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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Tell me it gets better.

13 replies

alwaysindoubt · 03/10/2009 13:12

I have just instructed a solicitor to prepare a divorce petition. The children don't know yet. Please tell me that being a single mother is okay. My mother was and I never thought I would be. Terrified.

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Mousey84 · 03/10/2009 13:18

I love being a single mum. Having to "share" when dds father comes over is really really hard. The key is to be organised!

Wish I had time to write more, but have to go study.

What are you dreading most? Telling the kids / dealing with kids alone or the practical side of managing by yourself?

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AllThreeWays · 03/10/2009 13:19

It will definitely get better, single parenthood has its positives and negatives, as does partnered life.

One of the positives is being in control of your own little kingdom.

Hopefully others will add more. Best wishes and hope that it will be a smooth transition

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sequinedsteaknife · 03/10/2009 13:28

It will be okay and you will be okay.

I am at the start of my single mother journey too.

Make sure you have a couple of close friends of family members you can speak honestly with about how you feel and of course MN for when you don't want to speak to a real person.

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alwaysindoubt · 03/10/2009 13:34

I'm scared that my children will be damaged and grow up vulnerable and end up unable to form healthy relationships.

I'm scared that we will be so broke that every day will be a struggle.

I'm scared of being alone for the rest of my life.

I'm scared that he will start a new relationship and have children.

However, what scares me more is living with him for much longer.

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Maggie34Behave · 03/10/2009 13:37

I'm happier now than I was. It must be hard to lose somebody if the relationship had been good, say, if you suddenly discover they were cheating for eg, but for me, my x never had any respect for me and controlled me, so it's all relative. Being single is like a holiday.

I could do with more single friends. That's the only thing that I would change. everybody i meet in rl is married, so i am the odd one out.. there are loads of us, where are we all!?

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alwaysindoubt · 03/10/2009 13:40

It wasn't a good marriage. It was very rock at times. I recently read something about gaslighting and cried becuase it sounded similar.

I don't know exactly what happened. I just know when he talks about what he wants/needs/can't live without, I feel both frightened and bewildered.

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Maggie34Behave · 03/10/2009 13:45

Well then always, it's the adjustment that is hard. Being single is a piece of cake compared to the adjustment. Even change for the better is really scary I think.

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Mutt · 03/10/2009 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllThreeWays · 04/10/2009 00:24

In regards to how it will affect your children, in my experience it hasn't been easy for my 5 year old son, but he is doing ok.

AND

what he is dealing with now is far far far better than him growing up seeing the emotional and physical abuse I was put through.

In my home there is no yelling, no insanity, no raging, no accusations, no paranoia, no stress!!!!

I live in a tiny flat with a limited income, but we cope and I am content.

I also don't have a lot of trouble dating when I wish, keep yourself nice, be happy single and it will happen when it is right. Desperation or dissatisfaction is never an attractive trait.

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alwaysindoubt · 04/10/2009 12:12

Thank you for your kind words. I know we have reached the end of the road. And I so want not to be married to him. There are things he's done and said that make me shiver. Not just that he did them but that I stayed with him afterwards. What he wants from a relationship I just can't give.

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alwaysindoubt · 04/10/2009 13:44

Sorry to keep rambling but I keep thinking there is something wrong with me. Am I really so awful to be with/live with/have sex with? That's how I feel right now.

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GypsyMoth · 04/10/2009 13:52

i was a single mother 5 years ago,in a refuge,so homeless,with 4 dc.

met a new man within weeks,which i hadn't intended. but even tho we don't live together,we are still together. and we are happy....he's a million times better than my ex.

you'll move on. reading relationships threads on here about other unhappy relationships makes me realise its better being alone and struggling (just a little) than being with someone i disliked.

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alwaysindoubt · 04/10/2009 14:11

I know. I will move on. Right now, it's like waiting to drop the bomb. My poor poor children.