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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Weekends just seem so LONG

18 replies

MudandRoses · 13/03/2010 22:14

Guess I'm not really a single parent, but DS's dad works overseas for weeks at a time. I am sitting here on a saturday night and i'm just so bored and lonely and tired.

I do have good friends around but they are all in couples and on weekends they want to do family stuff. I am with DS for most of the week as he's not in school yet and I'm not working, and the weekends just seem to drag. By the end of today I was shouting at DS, he was being a little bugger but it was also cos I was so tired and frustrated.

Oh, i know there's no point to this rant, but thanks for hearing me out.

OP posts:

Report

Niceguy2 · 13/03/2010 23:25

You guessed right, you are not a single parent.

newyorkshire · 14/03/2010 08:19

Niceguy, thats a bit harsh? Mudandroses, poor you, yes it can be lonely and feel isolating when you are with a small child by yourself. There are loads of threads on here about this. Try taking your mind off the negatives and focus on the positives-get into a good book, start a hobby, get a baby sitter once in a while? I don't know, different people do different things to help themselves to get by. I hope things get better for you.

MudandRoses · 14/03/2010 20:32

Thanks Newyorkshire. Things are a bit better today, I just needed to have a rant and to , I don't know, connect with people that understand what it's like.

Niceguy2, don't really see the point of your post. If you haven't got anything nice to say..etc.
And is your name meant to be ironic?

OP posts:

RebeccaRabbit · 14/03/2010 22:11

Actually, Mud, don't assume that your friends who have their husbands around at weekends won't want to meet up with you. DH and I enjoy doing things with DD but weekends are long, as you say, with children so are happy to meet up with other people and their kids to do something.

Niceguy2 · 14/03/2010 23:19

My point is that real single parents have to somehow pay all the bills on their own, have custody issues, maintenance issues and sit there on their own EVERY night after the kids have gone to bed.

Sorry if I sound harsh, its not personal. I just have a low tolerance for those who think they are practically a lone parent when in fact their world is very different.

onadietcokebreak · 14/03/2010 23:52

Niceguy2 - I think you are being too harsh on the OP.

Alot of people who are in relationship can feel as isolated as loneparents- sometimes more so.

The OP probably doesnt get recongised as possibly being lonely- her friends prob dont think "X's DP is away this month- I wonder if she can do with a break"

onadietcokebreak · 14/03/2010 23:53

And Mud...you have just kicked me into thinking about my friend whos husband works away...will see if she wants to do something next weekend

ninah · 14/03/2010 23:54

I'm with niceguy on this actually

onadietcokebreak · 14/03/2010 23:58

Ninah- thats fine.

But paying bills on low incomes, maintenance and custody battles, and feeling lonely are not just Lone parent issues.

The OP may have been better posting this in a difference topic but her content is still the same. She is lonely and struggling. Just like most mums find themselves at some point. I think harsh words were unnecessary.

GypsyMoth · 15/03/2010 00:01

i'm kinda with niceguy too...i mean,if there was an accident or major problem,your dh would be back to support you. lone parents dont automatically have that

you can call him to talk over worrries/issues,another form of support we dont have....

you dont have the minset and thought processes as a lone parent because you have backup,albeit,miles away,but emotionally,you can connect with someone who is thinking same way as you

RebeccaRabbit · 15/03/2010 07:29

But she's still lonely and fed up and bored and her DH is out of the country so there's nothing he can do to help. So she comes on here to share and instead niceguy turns it into the Pain Olympics which, of course, only the Lone Parents can win (or enter for that matter)

onadietcokebreak · 15/03/2010 09:34

Kind words and compassion cost nothing.

I have friends whose partners work away....their issues are no less than my issues. They are still deserving of support and advice.

QueenofWhatever · 15/03/2010 10:03

I'm with both mudandroses and niceguy here. She's not a lone parent and doesn't know the ongoing strain. But that doesn't mean her life isn't hard at times. Those sort of weekends are awful.

My ex used to work away a lot and it can really grind you down. The upside of being a lone parent is you can do what you want and don't have to justify your actions.

But I'm glad mudandroses doesn't know what it's like. As we say on the Stately Homes thread, we don't get competitive about the levels of abuse we've suffered, but we will still be taken seriously.

Apply compassion and wisdom, it worked for the Buddha so maybe we should try.

HanBanan · 15/03/2010 10:04

My dad works away and my mum would say she felt lke a lone parent bringing up 3 kids on her own for most of the time. Yes she didn't have all the financial difficulties and heartache of being single but daily life was still a struggle for her.
She had to control all the finances, do all the house maintenance, work, sort out us kids, evenings alone missing dad etc etc that are comparable to our lives as lone parents.
It was almost like living two different lives - lone parent family when dad was away, happy holiday family when dad was home. Not that we weren't happy when he wasn't there but you know what I mean. I remember the mad spring cleaning sessions before he got back to make it look like we were always that tidy!!
Actually we are all very proud of what mum achieved, and of course what dad sacrificed working abroad for long periods of time.

Back to the OP get some girlfriends round when you're on your own, without their partners, and have a good chinwag and a bottle of wine n dinner. And when hubby's back make the most of it because the good times are even better when you wait for them.

onadietcokebreak · 15/03/2010 12:48

Also OP have you told your friends how lonely you feel? They may not realise,

notevenamousie · 15/03/2010 12:56

It's not a competition - but it is also one of my bugbears that people say "I'm practically a single parent" but will take the money, co-parenting and emotional support, etc..
That said, lone parents ARE a good source of people who also find weekends tough and might definitely be up for listening, supporting, and some company at the park - if you don't put their backs up first like you have done here!

cestlavielife · 15/03/2010 13:05

agree with you need to sepak up to your friends - you rpesumably know the dates your H is goign to be away - so send an email roudn your friends -

"H is going to be away on these weekends - can we fix something up to meet ? "

if you arrange something in day time so you both tired then the evening "alone" will be fine.....

talie101 · 16/03/2010 18:43

I agree with niceguy too....but I'm sure not meant to be harsh... just a fact.

There is a big difference in doing everything on your own with NO support and feeling lonely....to doing things on your own temporarily with support at the end of email/phone or having a partner/spouse to come home to on the other occasions. etc etc.

Hard for anyone to feel lonely but post needed to be elsewhere and not in loneparents... you'll probably get lots more help and advice in another thread.

Hope you find ways to not feel so lonely and bored.

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