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Moving away from ex

(6 Posts)
Flippy178 Tue 14-Jun-05 22:15:13

I'm new to this thread. i have a 3 yr old ds and have been an sp for two years. My ex is a pretty active dad but tends to just do the fun bits, going to the park etc, not having ds stay over night or for a weekend.

I live in London but want a break from city life, plus all I can afford here is a one-bed flat. I'd love to move closer to my parents in the west country and already have some work there. But I've started to think I am being really selfish.

Ds loves ex and sees him about three times a week. He won't be able to do this if we move. But ds will be closer to granddad/grandma who he loves as well. I feel I'm putting myself first by moving. Should I should just slog on with London so ds can see his dad or should I make a break to see how it works?

Caligula Tue 14-Jun-05 22:18:59

Flippy, what are your long term prospects in London? And is xp willing to help you financially to stay there and to buy/ rent a place big enough for both you and DS?

I don't think it's selfish to want to provide yourself and your child with a better quality of life and standard of living than you can get now. I had to move out of London and while at times I get nostalgic for it, I just know that my children's life here is infinitely better than anything I could have provided for them there.

Flippy178 Tue 14-Jun-05 22:45:53

I'm not sure I have any longterm prospects in London. I work part-time as a freelance so have no job security. xp isn't going to help me with a place but does contribute some money for ds. I have to move anyway because I'm selling my flat and I've tried to think of other places in London to move to but it all just seems wrong.

nearly40 Wed 15-Jun-05 16:58:09

Flippy you have to think long term and it sounds like you would be a lot better off in the West country with more support there. You cannot put your life on hold for your ex. There will always be holidays - you will just have to be prepared to let ex dh take ds off for longer holidays a few times a year. The quality of life will be better for you and that will benefit ds, more space, good schools etc. I known its harsh but once you split up couples go their separate ways -who knows where ex dh might end up. Its not like you are moving to Australia anyway, you are staying in the same country. Don't waste too much time agonising over this, if you see a chance for a better life elsewhere you should grab it.

Nightynight Wed 15-Jun-05 17:17:22

but it wouldnt be putting her life on hold for her ex, it would be for her child.

Flippy, is your dx irrevocably committed to staying in London?

Flippy178 Thu 16-Jun-05 15:12:17

I'm not about what dx wants to do. he says he wants to move but he's being saying that for years. So I can't really predict what he will do and have given up trying to accommodate him.

I think I will make the move but think of it as a trial period of three to six months. I can't really afford to stay in London anyway, I've just got too many debts now and need to pay them off. I've been working part-time because i didn't want ds in nursery full-time but I've paid for that financially. And no one but me is going to pay those bills.

I know ds will miss his dad but the reality is I have to do something. I will see how it goes. Ds will see a lot of his grandparents in the west country which may compensate a bit.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

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