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I need advice before tomorrow

(21 Posts)
dillydally Wed 15-Jun-05 15:49:15


I am single parent, ex sees DD and currently I live in London. I live in a shitty part of town in a two bed flat with no garden and no hope of getting DD into a halfway decent school without paying private fees.

I have been offered a job in the country (vaguely nr brother) but it is a significant pay cut.

I need to know if I should take it..

Quality of life for DD increases soo much
Good schools
Can afford a garden
Near brother
nice job

Pay cut
Moving away from gran who looks after DD two days a week
Moving away from my sister

I also cannot sell my flat - i have been trying for a year and would have logistical problems if I moved.

I cannot decide and am feeling sick with pressure...what would you do? I have until tomorrow to make a decision.

Please help

KBear Wed 15-Jun-05 15:49:56

move to the country - on the facts you've given, seems like a better life.

dillydally Wed 15-Jun-05 15:50:02

I should also add that ex does not live near now but that by moving I would be slightly further away

elsmommy Wed 15-Jun-05 15:51:07

Move to the country

suzywong Wed 15-Jun-05 15:51:17

and rent your flat out, there's always a tenant for a flat in london no matter how shitty

that way if it goes pear shaped you can go back

quality of life increasing for dd is a pretty big pro

Milliways Wed 15-Jun-05 15:52:59

Could you rent your flat out? and if so would the rent cover a new place in the country - otherwise how could you move without selling?

Quality of life, Gardens & schools are VERY big pros. Is the job one you would want to do - your life is important too? How old is DD? Childcare available?

Bugsy2 Wed 15-Jun-05 15:53:25

dillydally - lots of questions to ask yourself
1. How good is country job?
2. Can you really not sell your flat?
3. Who will look after dd when you move to country?
4. Have you checked out the schools in the area where you would be moving to?
5. If you really genuinely can't sell your flat - what on earth will you do with it if you move to the country?
6. How much will you miss the support of your sister and dd's granny?

beansmum Wed 15-Jun-05 15:54:42


rent flat out
pay cut, but cheaper cost of living in the country
better for dd

lunavix Wed 15-Jun-05 15:55:46


pay cuts aren't an issue if you can afford things in new area you can't in old.

dillydally Wed 15-Jun-05 15:57:10

Country job is OK - but have never really had job staosfaction and have always worked for cash to the detriment of satisfaction (that is accountancy for you)
I could rent out flat, change to an interest only mortgage and the mortgage payments would be fully covered by rent, hence I could hopefully afford a new mortgage on a new place
DD would be nursery 5 days a week - she is currently in 3 days and with her gran 2 days which helps financially
Schools in the new area are fab
I will miss my mum and my sister lots but only see my sister every fortnight or so at present - but she is an excellent safety net for me and dd

suzywong Wed 15-Jun-05 15:59:22

sounds like you're off then
where in the country, she asked nosily?

dillydally Wed 15-Jun-05 16:01:00

South west, south of bristol..
Will I have fellow mnetters there...

to be honest am still sick at the thought of making a decision...perhaps i could bundle my mum into the removal van

suzywong Wed 15-Jun-05 16:01:57

I think you will have MNers. beety and WWW at he least

nearly40 Wed 15-Jun-05 16:38:00

Sounds like a no brainer DD - Go For It!!! Perhaps your sister and mum will decide to move as well when they realise how much better life is outside London.

Bugsy2 Wed 15-Jun-05 16:40:33

Lovely part of the world DD. Bristol & Bath in striking distance. Great beaches off to the west. I'd be tempted (and I love London).

prettyfly1 Wed 15-Jun-05 19:08:40

go for it. rent the flat -london rents are high enough that you should at least cover expenses on it - also means you have added financial security. Your son deserves fresah air a safe environment and a strong education. Its scary and hard and may be lonely whils tyou get yourself established but it is worth it!!

dillydally Thu 16-Jun-05 09:21:17

I think I am going to say no.
Pay cut is 20,000 less than now and I would have the added expense of full time nursery care (and I cant even find one in the town - though my search has been brief) and a car - which i dont have at the minute.

Therefore my disposable income would be very low indeed and add that to the initial isolation and culture shock and I am not sure i could cope...if I hated it, I would have lost my salary here...perhaps I need to save lots first...I still have two / three years before DD needs to start school.

It means I would be financially dependent on the ex, whose understanding of how much a child costs in a little Frank Zappa esque for my liking.

I shall continue to search for a more rural lifestyle though perhaps I need suburbs...I shall ahve to shred my NIN t shirt for saying that

suzywong Thu 16-Jun-05 09:23:08

good idea dilly dally, if you've still got a couple of years before school you can make a proper plan. FWIW we got out of London when ds1 ws 3.3 so I KWYM.

what's a NIN t shirt

dillydally Thu 16-Jun-05 09:24:11

Nine Inch Nails - from my student days of great rage and fury..

suzywong Thu 16-Jun-05 09:24:48

ohhhhhhhh ( and I thought I was so "with it")

dillydally Thu 16-Jun-05 09:26:22

I might have been with it ten years ago...a good friend asked me if I wanted to go and see them on tour in july - he said we could hang out at the back with the other oldies and we could "keep it real"

nowadays I am more likely to go and see the tweenies..

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