KEEPING MY DS SAFE - WORRIES

[whygodwhy]

Hi, any advice would be really good. I am ending a very abusive marriage, and am just about to agree legally all the details, financial settlement and access etc.

My DS is 6 and due to the nature of how my DH has been massive drinker and rarely at home by DS is used to being with me constantly aside from the odd bike ride with his Dad, I am proposing that he sees his Dad on a Wednesday evening and every other weekend, initially WEdnesday nights after school at my house, I will go out for this time and then alternate Saturdays and Sundays during the daytime, to increase to include Saturday nights when DS is happy to do so and then after more time to include Friday nights as well and then to also include overnight stays on a Wednesday. I feel that it is essential that they have a good relationship and will do everything to make this happen.

However, as my DS is not at all happy with the idea of being away from me, I think it is best to take it at his pace and to move in little steps.

DH is saying he will have him for all the days and nights from the start as its his right, he is very vicious when discussing this saying he will end up loving him more and not want to know me etc etc. which is awful to hear but after being so abusive to me DS is the only tool he has left to get me with. I just want DS to have two amicable parents.

He also says he will not pay me maintenance if I don't hand him over to stay over night whether DS wants to or not.

Where do I stand on this, the best thing would be for a happy little boy to leave my house smiling, stay the weekend with his Dad and come back smiling, but I simply can't handover a sobbing child and don't think its right at all.

If I agree to this acess legally do I have any leg to stand on if DS doesn't want to stay overnight initially? ie. do I have to make him go, what happens if I don't force him.

[iliketurquoise]

he is a drinker.
he behaviours are unreasonable.
i dont think you or your child can have a healthy relationship with him.
if i were you i would agree only for supervised access.
there are many threads here about simliar situations like yours, you can read and get some ideas.
although it is nice and ideal to have good realtionship, but it doesnt seem possible with a person who have alcohol problems.
good luck.