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XH is moving house, but won't say where

(11 Posts)
Nothernbird Sun 23-Aug-09 19:58:58

XH is moving house, but won't say where even tho the kids talk about it all the time. Should I just butt out and wait until he's ready to tell me (ie once he's moved in)? He assures me it's local...

Overmydeadbody Sun 23-Aug-09 20:01:36

Yeah just wait till he tells you.

Presumably if he sees the kids regularly you will know where he lives anyway right?

Don't play his games, he wants to wind you up by not telling you, so act indifferent, son't even ask.

Nothernbird Sun 23-Aug-09 20:09:33

I know you're right, but I find it really difficult! I think his gf is buying the new place - sounds amazing from what the kids have said - massive garden, 5 bedrooms, etc etc. I guess I just have to bite my lip and wait.

Overmydeadbody Sun 23-Aug-09 20:14:16

yep, of course it's hard, but your EXH knows that and is playing you, he's deliberately puching your buttons and being spiteful just to get a rise out of him.

So don't play along. Don't give it another thought. Who cares where he is moving to? Not you, you have far more interesting things to be thinking about than that.

Overmydeadbody Sun 23-Aug-09 20:14:45

Sorry, I meant just to get a rise out of you.

Nothernbird Sun 23-Aug-09 20:17:51

Yes - you're right. New house... what new house?!

terrier141 Mon 24-Aug-09 07:21:29

When he says "local" - im hoping its not next door to you!

HerBeatitude Mon 24-Aug-09 08:00:36

Yep ignore him, his doings are of no interest whatsoever to you until they have a direct affect on your children. Talking of which, he does of course have to tell you where he's moving to before the children go and stay with him, it's not reasonable to expect you not to know where your DC's are.

What a twat, how sad that an adult should have such an undeveloped psyche that he feels the need to behave like this. How lucky you are that you are not with him anymore.

cupofteaplease Mon 24-Aug-09 08:04:04

My ex has done this everytime he's moved house- I don't find out until after he's moved. He moved to his newest house a couple of months ago and I still don't know where it is, other than it's 'near X' which is a village 20 mins drive away. Dd has been there, but he hasn't told me the address and I sure as hell am not going to give him the satisfaction of asking! As long as I can still contact dd by mobile...

Nothernbird Mon 24-Aug-09 19:51:23

Ah, HerBeatitude, I could agree more with your last comment! I use the phrase far too often! grin

I guess as long as he tells me before the DCs go there, that's fine. It's just they're quite young, and I still find the whole separation thing (from them, not him) difficult. I suppose that all gets easier eventually too.

AnitaBlake Thu 10-Sep-09 11:20:19

It's difficult isn't it? We have similar problems with my Ohs ex. She has moved into her own home from her parents house. She has our address, but doesn't drive.

She won't allow pick ups from her house (we don't know why) and constantly bad mouths me. We have DSD over for the first time ever last Friday (two years of supervised contacts) and now she is complaining that she isn't happy that DSD is going places that she hasn't been to.

OH has had to fight through court to get any sort of regular contact with his DD and now she is threatening to stop contact (and certainly not allow overnights) until she has seen our house. We have offered to send pics of her bedroom (which is what the court suggested, also told her she had no right to come to our house) but this is not good enough for her.

She never tells OH what DSD has been up to, except on the rarest of occasions. OH has been rationed to four hours a fortnight because she had other plans and knows nothing of DSDs life outside of those four hours.

I think this stuff is about give and take. Often both parents feel that they are an 'optional extra' in the part of the childs life that they aren't included in. So long as the child is safe, the parents should trust each other to care for them properly in the time that they are in their custody.

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