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Went on date with Moroccan man. Opinions please!!!

(14 Posts)
bellbottom Tue 13-Oct-09 18:56:08

A man I met twice at a picnic with friends had wanted to date me since the first picnic a year ago. He's known amongst my group of friends. He happens to be Morrocan.

We met 3 times in the last few weeks. I'm just so scared of the implications associated with moroccan men.

I live abroad. He has lived here most of his life. And he says he rejected his culture a long time ago, and as such his parents outcase him. He said he hates all the muslim stuff. He has his own buisness and seems nice. We get on, and he met my daughter once and I liked the way he is with a kid.

I just feel scared about what COULD be. And not sure I should even give him a chance and take a risk. Even though he doesn't follow his culture, I worry that it is still in him. I hear so many stories of abuse women, and women trapped in a slavery type relationship with Moroccan men, who seemed charming and nice in the beginning.

I had my share of lunatics. I just don't want that again. But then again, the sweet nice guys that say all the right things makes me feel nauseous. IYSWIM.

What to do? I sometimes think I'll never be in anything long lasting ever again at this rate....

Advice needed! Thanks!

Ivykaty44 Tue 13-Oct-09 18:57:39

If you need to ask then I think you have worries - so go with thoses worries sad

ruddynorah Tue 13-Oct-09 19:01:32

well you need to look at him as a person in his own right, not as a representative of a whole culture or religion or whatever it is you're afraid of. take it slowly and just get to know him..as you would with anyone.

my dad's moroccan and he's a very nice man fwiw smile as are my uncles, cousins and other relatives.

overmydeadbody Tue 13-Oct-09 19:04:50

agree with ruddynora. You cannot make assumptions about him based purely on his heritage. FWIW most moroccan men are not the evil woman-hating bastard loonatics you hear about, you only hear about the nasty ones.

Go with your instincts, get to know him better, as a person in his own right, and base your judgements on what you learn about him.

Where, abroad, are you?

bellbottom Tue 13-Oct-09 19:09:30

Thanks everyone. I had planned to get to know him slowly. And any man from now on, for that matter.

I just worry that I'll end up with my same old tendency of seeing what I want to see, and getting sucked into the prospect of love and affection, and holding onto the nice bits that I want to hold onto. Believing in the dream I want to believe in. And then perhaps I'll be too far gone to be saved from anything dangerous!

I live in Holland.

ruddynorah Tue 13-Oct-09 19:12:09

if he's known to your friends what do they think of him?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 13-Oct-09 19:12:44

Well, while you're getting to know him slowly, if there's something you're not sure about, ask on MN.

You don't have to believe in a dream to meet a nice bloke, wherever he's from.

bellbottom Tue 13-Oct-09 19:20:05

Can't really ask my friends, as they are my ' ex club' of single friends that I hardly ever see anymore. And I also don't think they would understand my worries. I may have to find out some more info on the sly somehow!

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 13-Oct-09 19:45:34

I wouldn't count on friends knowing what he's like as a partner anyway. We, as a family, got to know this chap, liked him well enough for several years, supported him through an emergency or two, and were truly shock at the way he turned when he dated another friend! We had no idea what a control-freak-nut-job he was.

iliketurquoise Tue 13-Oct-09 21:36:05

to me;
another point is cultural differences.
sometimes it is hard to have relationship for 2 people who are from different cultures no matter how nice they are.
where did he grow up?
maybe you can make a search on the internet about experiences of ladies who are/were married/were together to MOroccon men.

ninah Tue 13-Oct-09 23:04:19

I'd forget racial/cultural prejudice and get to know him as an individual like you would anyone else.

bellbottom Sat 17-Oct-09 20:14:56

Message withdrawn

zebramummy Sat 17-Oct-09 21:00:42

i'm sorry but i don't think you have what it takes in terms of attitude to successfully build a bi-cultural relationship - you are far too risk-averse as far as i can see. please don't take this the wrong way - my dh is white w.european and i am a proud londoner and the cultual differences create a lot of 'extra' hard work; we originally went into it with a completely open-mind and possibly, a high degree of naivety. throw into the mix your previous experience of relationships and the fact that you have kids and i reckon that if it's not at all what you were looking for, then it is better to keep on looking rather than play along despite your nagging doubts

wunderful Thu 22-Oct-09 21:34:34

Hi, I agree with the last post. My husband was a modern thinking, non adhereing foreign muslim, and slowley insidiously everything crept back into our marriage, including retrospective jealousy, how can you beat that?

After 10 years and 2 kids I was badly beaten after he had an affair. It is the future changes you cannot predict. Values change as you get older, and have children (what would be his attitudes then?)

My ex is not morrocon but of similar heritage, a very big mistake and I will not date out my culture again. And yes I know all men are not made equal but its really not worth the risk.

Relationships are hard enough when you know whats lurking.

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