feel like shit, look like shit, and have to be ready to continue alone why did i put myself through this again!

[itshappenedagain]

25 weeks pregnant, father gave ultimatum of get rid or goodbye, yet has remained in contact dispite my decision. most of the time im fine, im looking forward to having another child...yet am more realisitc about things this time around...yet somedays i worry, panic and feel awful that i made this decision and therefore it will be my fault that both children grow up with no father in their lives.
ex has said that he never wants children and that he didnt ask for this and he doest deserve this( used in both contexts) and cant understand why my family can be so supportive of me, when he isnt even going to tell his.
would i be better to cut him off completely and carry on, or should i still allow him to call. i know he will never be father of the year but i cant beleive i have made the same mistake twice, and that ist worse the second time around as we ahyve been friends for a long time before.
sorry for the long post and the moaning but just had to get it all out of my head.

[poshsinglemum]

He sounds like a shit friend tbh.A true mate would stick by you even if you weren't together.

Ok- I know it isn't ideal but I know other mums with two kids by different dads and not with either but they are doing great.

Mabe you need to look at why you are going for loosers and mabe do some councelling to try and break the pattern? Mabe have a man break for a while and just think of your lovely dc.

[SolidGoldBrass]

If he's coming round only to whine at you and tell you how much he doesn't want to be a dad, then definitely tell him to piss off. Why put up with it?
He may calm down and start behaving sensibly later, but there's no need to sit through his moaning in the meantime.

[jamestkirk]

as friends go he sounds like a complete twat to put you in that position. i'd concentrate on the kids and get him out of your life for good, he should support you as a partner/friend or clear off and let you find someone who does deserve you and the kids.

[EcoMouse]

He's got an issue with your family supporting you? On top of everything else the fact he's got a personal problem with this is worrying. Does he not want you to have any support?!

If he's not bringing positivity your way, cut him off at least for now. It sounds as though he's hanging around and hedging his bets rather than doing anything for you, in fact actually seeking to make things more difficult for you. Very selfish!

You need to make yourself and your child your priority. Don't pander to his self pity and pronouncements on how you choose to deal with the situation he has left you with.

From experience, I'd say put you foot down sooner rather than later, set the boundaries now for how you expect you and your family to be treated.

[Mongolia]

How old are you? how old is the ex? I guess he had no other children?

I agree he is acting like a main league twat, BUT there is always the possibility that he may start to bond with the baby once he has contact with it.

I have a friend who acted exactly as your ex, put a lot of pressure in "getting rid", at the end they didn't, he kept insisting he didn't want to know... then baby is born, he lies his eyes on him and... falls in love with him as an idiot. Got married soon after, and he is still incredibly proud of his 17 year old. So, don't write him off yet.

BUT

If he has some personality traits that would make him a nuisance in the future: Drugs, domestic violence, and things of the sort. Let him go and do not even contemplate the idea of putting his name in the birth certificate.

[iliketurquoise]

agree with Mongolia.

[nickschick]

Fuck him off.

Concentrate on you and your family.

See what happens when your new baby arrives maybe he will grow a pair and youll live happily ever after maybe he wont and your Mr Right is just around the corner.

Meanwhile never give anyone else the power to make you feel like shit....you are not irresponsible you cant control what goes through their minds.

[cheekychoppies]

Please please please kick him to the kerb - don't ban him from your child's life, but let him believe you will if he carries on like this.

I was faced with the same decision (I'm 32 and he's 37 so no excuse whatsoever), thank god I now have my beautiful baby girl but my only regret was not getting rid of him.

I constantly made excuses and allowences for him and because of this he ended up taking advantage of the situation, all because I still loved him and hoped he would snap out of this new appalling behaviour - he didn't and as a result he now has no respect for me. Our baby is now 6 months old and situation is awful.

If I told him where to go straight away I still think he would be around now, but I'm certain he would have a hell of lot more respect for me, and who knows we may had even got back together if I gave him something to fight for?

And please please please (!!!) don't register your baby in his surname, I did, against everyone'e advice, again because I loved him - that love has now turned sour and I am left with a child's name that I despise! Learn from my mistakes x

[want2sleep]

My ex always said he would love to have kids, ds wasnt planned and when I told him he said it's me or the baby! my ex booked my in for abortion on Christmas eve...I refused.

He left me for another woman when I was 5 months (he kept to his word). He married her, had another child and now divorced!

He saw his ds 17 times in 5.5yrs! He doesnt support ds and he even tried to get ds taken from me (reported me to social services) this man is pure evil!! I even went through solicitor to try and get him to have ds...need all the help you can get with a disabled child.

He eventually admitted via solicitor he did not want contact...he doesnt even send a birthday card!

Your ex is saying similar things...get shot ASAP and save yourself a lot of heartache.

[itshappenedagain]

hello again all, thankyou so much for the honest replies...brought me back to reality.
i gave Los father the choice of do things my way or stick to your word and fuck off we will cope.

the next day he called...is now paying for baby things and will be fucking off once he has lightened his conscience. which is fine with me. i also informed him that once a decision is made that he has to stick to it or i will just disappear, like he said he was going to. so all in all i feel better...although still have days where i feel i wont cope...but i will have to.

also informed him that he wont be going on the birth certificate as i dont want him making decisions about Lo when he couldnt make tham about himself.