my ex is an alcoholic - just discovered

[notsohotchic]

hi all,
anyone else got this problem ?
He has been having our children overnight (9,6 and4 )3 nights a fortnight since we seperated more than 2 years ago. I posted on here about suspecting his drink problem before, but really didn't believe he would drink when they were with him, not to excess. Little did I know.
He collapsed on Saturday at 7pmish in the kitchen. He was on his own in the house with them and they heard the crash and got help from the neighbour. I managed, luckily to get there very quickly when the neighbour rang to say he'd been taken to hospital. I thought something serious must be wrong but his parents rushed to the hospital to find he was infact just extremely drunk.
I have told him and told my solicitor that I am suspending the contact (except perhaps supervised) until he sorts himself out. It came out from the children when I tried to explain the situation yesterday that he'd been drunk in the disco bar this last Summer with them, on his own, IN SPAIN! Unable to get them upstairs to apartment until a 'kind lady' helped them. My eldest was trying to hush up the others so God knows what else she has seen.
He had assured me he would not be drinking on the holiday. I believed him. I thought he cared about them.
I am so shocked and disgusted by his behaviour. I have had little to do with him in the past year and had no idea he'd gone this far off the rails. I feel so bad/ stupid.

[DutchGirly]

I don't have the same problem but it may be an idea to get in touch with www.al-anonuk.org.uk/ for advice how to deal with this.

I can totally understand why you are suspending contact, it is completely unresponsible of your X to let his kids see him in that state. Don't blame yourself, alcoholics are very good at hiding their drinking problem.

It may be an idea to tell your kids that their daddy is ill and that he needs some time to get better.

[notsohotchic]

thanks dg, yes I will try to explain further that its an illness. I will check that site. Like most alcoholics he is in total denial.

[Janos]

Oh god how awful.

If it's any consolation, you have done exactly the right thing. He obviously can't be trusted to look after them.

Your poor DCs. And poor you, having to deal with aftermath.

[mummyfantastico]

It is not your fault, you are not bad or stupid. We have to believe our kids dads unless there is real proof that they are lying or we would go crazy. It is a horrible situation for you and your dc to be in.

[mmrred]

You have my every sympathy. My X was like this...but if it makes you feel better he went on one long bender after we split, but after a year or so got himself together, lovely new g/f, restarted contact and DD still has a relationship with him.

Maybe this (stopping contact)he needs.

[notsohotchic]

tHanks people, good to get feedback from other single parents...
Mmrred, that must be a relief.
I really hope this will get him sorted as he won't be able to deny being drunk in court (if he wants to take it there) We seperated about 3 years ago infact, and he moved out 2.5 years ago. It seems his drinking has spun out of control in the last year (since I started seeing my bf,infact, who he can't stand) I really, truly thought that by now everything would be running smoothly, with proper communication. Sadly not. I am sfraid of what he will do next. It could go either way.His father killed himself when he was not much older than ex. Have thought about it and decided that he can't see them AT ALL until he admits his problem. He would just play the victim card with the children and say I was lying or something. His mother thinks he has narcissistic personality disorder. I looked it up and there are certainly signs of that behaviour as long as I've known him. He can never be wrong.