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My 'Lone-parent-happy-ending' inspirational story has let me down! Help!

(8 Posts)
Jumente Fri 18-Sep-09 20:55:13

This is really sad

I used to be neighbours years ago with this brilliant woman who had a child in her teens, now a teenager himself...actually he's in his twenties I think. We had a few chats especially when I became a single mum, she was great, always made me feel like there was a benchmark and her relationship was it - she'd met her chap when her child was about 5, and they were together until, I just found out, this year sad - an old friend told me.

I thought they were bomb proof. What happened? I have no idea but I keep seeing her near our new place and I think she lives down the road from us now.

I have caught her eye and smiled a couple of times and she's been across the road and didn't look too chuffed to see me so now I know why - probably she feels really embarrassed and doesn't want to have to explain what's happened to someone whom she probably knows held her as a shining example of How to Do Things and End Up Happy.

I am gutted for her - but also for me, selfishly. I so wanted to believe that people with children already can meet a nice man and have it work out.

I want to say how sorry I am and let her know how much she inspired me, but I am afraid it'll all come out wrong if I try.

Any nice happy stories, or ideas of how to tackle the inevitable bump-into scenario,

Jumente Fri 18-Sep-09 21:02:00

Should I send a message via facebook? She isn't on my friends and not sure she would want to be either, we haven't kept in touch - also not sure if she would want people to know, and to know that our other neighbour told was her ex who told her iyswim.

Is that just going to make it worse? I'm sure she already has plenty of support, she's got loads of friends on there.

waitingforbedtime Fri 18-Sep-09 21:02:19

Well, am not a lone parent but my friends have told me that me and dh are that 'untouchable' couple. we are only in our late 20s!! Just that we've been together soooooooooo long. Anyways, my point is that chances are you weren't the only ones who thought it and she probably didnt realise you thought it anyways. I would just say sorry to hear about the break up, how are you all doing? Or similar. dont think about it too much.

SolidGoldBrass Fri 18-Sep-09 21:04:21

TBH if you are not in touch, leave her alone. You may well have good intentions but contacting her just because she has split up with her partner could seem ghoulish and intrusive.
Remember: relationships end sometimes. That isn't always a bad thing.

alwayslookingforanswers Fri 18-Sep-09 21:05:39

I have a happy story - my BF was married in her early 20's to a horrible violent man. When her 3rd child was young she left him. Shortly after she met her current DH . They've been married 12yrs now (together about 15 I think??), had 2 more children together and are very very happy (just the expected marital disputes - but they get through them). He's a lovely dad to all 5 children (and the 2 grandchildren)

Jumente Fri 18-Sep-09 21:22:57

Thankyou...well I thought nobody would reply, and sent a note to her, it was a bit garbled but I said I think we are neighbours again and that I'd heard vaguely about it and was sorry. I said I hope that whatever happened she is happy and OK etc. I said how much she inspired me when I was struggling with my baby, and listened to me etc etc and I often wonder how her son is doing.
I was worried about that SGB, but tbh it's a matter of time before we are on the same pavement and she'll be dreading having to trot out what happened again - it's obvious she is living there, and he isn't iyswim. I was just trying to break the ice so she isn't afraid of that.

I hope she takes it the right way.

Thankyou for the stories...keep them coming! It is so nice to hear about happy endings.

Niceguy2 Fri 18-Sep-09 21:24:33

Its always sad when a relationship ends. More so if its a long one.

I knew of two couples I aspired to. These were both couples which seem to have done everything by the book. House, kids, good jobs, good lifestyles. They didnt always see eye to eye but seemed to be able to compromise. Both had been together for 10+ years.

Then one day the man from one of the couples came for a brew and just told me that him & his wife were splitting up. Bang, that was a shock. Apparently the exterior was just a sham. At least for him. He hadn't been happy for a long time.

So now of all the people I know, there's but one couple who are still the typical nuclear family.

Very sad but alas a sign of the times.

Jumente Sat 19-Sep-09 06:00:40

Gosh that is sad Niceguy.

I just got up after an awful dream that I called round to her old house, and she answered the door and basically told me to feck off sad

However there was a very lovely reply on facebook waiting for me IRL grin

She took it the right way thank goodness and told me how her son is doing, etc.

I'm relieved and glad to know she didn't mind my writing to her. I'd been thinking about her for a while since we see her quite a bit (she said she hadn't noticed me!!) so it was only the confirmation that she was on her own now that kind of kicked me up the arse to get in touch. We'd have bumped into each other sooner or later I'm sure, but it'd have been more stressful on a busy street.

She is still an inspiration and a very lovely person of course. I feel much better now and hope she is pleased to have 'spoken' again.

Thankyou all x

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