My ex and I were in court yesterday and hammered out an agreement by consent - I'm the residential parent, he gets loads of access to our DD, who is nearly 2. He'll have her every second weekend, and every week he he has full days Mon and Fri with her (when he's not working) plus an overnight. He can potentially take her on holidays abroad if I consent or the court makes an order. I was reasonably happy with it and looking forward to having some free time too.
Then I told my parents, who hit the roof. They hate ex, who was pretty scary and aggressive to me, with a major sense of entitlement. He is quite controlling of DD, but she adores him. My parents are convinced he will either abduct her (he's not from the UK) or manipulate her in some unspecified way. My mother even dropped dark hints about incest - there's no basis for that other than DD may well co-sleep with her father (she co-sleeps with me). My parents would ideally like access to be supervised and occasional (well, "ideally" they'd like ex to drop dead).
And so I lay awake last night thinking of all the terrible things that could happen to DD and how I sold her down the river for a few free weekends and to keep legal fees to a minimum (but I swear it's not, I genuinely think she gets something positive out of her relationship with her father). I doubt my own judgement because yes, it was a mistake to get involved with ex in the first place, as my parents have pointed out.
Of course I'll be watching to see how she copes with this level of access and if there are any harmful effects, I will go back to the solicitor. But now I'm terrified about damage I won't see and stop in time. I know my parents mean well and want the best for me and DD.
Help me! Tell me positive stories of horrible exes that are still good dads! The Lundy Bancroft book is pessimistic on this point. I don't want to damage my DD! I want her to have two parents who love her.
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hold my hand - scared about access!
25 replies
NicknameTaken · 23/09/2009 10:46
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