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How do you manage dating

(4 Posts)
KaPe Fri 09-Oct-09 20:43:24

Hi there,

This is my first post in this section of the forum ... have posted with questions in the stepparenting area before.

I'm mum to DD9, separated nearly 3 years ago. I work full-time, DD is looked after by an au-pair until I get home. Ex and I initially had a 50/50, I have already dated since my separation and was in a 1-year relationship, which broke down because my new partner couldn't deal with the ongoing war between my ex and I.

Now, the 50/50 broke down in May, and I am now a lone parent, DD has only seen her dad 3-4 times since then. He will no longer take her unless I agree to a loooong list of conditions, which I won't.

About a week ago, I went on a blind date with a lovely man ... we really liked each other. We have been texting and talking on the phone ever since.

My date would like to take things further and meet up again ... and so would I. But I am not sure how I can logistically manage this. I don't have family in this country and don't want to leave DD in the care of the au-pair for more than one evening per week.

My friends all live on the other side of the city, and I am certainly reluctant to invite the new man over just yet. He has a grown-up daughter and likes kids, but I doubt that his idea of romance is looking after a child in the initial phases of dating. Also, DD has suffered enough after my separation from her father and my partner, whom she liked a lot. I don't want to introduce her to another guy before I'm sure he is going to stick around.

What do I do? I feel like calling him and explaining I am just not able to date given the circumstances.

Anybody in a similar situation?

Niceguy2 Sat 10-Oct-09 06:59:09

I used to be in a similar position to you. Few friends and family nearby. Thing is, unless you are willing to compromise with yourself and either leave your DD with your au-pair or invite him round earlier than you would otherwise have liked then you may as well forget dating. Me? I took the latter option. Luckily my kids don't seem to mind. And if your date has his own kids, he'll understand your dilemma.

totallyawesome Sat 10-Oct-09 07:23:29

I'm with Niceguy2.

My ex also has very little to do with his DC. Through circumstance, I was forced to invite dates round to my place before I wanted to. I made sure that they came after DC were in bed and that they were not here in the morning. There was a strict "no public displays of affection" rule if a boyfriend came to my place when my DC were there. My DC thought of them (not that there have been that many!) as friends who happened to be boys. One of them was a total plonker and gave me an ultimatum - either I get DC father to take his turn or it was all over. I decided it was all over. The man I'm with now is happy with this arrangement.

Could you try a few more evenings out with your bloke to see if the first impressions stick? If he is a keeper, he'll be content with that, surely? It's the situation that you are in and there's not a whole lot that anyone in your life can do about it, other than find room for it if you are both to think that the other one is worth the effort.

KaPe Sun 11-Oct-09 14:14:42

Thanks ladies. Did invite him around last night and he had no problem at all with it. It then turned out that little one had been invited for a sleepover at the neighbours, meaning we actually could go to the pub around the corner for a drink after dinner.

They just met for about 5 minutes, but this morning she said he looked nice. She wanted to know what he does, so I told her he was a carpenter. Her response: "Cool, so he can come and fix our carpets if they ever break". grin

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