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Anyone else had a mediation nightmare?

(3 Posts)
MagicP Tue 15-Sep-09 22:10:35

i'm new to the board, been a single parent since my son was 10 mths (he's now 5) and only just discovered this website! It's been truly heartwarming to know that others have similar nightmare ex's to deal with. After allowing flexible access for 5 yrs all on my exes terms (he couldn't commit to regular contact because of his job) i stopped contact completely in May after being accused by my exes mum and by him of not caring for my son properly, won't go into details but she basically caused an appalling scene right in front of my son and his dad informed me that my son didn't have a good word to say about me and that he was going for custody, so after taking years of such rubbish i stopped contact and said that i'd only be willing to talk to him again via mediation. well i've just been today and it was a nightmare, i've had no child support since first of may, had to report him to CSA who are now taking payments but i'm left hugely out of pocket. the mediator put huge amounts of pressure on me to negotiate over the money and access (imagine a pushy timeshare seller) and i've come out without the money he owes me and with him getting weekday visits which are a no-no as he can't be trusted to bring him back at a reasonable time so he can go to school. feel so angry and upset by the whole thing!

mamas12 Tue 15-Sep-09 22:39:45

Oh my goodness
Can you go above the mediator tomorrow?
And remember you haven't signed anything and it's not written in stone you have not agreed to to anything formally yet, so don't panic.
I had to change my mind from what was suggested at the mediation session a few times because of EA controlling es who had 'charmed' the mediator and afterwards thought it through properly and tweaked the 'agreement'
Explain what you feel to the mediators manager and they should help you properly.
Meandwhile how about your poor ds, Has he said anything about this situation?

Harra Thu 17-Sep-09 12:16:17

Yes I have. I too split when my son was 10months old and he is now over 3. The medidiator in my experience wanted to find middle ground regardless of where we started from. My xp refused to discuss money at mediation and I too found myself agreeing to stuff I didn't want to. I found the mediator did not care and wanted a result asap. My xp is a nightmare and mediation broke down. We ended up in court - another nightmare and very expensive and I get no money despite the CSA as my xp works the system. So not very encouraging I'm afraid.

Generally it is good for children to see both parents and if you are able to say 'of course I would like xp to see ds but I think ds needs regular reliable contact'. And see how your xp responds in front of the mediator. But it is really hard and I know how upsetting it is when you are trying to do the best for ds. If you can come across as reasonable (which I'm sure you are) though it is very hard if like my xp your xp knows which buttons to push to wind you up.

The result for me at the moment is that we have shared residence and a court order in place with fixed times. xp has ds 2 out of 7 nights overall though there is a rota. We don't see each other at handovers. Xp does adore ds and ds does adore xp. Ds, luckily is fine and knows exactly where he is and when.

Sorry for you it is a horrible thing to go through. All the best.

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