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advice of contact with ex for dd needed please - am desperate

(11 Posts)
Watchtheworldcomealivetonight Thu 24-Sep-09 11:41:03

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GypsyMoth Thu 24-Sep-09 11:47:50

my ex has made these threats repeatedly,trie suicide alot,but never does it the right way if you know what i mean? if he wanted to do it for real,he would do it the way his brother did it,funnily enough he has never tried this method. its attention seeking. BUT he has spooked me enough to get professional advice through the courts as he is clearly unstable. CAFCASS which are court welfare officers are very,very concerned about this. and no contact is allowed unsupervised. in fact,they are at present deciding if any direct contact is suitable at all

don't take this lightly.

Watchtheworldcomealivetonight Thu 24-Sep-09 11:54:08

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Watchtheworldcomealivetonight Thu 24-Sep-09 11:55:15

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GypsyMoth Thu 24-Sep-09 11:57:29

i would think that as you have concerns here,then a section 7 report would be ordered. they would look into it all,even medical records,police etc,and he would be interviewed by cafcass.

let them decide the safety aspect,they are the experts.

call a solicitor and get some advice,most do free 30 mins, or go to the forum there is very good for this sort of thing

cestlavielife Thu 24-Sep-09 13:16:40

agree on getting it to court and section 7 report, CAFCASS involved.

my exP also history depression, self harm, smashing things etc.

how do you get on with him? is it ok he stays? i can see why you doing it but it doesnt seem a long term solution? does he accept your relationship break up?
this means he doesnt take responsibility?

my ex has supervised contact only "by an appropriate adult we both agree to". no overnights at this point in time. do you trust his family?

what does your daughter say? she is old enough to have views tho not necessarily old enough to have all her wishes granted eg my sevn year old says "i want to see daddy every day", but she is ok when told no that isnt possible . and she then also says "but only see daddy with another adult around in case he gets distressed"

you can say to him, you are not allowing overnight ebcause of your concerns, you could offer to go mediaiton or you could let him take you to court then CAFCASS would get involved.

have you a log diary of his suicide attempts, any GP records or notes? any police reports? you need to have a folder of evidence that is not just your say...

Watchtheworldcomealivetonight Thu 24-Sep-09 14:32:07

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Watchtheworldcomealivetonight Thu 24-Sep-09 14:33:56

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GypsyMoth Thu 24-Sep-09 14:37:58

if he is unstable enough to be suicidal,then i woiuld not be comfortable having him in my house. no matter how well you know him,or think you know him,his mental health will be unpredictable.

he needs help,and you and your dd need to be safe.

Watchtheworldcomealivetonight Fri 25-Sep-09 11:05:54

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cestlavielife Fri 25-Sep-09 14:36:35

gosh sounds scarily familiar!!

and paying shares of the bills that werent mine etc that i hadnt supported him enough when i had left. The fact he hadnt supported me in 15 years of marriage at all, smashed the house up and ..... now he has a diagnoses of depression he keeps telling me that everying he has ever done nasty in 15 years is because of that.

i could have written that!!

poor things, is all our fault isnt it?

funny tho, in family therapy in july 2008 (i went along as it hought it might be forum to get it accorss that we ahd separated) he did the she didnt support me line and they practically shouted at him "so why the heck dyu keep asking for her for support when she clearly doesnt give it to you?"

he more or less said "because i am entitled to it"

they think they are entitled and they will always believe it. we have to do the hard work, set the boundaries, but ultimately - leave them to it.

for them it will always be about them.

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