Child Support etc...

[NoDoubt9901]

I have been separated from my ex for 2 years now and we still haven't been able to sort out money and him seeign the children. Things are very on and off between us in the way that sometimes we can barely utter 2 words to each other without world war 3 breaking out and other times we get on well and can take the children out together with no issues. But because of this good/bad/good/bad relationship between us, it makes approaching the issue of financial support very difficult. He is self employed and I have no idea how much he earns, he will occasionally buy me a week's shopping or pay the childcare fees for me if I am strapped for cash but there is no regular cash flow coming my way. I have brought the issue up several times but he tends to get on the defensive and then I don't see any money at all for a couple of weeks. Because it's so volatile between us I really don't want to rock the boat.
I also want to sort out regular contact with him and the children but he doesn't seem keen. He will come round a couple of times a week in the evening to see them and is perfectly happy to babysit for me, as long as he has them at my house though... He lives in a shared flat and to be honest, it isn't suitable for the children to be staying there so I can see his point when he says he doesn't want them there. But this means that I get no actual break, I would love to have a weekend so I could catch up with work that is forever piling up because I don't have the time to do it but can't see how this is possible when my ex can't take them.
Is it doomed to be like this forever, plodding along and being grateful for any money or babysitting that does come my way?

[Niceguy2]

I'd be very careful with going to the CSA with someone who is self employed. The CSA are about as effective as a chocolate fireguard sometimes, even less so with the self employed who can cook their books, delay paying themselves etc. to minimise/avoid paying.

So you may end up starting another world war and get no payments. Sometimes sporadic payments are better than none at all.

It all depends on if he's the type who would be scared by official institutions like the CSA or if he'll see it as his new mission in life to avoid them.

[mamas12]

I don't know the circs of your break up but it looks like he is controlling you through finacial means.
Stop dancing to his tune, work out what you think is reasonable maintenance and then tell him he will be getting a solicitors letter explaining this and you expect it to be sorted.
Two years is a long time to still be tied financially to him.
Would he go to mediation at all?