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So fed up with ex again

(7 Posts)
popcorn123 Sat 08-Aug-09 20:10:12

Just a rant mainly. Hadn't heard from or seen him for 2 weeks so very peaceful.

Starts phoning again last night wanting to see dc's (at short notice)

Anyway ds1 starts school in a week or so. Ex knows this. He doesn't know tha name or location of the school he is going to despite mw trying to get him involved at the time.
i have bought all school uniform with some help from my family and his family (mum and brother) who wanted to get something to celebrate the occassion. i attended all the preschool events taking time off work to do so.
Today he says that he was given NO notcie of dsa starting school and if he had known sooner then he could have taken time off work to go with him on the first day. Now he can't. As he already has school uniform therer is nothing for hi to do there.
He is complaining that he has been deliberatley excluded from all of this.
Drived you mad!
Really annoyed that my mum had said recently that it is very important that both parents accompanhy ds on his first day and had I let him know in advance!!

Also he has a new job to start at some time over the next 3 months. It will involve a longer (but managable-I think) commute.
He lives in family home (joint mortgagae).
He has now said that I have to move back to family home as he needs to move closer.
I don't want to do that because (1) I don't want to - too emotionally upsetting, too many bad memories holes in walls etc) (2) We have to sell it as financially can't manage in medium term (3) It is out of catchment area for ds1 school and ds2 nursery now (4) it is a more difficult comute for me (5) he would have to give me money to pay bills - I am financially independant ATM (he pays no maintenance) and that would allow him to manipulate me more.
(6) ds's are young as don't really remember that this is family home only see it as daddy's house
(7) ex would feel like he can come and go as he pleases

I basically said all this to him today. He actually seemed to accept some of it BUT the crux of the matter seems to be the house needs sold to plan for the long term - He cannot be bothered to do the work to get it in a fit state blaming work committments and saying that he will not have time etc etc.
No basically he want me back into the house to do the donkey work (and presumably) cost of getting it ready to sell and on the markey etc

He is the laziest person I have ever come accross. He went to bed (within minutes) when I got home from hospital after having ds2 ( I had been unwell) as the stress of worrying about me had been exhausting and left me 4 days post CS with s newborn and 15 month old and all the emotions!

I feel I have no choice but to do all the work - and look after 2 ds's and work etc

HELP - I really don't want to move back home am I being selfish?

HecatesTwopenceworth Sat 08-Aug-09 20:12:00

nope. I wouldn't do it that's for sure!!! Why should he call the shots?

hambo Sat 08-Aug-09 20:13:36

You are not being selfish - but you know that.

You are in a really hard position, but I think you should stick to your guns.

Good luck.

popcorn123 Sat 08-Aug-09 20:17:06

Sorry for all the typos!

mamas12 Sat 08-Aug-09 23:54:38

Don't move back in you know it's wrong on all the counts you mentioned.
Right then so who can?
Any other member of the family who could be 'project manager' of getting this house saleable?
What about you project managing the workmen etc. during the day while dcs at nursery/school and leaving the bills to the ex.
I think legitamately you could get the house done up to estate agents reccomendations then get viewers in yourself.
Why not be proactive in getting this house sold and then that would mean less contact to the ex.

popcorn123 Thu 13-Aug-09 22:14:11

Ex is shockingly (or not!) happy with the idea that he stays in the house with a longer commute if it gets put on the market and i do all the work to get it ready and dealings with estate agents etc.
The idea of having closure etc is great but I have my own house to run, 2 dc's and a nearly full time job!

mamas12 Thu 13-Aug-09 23:25:55

Get all workmen decorators in at the same time. Doesn't matter about inconveniencing him, it needs to be done right. Make a plan inform him when it's going to happen and just go there while he's at work or go with someone else.
It looks like you have to do it if you really have to get it sold. So concentrate on the end result.
One house sold and getting on with the rest of your life.

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