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How do you meet people when you're a SP?

(11 Posts)
HelterSkelter Mon 17-Aug-09 22:38:53

My husband keeps yoyoing back and forth but is going to leave permanently - may already have gone, I don't know. He works away all week. I have a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old baby and don't know many people where we've moved to. Whilst he is supporting us, we have some money, but it could all vanish very soon.

I would really like to meet other single parents, to find out how they are doing it and to just feel, well, normal hmm. I've looked on the internet for single parent support groups / events and have been really surprised how few there seem to be. What does everyone else do?

Mousey84 Mon 17-Aug-09 23:10:50

Im only really friendly with one other single parent in "real life" but MN is great for online support. I did a quick search and see you are in Edinburgh - Im sure there must be a few MN lone parents nearby (Im in N. Ireland, so not much help!)

Try to get to baby and toddler groups etc and just get chatting. Im sure you will find others in your situation.

well you advertise on here like shoptilidrop did then I come and see you...

MollieO Mon 17-Aug-09 23:16:32

Why do you specifically want to meet other single parents? You are automatically excluding a whole section of people who could be your friends simply because they have partners. Not sure I understand the sense in that when you've said that you don't know many people where you live.

HelterSkelter Tue 18-Aug-09 08:36:16

Molliemo - Because I feel a bit like a leper, with regard to normal families. And I also find it hard to see other normal families at the moment.

I simply don't know many people, I don't know in what other sense to explain it. I've lived in a lot of places and this particular town is (and, I have since heard, is known to be) particularly difficult for incomers to meet people. I am not in Edinburgh. I am an hour away in central scotland.

I've tried going to lots of mother and toddler groups for 2 years and made plenty of efforts. Another girl i do know slightly who was also an incomer at about the same time as me found the same. Whereas the born and bred locally mums seem to find one another. Maybe it's our english accents.

So do most s/m here not find or even feel the need of support from other s/m? You stick to local friends / families you had before your break up?

Mousey84 Tue 18-Aug-09 10:28:49

Im sure you didnt mean it like it sounds, but just because you are a single parent, it doesnt mean your family is not normal, its just not the traditional family unit.

I have been a lone parent since before the birth and didnt have any friends in the area when I moved here (few months before giving birth). My three best friends, who I met through tots groups, are all happily married, and while I often feel a little sadness at being single, they are great women who offer a lot of support. Likewise I support them when they need it. Most of the support we need it with our kids, not our relationships with husbands (or boyfriends in my case)

Im sorry to hear that you feel you have made the effort, but not really clicked with anyone. Is there a Gingerbread office in your local area? They are a charity who work with single parents and may be able to point you in right direction x

MrsH2B Tue 18-Aug-09 23:01:20

I'm sorry to hear you feel lonely. I'm no help as I'm in West Yorkshire! I had my DD on my own and didn't know any mums in the area when she was born (Nearly 5 now OMG!)

I made a few friends at the baby clinic eventually after smiling nervously at the same people every week! Everyone seemed to know eachother so it was daunting. I made the move by inviting a familiar face for a coffee. Friendships grew from there and 3 of us have even been on holiday together twice. One was married and one is now separated but their marital status and mine weren't an issue.

As your DC's get older you'll meet more and more people at playgroups/nurseries/schools etc.

Just keep trying. If you see the same faces around toddler groups / parks etc be brave and make a move. I don't have many 'mum' friends but the ones I have are diamonds.

Good luck. There's always us lot if all else fails xx

MrsH2B (Was Goingbonkers!)

ninah Wed 19-Aug-09 11:46:11

agree with those who say perservere, and don't exclude the smug marrieds!

RedHairedGirlie Thu 20-Aug-09 22:30:23

Hey HelterSkelter, I'm a single mum and living in Glasgow (although not from Scotland either) - I have met some great mums from mumsnet on a number of occasions and they are all so lovely smile - yes, it is hard sometimes being around other mums when talking about partners etc.. at first I just felt so uncomfortable, I guess I just wanted so much to talk about my wonderful partner sad to the point of just wanting to make one up!!!! hmm but it is getting easier, and I don't feel so uncomfortable any longer - I'm just enjoying meeting other mums and their wee ones... if you are close to Glasgow, you should check out the Glasgow meetup thread..

HelterSkelter Sat 22-Aug-09 21:36:37

ok, thanks everyone.

Nighbynight Sat 22-Aug-09 22:38:57

It can be a bit hard socialising with couples if you are single. If I like the couple, I am always just sitting there depressed, envying them their coupledom.
I have met a few lunatics who thought that I was interested in their dh's too.
Single parents can form very effective baby-sittng/car sharing circles, as their needs tend to be very similar.
Helter, I once spent a year in Scotland, it can feel very foreign, and be hard to fit in, as a member of the sometimes hated english. We are now living in a very rural area of bavaria, where its notoriously hard for foreigners to mix in, and after 3 years, we are finally getting settled here. sometimes it does take time.

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