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getting handovers right

(5 Posts)
cestlavielife Sun 06-Sep-09 23:55:06

so first the court oder is for supervised contact "by an appropriate adult" and for that adult to organize collection of children, given cafcass officers correct assumption that being in close vicinity only leads to stress (he verbally attacks, i try to stay calm but sometimes have to defend myself)

so by coming to my door he is breaking that court order right?

second, he tries to get foot in door. makes comments. even walked right in (childcarer was there not me that time, she left door on latch to go get bags..)

today he came to door to collect dds, then said "you have a lot of stuff in the living room, i saw it when i went in your flat the other day..." am i right to be furious? he is banned since smashing my flat up etc last year...

second - dds and ds alternating weekends as recommended by cafcass, largely due to ds special needs autism. midweek is all together as short time.

if he comes to collect ds, dds quite happy to wave goodbye. but if he collects dds, ds gets upset if exP calls him to door, insists on hugging kissing him, making big drama. then ds is asking all the time when he going to go with daddy...

if he doesnt see him he is fine to be told "see daddy next tuesday " or whatever...but being kissed on doorstep - no. he wants daddy to come in. daddy then says "oh i cannot come in because mummy wont let me".

dds understand mummy wont let him because of what he did - they get that daddy and mummy together doesnt work.

but ds doesnot fully get it - he has learning difficulties and is autistic.

i rang exP today after this - "please drop dds at driveway - they can walk themselves. you coming to door distresses ds" he sent text msgs "you are just bitter and twisted and dont want our son;s happiness" "he has right to see me" bla bla. he does and he is seeing him - but he needs a set routine knowing when he gets to go off with daddy (and the other adult)

another issue - exP hasnt utilised full time allocated by court order - turning up late etc. fair enough. but when he has had dds, they say he has left them with his friend and gone off to shops or whatever. oldest dd upset at this. what is point of seeing daddy if he goes off? so i texted him "dds sad at not spending full time with you and ask that you spend it with them the whole time when they with you"

again "this is you being bitter and twisted it does not come from them"

maybe i got my wording wrong? but i thought he should know...serves me right for trying to help him? and let him know kids views and wishes?

re: handovers - who do i tell? it has to stop...ds very upset today this evening been constantly asking see daddy see daddy because he was greeted on doorstep and saw dds go off - so thought was going to go off with him. too..

s i said - ds quite happy if he knows the routine..when we had fortnightly sessions at contact centre he was fine - would ask in between see daddy but knew from calendar when it would be. today he was devastated at seeing him on doorstep then not going. if he hadnt seen him up close would have been fine about dds going off.

cafcass or get solicitor onto it?

GypsyMoth Mon 07-Sep-09 13:05:22


keep a diary of all this. you need third party handovers. not fair on anyone. is there anyone who would do this? away from your home. its what i'm going to request.

no injunction i assume? who has 'banned' him from your home?

cestlavielife Mon 07-Sep-09 13:14:50

i have banned him. he is totally correct in saying 2mummy wont let me in". so far he had respected this.

but clearly he is being bold might have to go for non molestation order or whatever....

oldraver Mon 07-Sep-09 13:46:33

Email him or get your solicitor to mail him clearly state that he will need to get the 'appropiate adult who is supervising contact' to do handovers as per the contact order. State that if he comes for handover he is breaching the court order and you will hav to go back to court

If you allow him an inch he WILL take a mile.Nip it in the bud

GypsyMoth Mon 07-Sep-09 14:55:50

yes,nip it in the bud!

have followed your posts,your ex sounds as mad as mine. my own cafcass officer has just left,she really wants to say no contact at all to the judge,about my ex. first time in her career she has wanted this she says. god,i feel lucky!! just have to wait til court now in 2 weeks...

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