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Do you ever wonder why you just don't have anyone?

(5 Posts)
Flightattendnt Fri 02-Oct-09 18:24:40

Seeing so many people happy with a partner usually just kind of passes me by, but sometimes it feels quite intensely upsetting that, well, there's just no one, and I haven't even had anyone interested in me for years now.
I keep wondering why it is and what i need to change to make myself eligible!

I am probably rather ugly IRL but surely it goes deeper than that...I only seem ever to get men who are involved with other people, which I don't really respond I just tell them I tend to want more from a relationship, (or shout at them if they didn't tell me first!! wink)

It was about 4/5 years between my first big love and my second...which did eclipse the first...but that all went terribly wrong (he was married, I know, awful - never again) and it's been 5 years since that finished.

Have had 2 very short relationships since, both were pretty rubbish, had another baby which was a disaster in the making but wouldn't change it now smile except that that possibly makes me even less eligible iyswim...

I haven't even had sex since I conceived ds2 (who is 2 1/2)

I feel like I am on the shelf and it is going to be like this forever. I try to look nice but it seems a bit pointless as nobody ever asks me out, I just get ignored really.


kdk Fri 02-Oct-09 21:22:49

If it's any consolation (and I'm sure it isn't!), I haven't had sex since shortly after the birth of my dts five, yes five, years ago shock.

Not sure how I've managed but somehow the years have gone by - and I have not met anyone that has made me even remotely want to work out the logistical nightmare that would be involved in having a sex life ...

I'm not really sure why - some of it is is maybe because I'm not very attractive - also that I have just got very fussy in my (declining) years ...

Not sure that I can really help in any practical way - suppose it's just a matter of looking good for yourself, not just because you hope you might meet someone and try going out to places where you think you might meet people you might get on with - ie not pubs or bars unless that's the sort you want if you see what I mean. When I get the energy - and my mojo - back, I'm going to try going to the theatre more, galleries, comedy clubs, gigs etc.

Wish you luck and it's better to be alone and sane than trapped in a relationship that's crap!

Frrrightattendant Sat 03-Oct-09 06:25:38

kdk you are very sensible, I find your reply very comforting actually! Thankyou.
I think it's knowing that other 'nice' people are also out there and not meeting the right sort of man...maybe it is just too much of not being in the right place.

I think if I was at work it would be more likely, but I'm not, and not much hope of it either at the moment.

It does feel really weirdly isolated doesn't it - I almost feel like I'm in a parallel universe to everyone else. It must be much harder with twins as well.

I think we should form a society for the under-socialising. smile

Podrick Sat 03-Oct-09 07:30:24

Remember that lots of people who do"have someone" are actually in unhappy relationships

RedHairedGirlie Sat 03-Oct-09 23:31:17

Can relate the the 'parallel universe' feeling totally... my dd is only 7 months old and although I am enjoying my maternity leave and every minute spent with her it is very isolating and lonely at times and to go a week without any substantial adult conversation or one to one contact can leave you feeling terrribly lonely and in your own world which you think no one else understands,, 'under socialising' seems a big part of my life right now.. and it used to be totally the opposite.. I miss male company terribly, not just the intimacy, but more the company I think.. I try to imagine if or how I would meet anyone else in the future and perhaps I too have become fussy - most definitely know what I want and what I don't want... I think also if we have lost a little of our own confidence it can eminate and make us less attractive...?? I need to get my confidence back again me thinks smile

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