reverse custody

[amaixjs]

My husband and I have been seperated for 4 years and we both live with our new partners.Our 10 year old daughter lives with me. My 85 year old mother also lives with me and needs care. My husband lives the other side of London, about 90 minutes away by public transport.
We have never had a formal seperation or custody agreement, but I have always encouraged contact and she often stays with him at weekends.Unfortunately, though, he makes lots of excuses to have her for just one night over the weekend, as he says he needs a social life. Recently he took her on holiday which he seems to think gets him "off the hook" for a few weekends. he says travelling to where we live takes up too much time, and many other excuses (he needs to work overtime etc). I am very sad that he wants to curtail the time he spends with her, not only becuase she loves him and wants to be with him, but, selfishly, becuase I too would like some kind of a social life. I also believe she finds it confusing to be sent home a day early.
When it bring it up(nearly always on email) it descends into a slanging match. It seems bizarre to be looking for ways to make him spend more time with her, but that is the situation. Is there a precedent? Any advice welcome.

[ninah]

just one night every weekend sounds OK tbh
waht does she do, travel over on the saturday and come back sunday pm?
Appreciate things must be difficult with care of your mother also.
Ironically, if your dd belonged to you and dp not dh your social life would entail making arrangements with friends/babysitters - anyone around who could help you out? this might make you feel less dependant on ex and therefore less resentful

[Niceguy2]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

No court in the land can or will make him spend more time with your daughter.

[FairyTrucker]

I agree with nice guy. I couldn't make my x visit the children every month never mind every week, so I have 'officially' made the visits every 8 weeks. When I say officially, I tell the children, 'daddy comes to see you every eight weeks!' and five weeks after he's last been a member of my family texts him to remind him. He seems to miss them after 7 weeks. Obviously I know that is quite crap... but their hopes aren't raised and dashed for nothing once a month. This seems to 'work' iykwim. He doesn't pay any maintenance either.... He has really cast himself in the role of a distant uncle or something. But there is no way I could make him improve. NO WAY. ANd I aint gonna have a nervous breakdown trying.