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getting angry

(10 Posts)
purplepassion Fri 11-Sep-09 21:02:54

I have found myself getting really angry with ds(6) I find myself shouting at him for what are on the whole minor things I know that I am doing it but find it very hard to calm down. When I have calmed down I feel really guilty.

HelenaBonhamCarter Fri 11-Sep-09 21:11:56

When you are calm, go to him and say sorry. Explain that you are not angry and do not hate him, but you are frustrated because you want/need him to do a certain thing and he doesn't.

Give him a hug and say you love him and you are sorry and it isn't his fault but sometimes mummies do find it hard to make everything work out right and he needs to help you with that sometimes

but that if you shout at him it isn't his fault it's just you being in a bad mood.

Try and step back when you feel the urge, because it usually doesn't work anyway and you'll just get a sore throat.

Disarm yourself
Try being super nice instead
Goodluck smile

HelenaBonhamCarter Fri 11-Sep-09 21:14:03

Also try to get to root of problem

Is he annoying you more when he is tired/hungry/needs your physical presence and attention?

Are you trying to do too much/something tricky with him there? (my usual snapping point)

i have to force myself to slow down, leave my stuff and just BE with him sometimes at his pace

I know it is really hard

purplepassion Fri 11-Sep-09 21:17:31

it all sounds so simple, really going to give your suggestion a try, have been really worried that my moods are going to have a lasting effect on him and that he'll end up resenting me when he's older. I have wondered about herbal remedies to try to help me calm down

purplepassion Fri 11-Sep-09 21:19:05

quite often find its when we're trying to do reading homework and he gets words mixed up/wrong i get so frustrated with him

SolidGoldBrass Fri 11-Sep-09 21:19:23

I get angry with my DS too sometimes. I do the calming down and having a cuddle afterwards, and apologising when necessary (DS is nearly 5) and I frequently tell him that I love him no matter what.

HelenaBonhamCarter Fri 11-Sep-09 21:25:37

Ok Purple, did your parents do that to you?

Something like that is not his fault.

You do need to avoid that activity with him if it makes you so angry. Is there someone else who could read with him?

I think it's important always to try to repair any damage, that is, say sorry, explain, have a cuddle. He needs to know it isn't his fault you're reacting that way.

It doesn't stop the actual problem but it helsp to minimise the damage.

Maybe you need to talk to someone if his learning is upsetting you this much, it might be really counterproductive for him to be shouted at for something that he can't help. Could you ask your GP about some free counselling? It often helps get to the root of things a bit, gives you some support and a chance to figure out a way to deal with the trigger.
You sound like you do love him a lot and it's very brave and a good thing to come and talk about it here.

purplepassion Fri 11-Sep-09 21:43:07

you'd better believe i love him he's my life a friend suggested the gp but i was really scared that it make me a failure sad

popcorn123 Fri 11-Sep-09 22:56:30

I have realised reading your posts that I am probably too angry with dc's as well. Fine most of the time but ger really stressed when getting out of the house on time and end up getting sarcastic and annoyed with them.
ds1 has just started school and I am worried about not having the patience for homework particulalry as ds2 is always needing entertained as well.

Have only just realsied that this is not right - my mum was angry with us all the time , we never ever did anything to her satisfactiona dn I am so chilled compared tio that but I need to stop expecting them to do things to a tight timescale.
Also get stressed when they continue to have bedtime avoidance excuse after another when I am exhausted.

Not sure what to suggest - feel the same.

HelenaBonhamCarter Sat 12-Sep-09 07:27:35

It doesn't make you a failure. You're probably reacting like you do because the same was going on when you were a child, and you've never realised it. You're the one breaking the cycle, here - that's admirable and brave. You'll likely get nothing but respect for seeking help.

You don't have to give the GP much info, just say you are finding everything quite hard and would appreciate speaking to someone.

I think you are a great parent just for noticing this pattern and asking about it on here. Loads of us get into similar fixes with our dc's and would never admit it for fear of being shot down. You're one of the brave ones smile

Remember nobody is a perfect parent, we're all just muddling through. Counselling isn't about failing, it's about trying to see through the mist. I'd bet most of the mums on here have had some kind of counselling at some point and it does usually help a bit.

Anyway - first thing is recognising there's an issue and you have done that, so good on you.

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