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Ex won't let go advice please

(5 Posts)
valleyqueen Mon 02-Nov-09 17:21:40

Hello this is my first post after a few months lurking .
I have split with my partner after 2 years living together he was not the father of my dd, and to be honest she never really took to him and he never made much of an effort with her (he was really nice to her just didn't ever join in with stuff) which was a very small part of the reason I finished the relationship.

He moved out in September and he just will not leave me alone,he is telling people we are still together and refers to me as his lady on facebook,I have tried being nice,horrible,distant you name it. Its descending into stalking. Any ideas how I get the message across (nicely). He is now trying to use the fact that I am skint as a reason to move back. Skint but happy.

PlasticBandit Mon 02-Nov-09 17:42:03

I do feel for you and understand your concerns about lack of effort and input by your xp with your dd. There is probably a very good reason that she never took to him - he wasn't interested in her; I guess he was only interested in you.
You sound like a decent person (you want to get the message across nicely). Sometimes "nicely" doesn't work.
Can I ask a few questions?
- in what ways have you been nice, horrible and distant?
- is he really stalking you? What is he doing?
- what are your reasons for checking out his facebook?
If he really won't leave you alone and is actually stalking you, that is a serious matter that probably won't just go away.

valleyqueen Mon 02-Nov-09 17:53:25

Ok maybe not stalking yet.I left him as a friend on FB because I thought we could remain friends,when it became clear he wasn't happy with that I deleted him but he still has a few of my friends on there and they saw it,they knew he was referring to me because he mentioned a haircut I had (he saw a photo of me and my friend on her profile).

On Saturday night I went to a family party he texted me about 5 times,my phone was upstairs in the coat pile so I didn't know the next day he called me up crying saying I was ignoring him and I told him to stop feeling so blimmin sorry for himself (I thought that was quite horrible) I have also tried not answering my phone and I have tried chatting to him nicely but in a casual way. Maybe he needs to know I now feel uncomfortable.

PlasticBandit Mon 02-Nov-09 18:25:26

Hi valleyqueen,
It does seem as if you have done nothing wrong apart from being too kind to this man.
If the relationship really is over, then you have to tell him, in direct terms and tell him not to contact you. Right now, staying casual friends with him is probably not do-able. He is hanging around, contacting you and getting some feedback; this is keeping him hoping. Tell him to stop contacting you, full stop. Stop answering his calls - press "down" every time he calls. Do not answer his texts. He will hopefully give up quite soon.
Good luck!

valleyqueen Mon 02-Nov-09 22:53:37

Thanks I have ignored 2 so far,I am hoping my friends delete him from FB as they are my friends not his (god that sounds really immature),a couple of them have but I wont ask them to,

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