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not sure how much is lies, but would you take the chance?

(7 Posts)
insertnamechangehere Thu 29-Oct-09 08:41:58

I got a call off ds' dad, asking that I had him on sat night (he has him every other weekend) - not daytime, just night - as some major grief is going to happen. Ds is nearly 3 btw.
Further questioning reveals that he is going to dump his gf, and last time he did this she threatened to kill herself (wandering round the house threatening herself with a big knife, is how he put it). Of course, he can't dump her any other time except sat night hmm, as (this is great!) he is relying on using her car! I asked what he expects to happen, and he said lots of crying and screaming and getting angry. When I said I can't, he said ok, I will do it another time. hmm

So I am in mixed moods about this. First, I think he wants to go out for halloween, and was expecting him to cancel this weekend anyway for this reason, and that he is making all this up so I take ds for him.
BUT, I am also thinking if this IS true (really don't know how likely it is), I don't want ds exposed to her any more (and he has had contact with her over the past year). I would worry what he is getting exposed to, if she really 'wandered round the house threatening herself with a big knife' when (if??) xh allegedly tried to break up with her.
A bit of history: He left me for her wen ds was little. They have a turbulent history together, and I didnt even think they were together at the moment. He has allegedly broken up with her about 10 times over the past year. BUT I dont know how true that is either! xh was emotionally abusive, and lowlevel physically (pushing etc) about once a year. Is this just more of the same?
xh has a history of lying and playing games, but this is rather extreme. So I guess I am asking what the hell to do! Is he just playing with my head, and if he is would you take the chance anyway?
If I told him ds is to have no contact with her, I am pretty sure he would totally ignore it.

insertnamechangehere Thu 29-Oct-09 08:45:44

just typing all that down for a load of strangers to advise on just made it clear in my head.
He is probably lying, but if he ISNT (and I can only go on what he tells me), I am not going to let ds be exposed to it.

Snorbs Thu 29-Oct-09 09:44:43

I think you've got the right of it. Whether he's telling the truth or not about his girlfriend and his plans to dump her is irrelevant. The important part from your/DS's point of view is that he doesn't want to have DS on Saturday night. That's sad for DS but if his dad's priorities are that screwed up there's not an awful lot you can do about it.

Funnily enough my ex was due to have my DCs today. Yesterday she called up claiming that a friend of hers had died and that the funeral was today hmm I said she could have the DCs after the funeral. This morning she phoned and said that she couldn't have the DCs at all as she was "sick" - strangely she didn't mention the funeral at all... hmm

It's annoying that these self-centered idiots feel entitled to lie like this but there's nothing much you can do about it. I know, in my ex's case, she's lying because she doesn't want to admit the truth of "I had a skinful last night so I know I won't pass the breathalyser test I have to have before pick-up".

You have my sympathies.

GypsyMoth Thu 29-Oct-09 13:49:02

the unstable gf....a BIG worry!!

she has wandered round with knives?? where was your ds then? how do you know she hasn't done this before,etc,etc....

that would be ringing alarm bells with me.
does he have a court order....either way,start keeping a diary of times he cancels/incidents with gf.

insertnamechangehere Thu 29-Oct-09 14:26:59

thanks for your replies.
ds has had contact with her. I found out about the suicide knife business last week, happened a few weeks ago, thought she was now out of the picture. Ds was home at thank God.
There is no court order.
I guess I want to stop her having contact with ds, or being present when he is overnight at his dads. Dunno if I can do that though.
Even if it is all a lie, I only have his words telling me this is true, so I can't assume otherwise.

insertnamechangehere Thu 29-Oct-09 14:29:55

sorry, last month, not last week. Afaik she was out of the picture then - he moved about 50 miles away from her.
Turns out she is now living with him again...

GypsyMoth Thu 29-Oct-09 14:56:59

there is something on the gingerbread site about this kind of thing...sorry,not seen it myself,it was c and p on another website.

all contact needs to be in childs best interests....suicidal people (my ex has tried suicide many times)are to be kept away from dc,in my opinion!!!

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