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New to all this - really need some advice pls

(3 Posts)
allchanging Wed 23-Sep-09 12:37:29

Hi. Just a quick background.. after a really bad time in my marriage I gave H an ultimatum about the way he wanted to live his life (with his family/sorting out his mh issues/getting help with drug prob/trying to find our way back to being happy - my idea - or living his life for him/taking no responsibility for his actions and basically being a selfish git - his idea) well as I'm here I think you can guess what road he took!

This was 2 months ago today actually. I started divorce proceedings as soon as he told me he'd found someone else (a week later). He has subsequently realised he's made a mistake, but tbh even though its broken my heart, I know I'm doing the right thing and trying to stay as strong as possible. My marriage is over and now I think we've both accepted it. Its really quit civil now (well this week anyway iykwim!) and we're getting on great. He's been fab with the kids, who are slowly staring to heal.

My big thing now is the future....He hasn't even mentioned dc (9&4) meeting the OW - and we've agreed that it should be at least a year before they meet anyone new, more if we feel they're not ready. (Tbh I doubt this new relationship of his will last that long). Do you think thats reasonable? The thought of my children meeting OW or anyone new makes me feel physically sick/angry enough to rip someones eyeballs out. Can anyone tell me how long that takes to go away?? I also feel that way about them meeting anyone new that I might meet - is that wierd??? It all feels just so wrong sad

Thanks for reading my rant!!

VinegarTits Wed 23-Sep-09 12:44:37

Tricky one, depends how old your dc are and how badly they have been effected by your split

With both my dc, they were quite young, 4 and 2, and didnt really know what was happening and not really that affected by our split, so meeting and my ex new partner wasnt such an issue for them, or me (i was glad to be rid)

Only you know how your dc will react, but you have to put your own feelings aside and decide what is best for them, if they would be happy to meet her, dont put them off because you are not happy iykwim

allchanging Wed 23-Sep-09 13:04:34

Thank you. I do see what you mean. My ds the youngest, has taken it much worse than my dd, they are coping ok, but they would not be ready now at all. They dont know about her, ds wouldnt understand but dd would and I dont want her blaming H or OW as I dont think its healthy to project that idea, and she would blame them.

Its not that I would put off them meeting her because of my feelings, I was just wondering if I'm just feeling this way because its early days. My H is only in his early 30's and I'm late 20's. I dont want a selection of men and women walking in and out of their lives. I want to be sure that this relationship of his would be secure before they meet her, as it is, its all based on lies and deciept (on his part) and I dont want my kids invloved in that. I'm just ranting really - its not something I have to worry about now, but having read some other posts, I can see how quickly an "amicable" split can turn nasty and how quickly things can change.

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