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No Male role models

(6 Posts)
fuckadoodledoo Sun 06-Sep-09 21:25:20

Just curious/concerned, I'm now a single mum to 2 girls , 2 different dads blush that seems bad enough! 9 and 15 months, sadly my dad is no longer alive, both their grandparents have exited with their dads (neither of whom are very pro active) no brothers, uncles or any male influences or examples around.... lots of single parent girl friends, how do I prevent my girls growing up with a really crap/desperate idea of men?

fuckadoodledoo Sun 06-Sep-09 21:29:32

or actually what i want to hear is that it@s fine and they won't struggle with it at all!

well..... it is fine. better no role model than a bad one IMO.

your dd will meet male teachers at school and various other role models will come along in unconventional situations.

fuckadoodledoo Mon 07-Sep-09 20:43:12

Thanks for that donttouch, so bloody many way to feel guilt soon as your a mum! but only so much you can have control over... I do worry they'll have unrealistic or negative expectations of men in future, but there's not an awful lot I can do I think, except try and encourage them to learn from my mistakes....

Flosswoss Fri 11-Sep-09 12:30:00

Fear not! I realise you have girls but my son is now 15 and has never really had male role models. His dad has never wanted to see him but he's quite chilled about it all - TBH I've never mentioned what a tool his dad was. As long as you keep a balance and don't berate men too much they'll be fine - if they see you doing a good job (which all we single parents do wink)then they'll grow up as well-rounded individuals. My sister's husband is a complete waste of space - arrogant, lazy and a loser - so goodness knows what example he's setting his son so remember that not all 'role models' are positive ones.

OptimistS Fri 11-Sep-09 13:29:51

I used to worry about this as I'm in a similar situation to the OP. I don't worry anymore.

My job, as a mother, is to bring up a decent human being. That's way more important than gender. Their genetic inheritance will influence their behaviour in terms of maleness or femaleness. Their upbringing will do the rest. They will be taught values and morals that I think are right for all people, regardless of their sex.

My son will grow up and 'impregnate' rather than 'carry a child in the womb' because that's what men do. He will support that child and its mother because that's what a decent person does. He does not need to see a father do that in order to know it's the right thing to do, just as you do not need to kill someone in order to know that it's the wrong thing to do.

I worry more that being a single parent means that my DC are not seeing the dynamics of a healthy relationship operating in front of them. however, it is better to have it absent than subject them to a a dysfunctional relationship, and its absence needn't stop me from telling them from how healthy and unhealthy relationships work in the abstract sense. there are many types of relationship between people. A sexual relationship is merely one type with the sexual element thrown in. As long as my DC grow up witnessing various types of healthy relationships and having their own healthy relationships with family and friends, they will do just fine.

the only thing I haven't got covered is someone to 'demonstrate' how to wee standing up grin

Hope that makes you feel better. smile

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