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Ex H contact order/court notice help!

(9 Posts)
monkeyfacegrace Thu 15-Oct-09 18:48:15

Im sat here crying my eyes out please help. My Exh is a dickhead, but loves our daughter but would only ever see her every other weekend for 24 hours. Because he was forced to pay maintenence through CSA he has got his arse out and just a few hours ago, out of the blue, through the post I had notice that I was due in court in 3 weeks. He wants Fri-Sunday every other weekend, Weds 4.30-6.30, and a week every summer for a holiday. I sound pathetic, but I have severe depression and my daughter (3) is my world and a week without her is more than I can bear, I just about manage 24 hours! Also, though I take her to nursery and she is outgoing, she is very mummy focused and Im the first person she screams for when she is scared/hurt/hungry and no-one else can console her (my ex has even brought her home a few times as he cant comfort her).
I know this about me not her, but I dont know where to turn or what to do.
Please someone help me.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 15-Oct-09 18:56:16

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monkeyfacegrace Thu 15-Oct-09 19:05:04

I cant speak to a lawyer, they are £200 per hour, I wont get legal aid and Im in so much debt Im drowning. No chance of getting solicitors involved my end. Im not so worried about the weekends, I think she will be fine as we can speak on the phone, but its the whole week. Will I get laughed at in court if I suggest 2 4 day breaks (he doesnt want to take her abroad, just holidaying by the coast)? I think that way she can have one holiday with him in spring and one in autumn or whatnot.
The other 'issue' is that she calls her stepdad daddy and her dad by his name, and Im not sure when the right time is to talk to her about it. She is quite slow for her age I dont want to confuse her so shall it just be ignored for now?
As far as my depression, Ive been on various pills for years and will be for the rest of my life. Its a chemical imbalance and I have a strong family history of it too.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 15-Oct-09 19:43:31

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mmrred Thu 15-Oct-09 22:31:44

Very tricky situation. If you agree to the weekends and offer the 4 day breaks for now you'll probably be able to get a consent order. This limits the court involvement and therefore the cost.

Has mediation been suggested? It should have been. What you need to avoid is the involvement of Cafcass who probably won't accept that your ex only wants to see DD because of the CSA (particularly since going to court is so expensive, as you've said) and the name thing could easily be seen as undermining the importance of her father.

yerblurt Mon 19-Oct-09 22:10:06

Contact is for the benefit of the child

I'm sorry but you saying that you can't "deal" with not being around the child - well you'll have to deal with it and grow up a bit. The child isn't an emotional crutch and needs to develop their own life and personality.

Part of that is developing a meaningful relationshop with both parents.

colditz Mon 19-Oct-09 22:13:25

You can't do that to her. You have to let her have a relationship with other people. You cannot make her be your world. She will pick up on your anxiety about her going to her father's and you will ruin her fun. Slap a smile on your face for her sake. She will manage perfectly, and her relationship with her father should not have to be about what you can cope with.

I strongly suggest you see your doctor. Depression can severely warp your perception of reality. You need to get it treated more effectively

NicknameTaken Tue 20-Oct-09 10:11:28

I agree that the two four-day breaks might work, especially if you can get your ex to agree (show him that it would be to his benefit too).

It is painful to be without your DD - I was feeling sorry for myself for the same reason last night. But I told myself that I would rather carry the pain of being without her so that she doesn't have to bear the pain later on of not feeling loved by her father. Make the sacrifice for her sake.

About the name, it depends how strongly your ex feels about it. If he doesn't mind, leave things as they are. If he does mind, it might be possible to work out a compromise, eg. Daddy Mike and Daddy John, or whatever their names are.

mummyfantastico Tue 20-Oct-09 11:58:06

My DDs did 2 separate weeks with XH this year to "practise" for a fortnight next year so unless your X was planning on booking a week away I'm sure 2 shorter breaks would be considered.

It is hard, but try to do things while your DD is away that you can't when she is with you and you'll get used to it even if you never look forward to it.

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