ok well j is 5 months now n doing great...me howevea not so good...my x has not seen j 4 over 2 month...going through solictors at the moment he wants access 2 him...nothing has changed....x abused me something terrible when j was in pram...n im goin 2 repeat word 4 word wat he sed...first im a slag...i sh..g every1...im a c..t...i better watch my bk cause hes going to get me done...then jumped over js pram n sed im lucky cause if i wasnt js mum he would hurt me,.,,he then went 2 his mum remember shes my neighbour...got knives out n told me 2 call my brother cause he going to do him...i just came in with j n vowed thats it i dont want j around him,,the nite b4 j was born he threatend 2 kill me n the baby i did have him arressted...now heres my problem since i went solictors x has not botherd me....BUT,,his family have..he lil bro n sisters come out when my eldest dds r outside..they say 2 them ur mum a slag she sucks.. c..k ur dad sucks pu..y..ur mums a whore..this is what my girls go through...i rang police safety unit they say each time they say things ring us...i said 2 them u have 2 understand..we cant report them...i fear they will retaliate..2me n im scared...they will know ive called u..they said nothing much they can do...now council have said i could b waiting yrs 4 a move n that im not an emergency police have wrote 2 them twice so has my solictor 2 say we should be moved...they have refused...now 2 top it all off...my dd teacher rang me...she belieaves my dd has an eating disorder now...due 2 the stress..of home...i dont no wat 2 do..,im scared alone n i dont no wat 2 do...my dd teacher said i should leave n get 2 a womens refuge...wat do u all think i dont no wat 2 do plz help...its affecting me also i cant stop crying...x

Nbg Fri 11-Nov-05 17:46:03

My first thoughts before getting to the bottom of your post was, get yourself to a womens refuge.


That sort of behaviour is just not acceptable to you an especially not infront of your children. It's criminal.

Get out now. Tell only those that need to know and just go.

Lucycat Fri 11-Nov-05 17:51:35

Agree with nbg, here's a link for you to Refuge. You and your children need to feel safe.
hth, take care

Nbg Fri 11-Nov-05 17:55:49

Why are they being so abusive towards you?
Is it to do with your ds?


You could possibly look in to getting a restraining order out on your ex and his family. I don't know the in's and outs of restraining orders but I'm quite sure if they're threatening to kill you then I don't see why it can't be done.

tjgx Fri 11-Nov-05 18:46:49

hi thanx 4 ur advise x...where the x is concerned...he has been warned.... that if he does it again then they can get a restraining order on him..as 4 the family...causethe children all young...there isnt much they can do..also the x they can not do alot umless he hits me..an because his mum lives here they cant stop him...its so bad here..ive come home 2 spit all over my door..eggs on my windows i no its them but i cant prove it..its a nitemare 2 live here...my kids dont go out now they trapped in here all the time...as 2 go out theres only 1 way n thats 2 pass her door...i dony go out much now..incase i bump in2 any of them..i am scared on edge...n ihate it that we r living like this...my dd the eldest she almost 14 has just walked in2 me 2 mins ago n sed mum sometimes i feel like killing myself...i really dont no wat 2 do should i pack n go

tjgx Fri 11-Nov-05 19:07:10

im very isolated....n i dont really have any1 2 talk 2....what will happen to my furniture if i leave!!

Nbg Fri 11-Nov-05 19:09:58

Is there anyone you know near you who can help?

I think the best thing to do is pack a bag for each of you and get off to the WR. I'm sure someone there could give you some information and advice on what to do.

tjgx Fri 11-Nov-05 19:22:23

thanx nbgxxxxxxxxxxx...........my nan just lives up the road...shes old....its hard...u no in 1 breath i feel y should i leave my home...but then i have 2 think wat about j..he will grow up with blood family....who abuse me n have no time 4 him....its not an enviroment i want 4 any of my kids...yet council wont help police done all they can so i dont see any other way....n i know they r not going 2 change there ways 2 me...i have j...hes part of them...the only way would b 4 me 2 let asso see him then i will get peace but y should i...all he has done all along is abuse me...n i cant put myself or my kids bk in2 that situation...her downstairs doesnt care at all when x abused me she was there walked away n sed nothing...i cant take no more....ok my x is being very quiet now...but the kids carry it on...n i am scared incaes they outside when i go outside...i no x will appproach me as he hasnt seen j 4 ages...n im scared that wen that happens it will kick off again...

Nbg Fri 11-Nov-05 19:29:24

I'm not one for telling people what to do but you really need to take yourself and your children out of this situation.

Why would you want them living around this sort of enviromentand why would you?

Get out now.

tjgx Fri 11-Nov-05 19:41:36

thanx nbg...i will def...do it...im going to ring them 2nite...n hopefully i can go over the wkend...so if u see no follow up from me it means im at refuge...n as soon as im sorted will get bk on here...many many thanks...will keep u posted as n wen i can..xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nbg Fri 11-Nov-05 20:25:17

Good.
I really hope you do it.

Think of it as the first steps to making your life a better one for you all.

prettyfly1 Sun 13-Nov-05 20:08:55

get out mate. i knows its hard and i am so sorry this is happening to you when you should be so happy but do what you have to. a womens refuge is not forever and like everyone else has told you its the putting the first brick down to rebuild yours and your childrens lives. please dont give up. keep your head up and do what you have to. noone deserves that treatment and he wants locking up. i know its a scary thought but get social services involved. you would be amazed at how fast you will go up the council list.

tjgx Mon 19-Dec-05 00:53:05

HI all..im sitting here not knowing where 2 start this time..its a long 1 so b prepared...ok well first i didnt get 2 go 2 refuge..went 2 stay with my sis 2 get my head round all this..i didnt want 2 take my kids out of there home that way i feel this poxy family have 1..i know ur all thinking silly u 4 not going...but y should i let them drive me out my home!! i want 2 go dont ge me wrong..but i go on the terms that they dont get away with how they have treated me n my kids..so i came home been home a couple of weeks now...x hasnt seen j 4 3 months now solictor has told him it will be in a contact place as he not coming in my home..3 wks since solictor said this n we have heard nothing...ok well the last 2 weeks have been a nitemare 4 me...this time his lil bro n siss really slagging me off...lil bro was on stairs the other day as my dds came in from school he had a baseball bat in his hand n sed he was going 2 fking hit her over the head with it..then his bigger siss n her boyfriend n friends came 2 the window shouting 2 my kids u fking tramps watch yeah u lot going 2 get it..i told my girls 2 come in n 2 ignore them ..my youngest finds it hard as she fiery n wont tolerate abuse...so i rang police nreported them b4 they came out i had an abusive fonecall withheld their num im positive it was the mum calling me a slag a whore im going 2 b dead,n that i best watch my bk..police came took my statement..she will b getting a home visit from them which does scare me a lil as i know now i will get shouted out as a grass n im scared of the reprecussions but u know what this way i get my move,n they get done 4 harrassment at the same time...went n told my solictor also n she going 2 write 2 them under the harrassment aswell if it continues i have grounds 4 restraing order,i feel so low imtrying 2 b brave..but i live here alone n rite now im weak ..2 top it off..i bumped in2 a lady i know who knows them.n x has a new girlfriend been with her since september,3 months infact.and tis girl is now pregnant 2 him,shes exactly 3 months..u no wat i couldnt get my breath..my x was never my boyfriend im telling u alot of personal things here but im being onest he wasnt,,he was some1 i slept with..b4 i got pregnant with judge my grandad who 2me was my dad..got very ill n died going with the x was an escape 2 wat was going on at home as i was going out getting drunk i went off the rails abit as i knew i was loseing my dad..n i couldnt face wat was happening with him ..i found out i was pregnant 8 wks after he died..2 me it happend 4 a reason i was meant 2 have j..ive 2 girls..he was a boy n he was born on fathers day,so haveing him meant something ..hes very special 2 me so r my girls but i waited 14 yrs 4 j 2 come along..im sitting here,,n i dont know y im feeling like i do,im crying i feel hurt,i feel like i been betrayed,dont get me wrong i dont want x at all..i just feel him n his family have put me through a yr n half of hell 4 haveing j as x didnt want him i was all the names under the sun..n only 12 wks after j being born he has sombody else pregnant..apparently hes happy n he loves her..but i know this sounds stupid n bloody pathetic but i feel jealous,i dont understand y im feeling like this..bu yet i hate him 4 how he has treated me n j...i cant wait till im gone from this awful mess im in n i feel really bad as i feel that ive created this situation 4 my baby..n i felt so bad that ive brought him here 4 this..i dont want 2 feel like this..i feel sick..

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