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New boyfriend issues, advice needed!

(4 Posts)
PintandChips Wed 04-Nov-09 12:04:51

I've been separated from my DS's father for 6 months, not quite amicably, but he's a brilliant father and our DS stays with him 3 days/nights a week. The split had been coming for ages and we both wanted it.
I met someone else fairly quickly, and have been seeing him for nearly 4 months now.. i stay with him the 3 nights DS is at his dad's. We are both really happy and excited about the relationship, it is brilliant, but there are a few issues: he is 10 years younger than me (i'm nearly 40), and has no experience of kids at all... he wants to meet my son but we are both nervous about it... i'm scared that he'll run a mile when he sees me being a mum, he's petrified that he won't know what to do or say and my son won't like him.
i'm also nervous about the age difference, and that makes me wary of introducing him into my life as i kind of think he'll meet someone younger eventually anyway...
We have talked about it... he is insistent that he's never felt like this about anyone before and he doesn't care about the age difference.
We don't live in the same city either, so i'm kind of living two lives at the moment...
i don't know if i should make the leap and let him into my family life, and if i do, then when should that happen, and what do i say to my DS, and do i need to tell his dad first?
Anyone been here before?

persephonesnape Wed 04-Nov-09 12:24:05

glad things are going well for you and you're moving on with your life!

It took me a year and a bit to introduce anyone to my children - but I am incredibly over cautious! how old is your Ds? that can have a bearing on how long you think is appropriate. It's completley up to you - I would probably say 6 months is a good bench-mark, but that can differ for different people.

I would also do your ex the courtesy of discussing with him. it's absolutely none of his business who you spend your time with..and as matters are fairly amicable, I would give him his place as father of your child to let him know what your intentions are. this doesn't mean that he can stop you, when you do choose to introduce new lovely (young!) man to your DC- but it does mean that he will feel involved.

don't worry about new beau being ten years younger - just enjoy your new relationship and feel my internet envyI over analyse everything and I know I'v emissed out on some amazing freindships because of that.

PintandChips Wed 04-Nov-09 12:42:55

thanks Persephonesnape.

DS is 3, and he won't really pay much attention to the BF for ages, he won't talk to people he doesn't know really well, so i'm not sure how much either of them would get out of meeting anyway.

i was thinking 6 months too, so that i am more sure of my feelings of luuuurve. I think i will wait a bit longer - it's hard when the two people you most want to spend your time with in the world have to be kept separate, but i guess that caution has to win out in these situations for the sake of DS.

Thanks again.

Biobytes Fri 06-Nov-09 16:49:15

I don't know. First relationship after the split I met new man when he was with his children and I with mine. The children became friends at the same time we became interested in each other. So, everything was very natural from the very beginning and it just felt right. I got very attached to his children and I think he also did to my child. It worked fantastically well until... we split.

Second time, was a bit different. Being cautious after previous relationship, we have been very careful about when, where, how and thousands other questions about how to minimise the possible trauma of the parents finding another person. It sucks, the only thing that makes me wonder whether this is the relationship of my life is that I feel we are always walking over egg shells over the kids, which to be honest, doesn't seem to mind as much as we do.

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