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For those of you who share your dcs with ex on a 50/50 basis, can you please advise me?

(6 Posts)
inthemistsoftime Wed 19-Aug-09 18:46:39

As parents,both myself and my ex and I have been looking into selecting the best secondary school for our dd.

One suggestion is that one of us moves into the area of the best school in the hope that she would get in, and yes I know there are no guarantees, but it is worth trying.

The ex says that if he is the actual one to move that he would want then to assume 50/50 access to the dcs.

I have to appreciate that he is trying to do the best by his kids, but what I don't know is it the best thing for the children?

They have been living with me except for every other weekend since we split in November, and they have a very good relationship with their dad but I am very reluctant to go down the 50/50 route, maybe because I know that they will be spending a lot more time in after school clubs etc and may not actually benefit from being with their dad.

I would appreciate any body who is in or has been in a similar position giving me their experiences, good and bad


yerblurt Wed 19-Aug-09 20:47:07

shared care doesn't have to mean 50:50 and such a 50:50 split may not be the best for everyone.

What is the father's proposals? Split weeks, week-on week-off?

Some form of shared care is beneficial to children in terms of their long term development. The alternate weekends doesn't really allow children and fathers to develop as meaningful relationship as could be achieved.

Anyway, children should see the 'boring, routine' things that mum AND dad do - so they don't get gender sterotypes i.e. mum does all the 'boring' things and dad does all the 'fun' things. Mum and dad are probably better at different things so can contribute positively in all aspects of the kids schoolwork and life.

How about a long weekend thur or fri-mon (dad collects and drops off at school) in one week and then a couple of consecutive mid-week overnights in the other week? With 1/2 the hols shared between mum and dad overall that's pretty much a shared care arrangement.

inthemistsoftime Wed 19-Aug-09 21:17:11

thanks for replying yerblurt

I think long weekends etc is quite a good idea so that the dcs can still do all the clubs etc.

I am a little worried that he will want 1 week on, 1 week of iyswim, anf that will impact on their after school clubs and friends etc.

He hasn't made any proposals as yet, I just want to make sure that I have all my bases covered.

ChocHobNob Wed 19-Aug-09 21:56:44

How will it impact on their after school clubs and friends?

inthemistsoftime Thu 20-Aug-09 07:09:20

thanks choc, I am concerned about the after school clubs etc, so am hoping to reach agreement whereas he or the nanny will take them.

Snorbs Thu 20-Aug-09 10:49:21

When I did 50:50 care it was taken as a given that whichever parent had care for that week would take the relevant DC to the relevant after-school club.

I would, though, strongly recommend discussing any changes/additions to after-school club attendance; it's unreasonable for one parent to unilaterally sign a DC up for an after-school club without making sure that it's ok with the other parent who'll also have to take them there.

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