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Would you let XH take 16mth daughter on holiday to Thailand?

(15 Posts)
ohnobaby Sun 23-Aug-09 20:31:01

Hi, I'm new to all this, so sorry if I've not get any abbreviations. My DS? (daughter) is 16 months old. We split up a week ago and I have my daughter currently staying in a friends spare room until I find somewhere for us. We are also going on holiday to Cyprus in 2 weeks to see my parents who are retired over there. Since splitting he wants me to put in writing that I'll let her go to Thailand with him for two weeks on a family holiday. I'm really not keen, 1 - he doesn't have parental responsibility as she has an australian birth certificate, 2 - I'm worried about her getting ill 3 - The longest he's ever cared for her on his own is 2 nights when I've gone for a girls weekend - I don't know if he knows her well enough to cope with her for 2 weeks on his own. Fair enough his mum will be there and will help out but I just don't know if it's a good idea. I don't want to say he can't take her if it's going to cause problems for me taking her to Cyprus to see my parents all the time but then I'm just worried that something will happen to her

HecatesTwopenceworth Sun 23-Aug-09 20:36:56

Firstly - are you totally sure that he would bring her back? Not wanting to be alarmist, but is it an amicable break-up? No danger of him not returning her?

If that's not an issue, then I think it depends how involved he is with her. If he sees her a lot, has her for days and is as competent a parent as you are - then fine. He is her dad after all.

If, otoh, he sees her once a month for a couple of hours, then no. He would need a much closer relationship and much more experience of parenting.

maybe 2 weeks in this country first? A trial run.

MovingOutOfBlighty Sun 23-Aug-09 20:38:33

Oh my - I wouldn't let mine out of my sight for that long. I'm sure all would go well etc but still...

Could you suggest perhaps something less ambitious? Perhaps a long weekend away? It will be very unsettling for her I think with 2 weeks away.

KeithTalent Sun 23-Aug-09 20:40:12


StewieGriffinsMom Sun 23-Aug-09 20:42:28

Message withdrawn

mamas12 Sun 23-Aug-09 20:44:41


Not knowing all the details, but my gut reaction is no.

If he doesn't have parental responsiblilty he cannot stop you going to cyprus so don't worry about that.Ultimately it's down to your gut reaction and instinct and then not to be brow beaten and made to feel it's the wrong decisoin by the ex.
Good luck

gemmummy Sun 23-Aug-09 20:44:57

no. never. sorry to be blunt.

mrsdisorganised Sun 23-Aug-09 20:45:55

Definitely not.

ohnobaby Sun 23-Aug-09 20:46:16

Thanks all. I just wanted to get the general idea of how other parents do this. It is quite amicable but we have only just split up. So far he's had her for one night and a day.
Also, how does the break-up usually work with who gets what? We only just moved back from Australia a month ago and were staying with his mum. all our things arrive from oz at the end of september and first he said I could have everything and the car and now he's changed his mind and wants to split everything, sell the car and split that. What has everyone else done about things like that. I don't want to be unreasonable but I have no money, not even a bank account to be able to buy anything, whereas he's working, owns a property in uk and in bulgaria and just because he has no cash in his account at the moment, he still has alot more than me!

HecatesTwopenceworth Sun 23-Aug-09 20:48:19

On that I think he's being unreasonable. Say to him that you need those things to set up a home for his daughter! He has a responsibility to help provide a home for her.

iamunreasonable Sun 23-Aug-09 20:48:34

You need a solicitor ASAP

Best of luck with everything

Meglet Sun 23-Aug-09 20:50:16

I wouldn't be at all happy if my ex p wanted to do this. She is too young and Thailand is so far away.

skymoo Sun 23-Aug-09 20:57:05


Not a chance, I agree with the posters above, but even if you totally trusted him, what is he going to do with her in the evenings? Babysitting over there is pretty expensive if you use hotel chamber maids, and to be honest certain parts of Thailand are not what I would call 'child friendly'. ie rent boys walking around with old duffers, nude bars etc. I went to a bar with my ex h and as soon as I went to use the bathroom, he was propositioned!

I am going back about 15 years with my experience there but pretty sure it hasn't changed much.

Btw, are you a Brit returning from Oz? Just wondered how familiar you are with the system over here.

Good luck

ohnobaby Mon 24-Aug-09 08:23:32

Yeah, I'm a Brit returning from oz, she was born in oz and we decided to return as ex wanted to be closer to his family with her! I have an appointment at the solicitor's on Friday, so hopefully he will help me a little more as I have no idea if I'm being fair or asking too much. Thanks everyone!

notevenamousie Mon 24-Aug-09 20:40:09

I agree you need a solicitor and no way regarding Thailand (or 2 weeks, anywhere, tbh).

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