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(14 Posts)
alfiechoosmum Thu 13-Aug-09 21:50:56

hey im new to this site thought id join as i dont really come on these much and my m8 thought it would be good for me to chat to people who are in similar postions to me.
im a single mum i have been since last year well in fact since my son was born if you know what i mean lol, his dad is useless and a waste of space.
my son lives with his dad 7 day and me 7 days which is a killer, just like to know if anyone is going through the same sort of thing as me? i have my court case on 24th of sept which is to decide on weather it should stay 7 days or i have him mon- fri ( fingers crossed it does ) im finding it really hard when im not with him and i just wanted to hear from someone that is going through that same thing, neway i love to chat so feel free to reply im nice ill reply back lol x thanks lou x

JuJusDad Thu 13-Aug-09 22:22:04

Hi, I'm one of the minority on here - a Dad. I'm also a single parent.

My court case is early Sept. Currently I've got full (interim) residency, but hoping to make it all full court orders (or however it's expressed).

Do you want to chat about that, or just generally?

Anyway, enjoy MN.

alfiechoosmum Thu 13-Aug-09 22:28:59

yeh im open to chat to any single parents, even though u worry me as im wanting to get full residency for my son and hoping my ex doesn't can i just ask what are the terms of your agreements? as with me and my ex i have my son half the month and so does he, its more he wants our son to go to school where he lives, i live in peterborough and he lives in norwich which is quite away.
i would have been having my court case on 19th of aug but as my barrister decided to bring in the cascaff officers i have to wait till 24th of sep did you have a cascaff report and if so what actually happens because i have mine on 27th of aug and im extremly nervous x

shelleylou Thu 13-Aug-09 22:43:19

welcome lou,
I would imagine that a week with week without your ds is really hard. That is a fair distance apart considering school arrangements. I vcant really help with your situation as although my exp lives a similar distance away from me as you and your ex. He does not have contact with my ds though his own choice/excuses.

alfiechoosmum Thu 13-Aug-09 22:50:03

i wish in a way mine wouldn't because as much as ds loves his dad, he is so bad for him and he uses him in his silly games, tries to mess with his head and tries to turn him against me. it is very hard but im so pleased that i walked away from a life which wasn't my own, i wasn't a mum i was a slave and a nanny, ive had a very hard year as i lost my mum last july and im still finding it hard even though its a year later i never got to grieve for her as all this was going on. im in a good place right now though, i have a new partner and things are good as i feel for the first time in so long free. do you find it hard with never having any time to yourself with your ds not seeing his dad? does he ask about him? x
p.s sorry for being nosey

FeelingOld Thu 13-Aug-09 22:52:06

Hi alfiechoosmum

Sorry cant offer any help or advice on this as not in similar position (am a single mum though) but just wanted to say welcome and hope someome will come along who can help you.

JuJusDad Thu 13-Aug-09 23:12:40

alfie - don't worry, my situation is doubtless very different from yours - one of the reasons I split from DD's mum was because she kept leaving us (variety of reasons, usually "my fault", but I became sole carer twice. The third time it was going to happen became the last), her current visa runs out next May, and two of the terms the visa are "no recourse to public funds" and that she can't (legally) work.

So there's some very practical reasons why she didn't get residency, plus a bunch of other stuff that I won't bore everyone with here.

Check your other thread for a website which has excellent advice and info on CAFCASS.

shelleylou Thu 13-Aug-09 23:14:21

I do find it hard but thats more down to my own stubborness as much as anything. My parents live 10 minutes walk away and will have ds whenever i ask, but i dont very often ask them. Its quite often mum seeing us on way into town me telling her what im doing 'ill take ds home with me so you can do it then' kind of thing.
Ive got used to it tbh exp wasnt reliable with contact as soon as i moved back to my hometown. Since march last year his contact with ds was irregular (a few months without contact then 1 or 2 weekends) and hasnt seen him at all since november. Ds is 2.9 and tbh doesnt know how is dad is. He does say dad now and again but if asked who that is he tells me 'i dont know'. Ive even shownt him a pic of ex on his own (if it was with ds even as a few weeks old he would know) asked ds how it was and got the same answer.
Theres no need to apologise

alfiechoosmum Thu 13-Aug-09 23:20:09

yeh im stubborn too, im used to doing things on my own too and have done since ds was born, his dad is useless its more his mum thats wants our son, his mum is the one that looks after our son even though he tries to make out he does which i know he doesn't.
i wish i could just bring my son up on my own i know i can do it. i suppose i will just have to wait and see how court goes and finger crossed it will go my way as i do not think it is right for his dad to have him when his mum will be doing the looking after.
did your exp every try to take you to court or just didn't wanna know?

alfiechoosmum Thu 13-Aug-09 23:22:14

Jujusdad- well i suppose that gives me some light at the end of the tunnel, im sorry to hear that ur exp kept leaving you and your ds, when i left my exp i took my son with me there is no way on earth i would have left him, but im guessing that you are a much better parent. i really hope you get full residency and i hope i do too x

shelleylou Thu 13-Aug-09 23:25:34

OMG has my ex and his mum moved without me knowing??!!! That is exactly what my ex and his mum were like. His mum even threatened to try take my son off me. The only thing he did was collect and return ds. Think that was at his mum wish though as shes text recently wanting us to go and stay there for a few days.
When we split up he left the flat and was just left that ds would stay with me. Never had to go to court re contact or residence. He wants ds to have his surname but none of the responsibilty (financial or otherwise) of bringing ds up.

Claire2009 Thu 13-Aug-09 23:26:26

Hi Alfiechoosmum, I'm a single mum to 2 toddlers (2 & 3yo) there is no court order's here but Ex sees the kids at mine 2-3 times a month, he isn't allowed to take them on his own anywhere due to being so shit!

Good Luck with everything and welcome to MN

alfiechoosmum Thu 13-Aug-09 23:31:34

ha ha my exp mum is mental like full on needs the jacket she threatened my friend when she was pregnant. i dont think some men know how to bring up children and need their mum to do it, my exp cant even look after himself let alone our son. i think he likes to make out to me that he can but i know he can't and i also know that he is better with me and just see his dad on the weekends but i dont think that will be happenin just yet. i think if his mum wasn't around he wouldn't want any think to do with my son.
well if i do win court then im going to make him pay for our son because he has never given me anything x

shelleylou Thu 13-Aug-09 23:50:42

i think with the situation at the minute you wouldnt really be entitled to much if anyu maintenance. If it does go down that route good luck with the CSA. Its took me since october to get them to take the shared care reduction of my exp. That reminds me actually i need to phone them tomorrow to find out where it is.

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