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Newly single, any advice?

(3 Posts)
Twinklea Mon 11-Jul-05 18:55:19

Hi all. After almost 12years together, my bf walked out on me 3 weeks ago, leaving me with 4 children, no money and a few debts to sort out. He is sleeping in his car at the moment, and left me basically so he can life the life he wants with none of the responsibility of a family. I wouldnt mind, but i have raised my kids from birth by myself anyway. All he ever did was play with them occasionally. I know I'll get over this, and that I'm better off without him, but does it get easier? He isnt here for me to share the ups and downs with anymore, and my kids all blame me for him leaving and are playing me up as a result. I've had to apply for benefits and am currently living on £50 a week until thats sorted out. my girls are 9, 3, 4 and my son is almost 14 weeks. I am so angry, and hurt by the way hes behaved. It really annoys me that i put up with so much from him, and now this. He comes round and sees the kids when he feels like it, he wont answer their questions when they ask why he left us, and i have to ring him every night just so that the girls can say good night. Sometimes he doesnt even bother answering his phone, and they go to bed upset even more then. I'm sick of hearing people say 'your better off without him' and 'you'll be fine, it just takes time' but its so lonely all the time. night are so bad that i go to bed with my kids now, just so i dont have to feel so alone. Nobody seem to understand, and this is the 1st time i've been on my own. i was with my ex from when i left home. Any advice for getting thru the 1st few month?

wobblyknicks Mon 11-Jul-05 18:58:15

Is the £50 a week from child benefit, that should be higher for a start for 4 kids. Also, have you applied for CTC, you should be able to get emergency payments until they process your claim.

Sorry you feel so lonely, felt like that myself when I left my ex. Thing I found helped me most was really working out what sort of things made me happiest to do - like listening to music, watching films, making things etc - and do some of that every night.

Loobie Mon 11-Jul-05 20:10:00

First off i would stop him strolling in and out whenever he feels like it,arrange times he will visit and times the girls will phone him or him them,speak to the kids tell them what has happened to a level that they will understand,it is surprising how much they understand and will settle down once the have a little understanding of what is happening.If you can stabilise them it makes life a bit better all round.
As for getting your benefits sorted phone them every day,hound them till they get your claim sorted cause no-one can live on £50 a week with 4 kids.Ask them for emergency payments,i believe you can get them from tax credit,but i know you can definately get them from dss,ask for a crisis loan for living expenses.
Get a friend real life or virtual and talk all night on msn or the phone,decorate,take up reading these are the things i do to take my mind off being alone.Ive been separated for 3 years now and when nights start to get long ususally more so the winter time or wet days i get a good book or pick a room to make over.
Most of all take care of all your little people and yourself and yes it does get easier with time especially if there has been a lot of tension before the breakup.I know love being on my own with the kids,no tension,sunny days full of fun,no one to answer to or please but ourselves.

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