Contact order advice

[andie17]

Hi,

I'm sorry to come on here first time and ask for advice straight out.

I am a single mum of a 2 year old. His dad left about 18 months ago over several issues including money and another woman. I have been raising my son since and working part time. When we first split my xp saw little one every weekend and popped by in the week. Since then it has got less and less and he now only sees him every other weekend.

I am only 25 and I am shattered and frustrated all the time as when I got pregnant, we were going to get married and have the fairytale life, I did not have a baby to become a young single mum I don't have any family to help me look after little one or a new partner and I was wondering if it is possible to get a contact order from the contact order from the court making ds dad see him more. I just don't feel that it's fair that I have to do most of the work and looking after when he made a baby to. Is this possible, to make him take equal responsibilty by law?

Sorry for the length and if I seem silly, I'm just reaching breaking point.

[SingleMum01]

Andie - I feel for you, I too have been in this situation (my DS is now 7, we split up when he was 1 and I work Part-time).

You can get a court order detailing visits, but I think its doubtful you can actually enforce your ex to see your child.

My x manages to see my DS for an hour a week if I'm lucky. I found it very hard, was shattered most of the time until my DS started school.

Can you book extra nursery sessions just to give yourself a break?

PS - you don't seem silly at all, I know how exhausting it is being a lp, especially when they are little, but honestly you will look back on it in a few years and be very proud of what you've achieved - on your own.

[tartyhighheels]

Well you can get a contact order specifying more contact but yu cannot make your XP actually do it - you certainly cannot make him do it without really resenting you and the child - so in short it is a no.

I have been on my own with two children, one of whom has really serious health stuff going on so i could never even access a baby sitter let alone proper childcare so i do undertsand how stressful this is for you. I too have no family only an 86 year old nana who needs help from me. However, the other way of looking at it is that yo get all the pleasure of raising your child and he is missing out big time.

I would suggest you try and find some more company to be around, toddler groups or somwthing like that and also try and access maybe some counselling for yourself to try and improve your feelings around all this. Without sounding preachy you do need to just get on with this and do your best, it is all any of us can do, wasting energy on forcing your ex to do more is taking away energy you need to recharge your own batteries. tey to get some help for yourself though - i do know this is hard when you feel someone is shirking their responsibilities and leaving you to take up the slack.

[andie17]

Thanks guys. Just a bit of a loss at the moment, I've just reached a satge where I feel like walking to his house and handing my son to him and saying 'I've done it for 70 weeks, now it's your turn!' It's not that I don't love my little one at all and I don't want to give him up, but I just want some of my life back. I hate the fact that the guys can get to just walk away scott free and no one bats an eyelid y'know?

[GypsyMoth]

I'm lone parent to 5. No family support either, but they are getting older now, and teenagers can help. You can't force him.

[SingleMum01]

Andie - it is hard, but so worthwhile. There are various chats on the lp threads - get yourself on there and have a moan whenever you feel the need, lots of us in your situation will moan with you

[STIDW]

The bottom line is no court will award contact to a parent who doesn't want it because forcing an unwilling parent to care for a child is not likely to be in the child's best interest.

However, legally when there is a contact order it is no longer true that it isn't possible to enforce committment to contact. In England & Wales the Children and Adoption Act 2006 amending the Children Act 1989 was directed partly against the contact parent who will not comply with the arrangements as well as the parent with the majority of care who prevents contact.

Since December 2008 either or both parents can be directed to attend an activity such as parenting classes and all contact orders with an attached warning notice are served on both parties. That means when there is a breach of an order either party can apply for an enforcement order (community service) or financial compensation for any money lost as a result of a breach.