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i have been with a lovely bloke i met off a dating site for 6 months, but...

(12 Posts)
allgonebellyup Fri 16-Oct-09 15:05:17

I'm not totally sure how i feel and i dont know what to do..
He is very sweet, kind and caring, and would do anything for my kids and me. He is also very good looking but not that tall (!) and has a job that pays very good money.

He is just so keen and it puts me off a lot, he lives an hour from me but comes round several times a week. I find myself being horrible to him and he just takes it, and never stands up to me. It annoys me!!!!
If i am a bitch to him, as i often am when i am tired and the kids are driving me mad, he just accepts it.

I do think about finishing with him, but i would miss him at times i think, and i would be so lonely without his company.

allgonebellyup Fri 16-Oct-09 15:07:39

Sorry, that didnt explain it very much. We dont seem to have the same sense of humour (he didnt grow up in UK, so most jokes are lost on him) and occasionally i find myself missing my ex, or even just wishing he would be on the same wavelength as me.

i did end it when we were in Spain on holiday, but he was crying his eyes out and i couldnt face seeing him so upset. My family and friends think he is lovely.

allgonebellyup Fri 16-Oct-09 18:30:34


lindsaygii Fri 16-Oct-09 19:30:15

If you don't want to be with him then you have to end it. But why don't you try talking to him about coming round so much first? Try doing without him for a couple of weeks and see how you feel... Regretful? Keep on with him. Relieved? End it.

Just cos you are a single mum is no reason to stick with the first bloke who comes along. But don't stuff it up on a whim either.

Good luck!

poshsinglemum Sat 17-Oct-09 00:06:00

He sounds lovely. I'll have him!

Honestly- what don't you like about him? If he's too nice did you always go for the bad boys? Mabe you need a good boy for a change.

If there is just no spark it is better to end it.

I never went for nice guys in the past but now I shall make it my mission to go for them!

theDeadPirateRoberts Sat 17-Oct-09 00:09:30

"I find myself being horrible to him and he just takes it, and never stands up to me. It annoys me!!!!"

Please stop it. It's no good for you or him.

DailyMailNameChanger Sat 17-Oct-09 00:13:21

He sounds lovely, really a great guy! That does not make him the right guy for you though. I know exactly what you mean about not speaking up for himself, I have no respect for people who just take it on the chin, I need some response to my madness!

The fact is that he is not the one for you and that is ok, someone else will be but the situation now is that neither you nor he will be able to find the right people for yourselves and that is a waste!

If I were you I would make a situation where you can speak to him about it and then leave - ie not your house or his, try a private but public place. The main thing is that, once you have made a decision you have to stick to it because backwards and forewards, off and on is just hurtful - and disrespectful!

allgonebellyup Sat 17-Oct-09 08:41:53

Thanks for your advice.

i know that if i do finish with him, i will regret it and want him back. i know it. But when he is with me i either really like him or find myself very annoyed by his keenness.

My ex was similar, a very lovely bloke (i was crazy about him), and very good looking (could have had anyone he wanted) and yet for the 5 years of our marriage i was an absolute bitch to him for no reason. He said he always put up with it as he loved me so much.

i do love bad boys but they never seem to last longer than a couple of months.

Sometimes i really look forward to seeing him but i know i can get away with my horrible mood swings as he always puts up with it. Even my sisters and my mum have made comments about how nice he is and how i am being horrible to him sad
i just get irritated so easily!

allgonebellyup Sat 17-Oct-09 08:48:42

He has just text me saying he has bought tickets to Paris for us and my kids for a Christmas break (we did talk about going away for xmas). i cant believe he has bought tickets!

And he has already pre ordered tickets to go up the Eiffel tower on xmas eve so we can jump the queues.


Just to add, i finished with my ex when i thought we weren't working out. Then i regretted it immensely and spent 2 years unsuccessfully trying to get back with him.
Sounds like there is something wrong with me.

LadyoftheBathtub Sat 17-Oct-09 08:56:22

I think in some ways we have "types" that may not be the types we actually want but subconsciously go for. A man like this allows you to sound off which you may have a need to do. As for him, he may seek out dominant types who bicker at him while he worships them - that may meet a need in him. But it's not good because you are not helping each other.

It's a hard pattern to break, but you can. For years and years my "type" was a completely normal, cornfed-type boy from a stable family with 2.4 kids, always tall and handsome and unexciting. They always bored me, the relationship always ended and yet I would always pick another the same, without even realising it. I'm from a very dysfunctional family and I must have been seekking "normality".

Until I met DP who is also from a family that split up and had problems. There's more to our compatibility than that obv. but we really understand each other and make each other laugh. And this relationship has lasted 12+ years when others never went more than 2 or 3.

I don't know how I made the change, maybe I just changed but looking back I can see that for so long I just sought out the same unsuitable type without meaning to.

Therapy might help too.

DiamondHead Sat 17-Oct-09 08:57:52

He does sound lovely but in a relationship I think you need to know where your boundries are.
At the moment he doesn't seem to care how you behave and I think that can be unsettling.
Can you not have it out with him, tell him to be more confident.

allgonebellyup Sat 17-Oct-09 09:12:07

i do comne from a messed up dysfuntional family too, LadyofthebathTub. Half sisters all over the place and a dad who made their lives hell.

i do end up with nice guys, as you can tell, but i do get so bored of them.

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