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AIBU to not want my ex to take DD out with his mate.

(3 Posts)
tammybear Fri 02-Oct-09 17:42:01

I have been apart from my ex since DD was 8 months old. She is now almost 7. He rarely sees her (has seen her about 5 times so far this year). I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. At the moment, he is off work due to anxiety and parnoia. DD at the moment does not like talking to him on the phone as she feels shy and doesn't want to talk to him as she says she doesn't see him a lot, yet she is pretty excited about seeing him tomorrow.

When I spoke to ex about him coming to see her (as I keep making a point he needs to make the effort himself and see her on his own without his parents bringing him down every time he visits) he said he'll try. He then told me he has a friend who can drive him down for the day. I thought that's good, this was a couple of weeks ago he mentioned it.

Ex then asked me today if there were any zoos nearby to me. Nearest one is 45mins away. I said why can't he just spend time with DD here or in the park, as he kept moaning he didn't know what to do with her other than maybe take her to see the football match hmm. He then said that his mate had wanted to know. So I then asked what was his mate going to be doing whilst ex was with us, as I just presumed he would be going into town or something, I hadn't really thought of it. He said that his mate was bringing his DS along and they wanted to do something together with DD that was fun if there was anything nearby. This annoyed me as he hasn't mentioned any of this before. I don't know his friend and wouldn't be happy about him driving DD on the motorway to the zoo which is 45mins away when I don't know the guy.

I responded by saying there wasn't a lot around here, which is true, but if his mate wanted to take his DS to the zoo, he would have to drop ex off here first. I also said that DD wants to stay in most of tomorrow and play with her toys with ex and maybe go to the park, which she told me. I'm waiting for him to reply to that, but I want him to know I'm not happy if his mate is expecting to come round as well as I was not told and think it's rude to assume that this is okay without actually asking. Maybe I should have thought that his mate was expecting to come in or something since he doesn't know the area (I'm presuming he doesn't), so maybe I'm being unreasonable?

Now I know his friend is doing a good thing for ex (ex lives 3 hours away) but I'm annoyed as the reason I suggested to ex that he comes to see DD on his own is so they can spend some quality alone time together without other family members so maybe DD would feel more comfortable with him. I am also worried about this whole anxiety thing too with him, as he's always had problems with his nerves and don't feel comfortable with him having her on his own without me there, ever since I can remember so I'm just not happy with it at the moment.

mmrred Fri 02-Oct-09 22:50:57

Well, a little BU, to be honest...

I mean, he's bound to be less anxious with a mate there, isn't he? Sounds like a nice day out, at the zoo, another child along, your daughter is excited...

Does he not drive? Is that why he needs lifts from parents/mates etc?

It's not really quality time with her if it is always supervised by you, either, to be fair.

Now obviously I don't know any of the background, but I'd certainly be inviting 'friend' and child in for a quick cuppa, (they have driven for 3 hours) get the measure of them, and then leave them to it.

YABU - let dd go to the zoo with her dad.

he's arranged a playdate in essence.

arranged transport for a 3 hr trip.

where's the harm?... escpecially if ex is off work with anxiety. another responsible adult is great idea. should ease his anxiety.

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