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is there anything i can do about abusive/threatening texts from exp?

(12 Posts)
FrostyTheSnowgirl Wed 16-Sep-09 23:00:50

ds is 2 and has just been on a weekend break with exp and his parents, this was for 2 nights which is the longest he's ever been away and he's been very weepy and clingy since he got back. exp text me tonight and the concersation went as follows:

exp "Hi. Is there any chance i could take ds away in may for a week. we just looking at holidays for mallorca."

me: " hiya, i still think he's a bit young to go away from me for that long hes been a bit upset after the weekend, maybe after another couple short breaks in uk"

exp: "How is he too young. He loved Blackpool.Its just u. U need to stop treating him like a fucking baby"

me: "Think what u want I'm not apologizing for looking after my son he is only 2"

exp: "End of the day. Your spoilin his hoilday, Cause your so fucking selfish. Your fucking unreal. How old he gonna be till i can take him overseas. You dont trust me thats it at the end of the day. Look start playing this shit I will gladly turn nasty with you. You have fuck all better to do but fuck my sons happieness up so you get a kick."

me: "you're never anything but nasty I'm used to it. I'm not interested in the argument u clearly want. He is 2 and too young to be away from me for that long. thats not me spoiling his happiness its me protecting him so grow up he's not a possession he's a little boy"

Exp: " we will see. Your a fucking idiot.. The way you go on is why no one I know has a good word to say about you. Forget it."

Me: " ha aye ok"

Exp: " your laughing. At end of day its tayler that loses out. If you wanna take all this back to court I am more than happy. He is living in a house where is mum is a deprivive (???) and his grandad and grandmum are arguing every 5 mins. Plus splitting up. You think your the great mother you aint. I know that. DS will know that"

Sorry its so long, im so tired of all this it happens just about every week over something im at the end of my tether i really am sad

colditz Wed 16-Sep-09 23:04:44

Buy another sim card, use that for every day use, and only put this one back in whilst your ex has ds.

Sorry he's such a cunt - just disengage.

FrostyTheSnowgirl Wed 16-Sep-09 23:15:18

i tried that and he wouldnt text the other number. I just dont understand why he's the way he is i havent doen anything wrong

colditz Wed 16-Sep-09 23:19:18

Surely that's the whole point? If he won't text the other number, he can't send you abusive text messages, can he?

He is the way he is because he's a cunt. You need to stop striving for him to be the man you met and deal with him as the cunt he is now.

YOU can stop this. That conversation should have ended with "Stop treating him like a fucking baby". There was no response needed, and none should have been given. Does it matter if he goes away thinking he's 'right'? He's still not going to get what he wants, is he?

FrostyTheSnowgirl Wed 16-Sep-09 23:24:51

you're right colditz, i just always seem to have to defend myself. he's a nasty piece of work. sorry what i meant by not texting the other number he just bombards my proper number with texts and other abuse

colditz Wed 16-Sep-09 23:36:15

What I mean is, change the number and DON'T GIVE HIM THE NEW ONE.

Then on the occasions he takes ds, put your old number back in in case of emergency, and delete the fucking lot of abusiveness.

He has NO need to communicate with you until he arrives to pick up his son.

FrostyTheSnowgirl Thu 17-Sep-09 08:08:45

my number is a contract im not sure if I can change it or not. I actually hope he takes me back to court because he never keeps his contact hours and just dumps ds with his mum. he recently had ds on a fri instead of sat night on his request but it came back to bite him on the bum when he was arrested and locked up for the night on suspicion of murder that night he had ds!!!

cestlavielife Thu 17-Sep-09 11:31:35

hiya have same issue. hard as it is you ahve to not be drawn into conversation. as was said. you didnt ened to reply after ..you need to stop treting him...

i ahd to change my contract number - exP does NOT ahve the enw number.

i bought a pay as you go which is for him to text on and to speak to dcs. he is texting abuse on that phone but at least is separate and am keeping for next court hearing.

one technique is to say 2please refer to my earlier mesage on the subject"

you could also say "let's sit down and discuss it at mediation"

is there a court order? cafcass involved?

you need to grit teeth and make sure your text msgs are white and pure and simple stating facts. let him rant. dont rise to it --i know very hard.

he does have right to ASK to take him on holiday - you need to sit down and discuss why and how and when and your concerns and if they can be met... or if will be when he older.

from what i've seen cafcass dont like angry/warring parents - if they have evidence that you are equally angry as him they will say you just as bad as him...

FrostyTheSnowgirl Thu 17-Sep-09 12:51:04

Hi yeah we have a court order and I have residency so he gets reasonable contact with ds which I do give him he has him twice a week, but he just dumps him with his parents.

The thing which made me react is that he went from asking to take him away to saying that I'm a bad mother . And even though I have nothing to worry about in that respect it's still very stressful that he's making things up, yes my parents have split up but my mum has moved out and there are no arguments and My ds and I are on a list for our own home

cestlavielife Thu 17-Sep-09 14:15:28

absolutely is is extremely stressful - just gone for retail therapy in my lunch hour!!!

how he feels is his problem...

but yes doesnt make it easier - when you have to read msgs re: arrangemetns then they turn into accusations

oldraver Thu 17-Sep-09 20:57:17

If your on contract phone the company up and ask them for a change of number, Tell them you've had threatening calls. The go and buy a £10 PAYG and give him that no. Then do as all the other good advice

BertieBotts Sun 20-Sep-09 18:35:07

You can phone up your network and get his number barred, if there is any other way he could contact you about arrangements.

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