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feeling really down... diddnt sign up for this..

(7 Posts)
benbon Sun 01-Nov-09 21:19:43

just having a wobble today.. mostly have been coping really well but obviously not today.

was with my ex 8 years married last july. this may/june he started acting strange noticed on his phone he was talking to some woman had a big row and he left... and basically he never came back. told me 2 days before we were suppose to be taking the kids to disney land , 1 week before wedding anniversary and sons birthday that that was it it was over..

was and still am so shocked!!! cant beleive this is what was ment for me. history is repeating it self!!!

but the worst thing is that he told me he never wanted to have children and never wanted to get married.. since he left 4 months ago he has only had the children twice over night. he doesnt seem to think it is important to tell me when he would like to have the kids. he hasnt had them for 2 weeks now and i have no idea when he is seeing them next.

he told me this morning that he is going to derby tonight for the week.

and in 3 weeks time he has booked a 4 week holiday to australia...

its just so unfair. im a young single mum ( well young ish) 25 with a nearly 7 year old and a 4 year old having to do everything on my own. i never seem to get out... so will never meet anyone else.. i just feel like he has got it so easy...

sorry for ranting. just am so low today

FluffysBeenBittenByAVampire Sun 01-Nov-09 21:28:08

sad

You are allowed to rant, he sounds like a complete tosser and you know deep down that you and your children are so much better off. It will all work out for you, you need time to adjust and grieve for the relationship you did have. He's the one missing out on his children's lives.

I'm in derby, it's going to be a shite place with him in my city!

benbon Sun 01-Nov-09 21:36:25

thanks fluffys...
why does it have to turn out like this.. thought we were going to be together forever.. i just hope one day he decides that his children are important. he has informed me he is putting hisself first.. tried telling him that you cant do that when you have kids but it falls on deaf ears.

ninah Sun 01-Nov-09 21:48:59

benbom carry on doing your best for your dc and try to focus less on what he does with his life
hard I know
exp didn't see my dc for a year after the split, he seems to have come round now but you never know
you have no control over your ex's actions so try not to get upset about them
your dc will see how it is ...
you sound like you're doing a great job, and at 25 you are plenty young enough to make lots of your life, on your own terms

FluffysBeenBittenByAVampire Sun 01-Nov-09 21:54:13

He's a twonk dear, it's not your fault. He needs to grow some bollocks, you can't do anything, he needs to do this himself.

Think of you and your children now, you can make a good life for them, I'm a single mum, my son's 10, mine's not too bad, you can do it!

yappy Sun 01-Nov-09 22:15:36

Benbon so sorry that your life's been turned upside down like this.

The most hurtful thing that I have found, and all my single mum friends as well, is the way that an ex is with the children. You hurt more for them and can't understand why this man who was an equal parent a few weeks ago now seems to be a free agent. It's taken me years to stop trying to make my ex be the dad I want the children to have, he never will be, and if he was we'd still be together.

It's a bitter pill to swallow that you are now responsible for everything too, but you will get stronger and you will get to be less upset. You may never fogive him for the way he now is with the children, but the way you deal with it makes you the better person.

You will get stronger, now's the time you need your friends, they'll be upset if you don't ask for help.

lambypoo Sun 01-Nov-09 22:15:42

Benbon there's a thread running at the moment about being dumped. Started by Beautiful and it's really supportive.

Feel for you, it's awful but he sounds like a waste of space and not deserving of you at all.

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