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single parent holiday experience, what do you make of this?????

(21 Posts)
ideasplz Sat 08-Aug-09 11:56:17

i took my ds 8 to holiday this year, as he didnt have a sea holiday since he was 5.
i usually dont feel lonely, only prefer companies of people that i click very well.
that holiday would be nicer for me if i was with a good friend but as you know its sometimes hard to arrange such a thing.
my ds didnt feel bored very much, he experienced lots of things there, he is extrovert and made friends easly whereever he was.
for me i looked after him, stayed alone, read my book and tried to enjoy everything with him as much as i can.
the meal times made me think such things;
why other people all with family and i am alone?
-is it because i have too much independant nature?
-is it because i was unlucky to have a good family (i had 2 marriages)
-is it because i have bad nature.
-is it because i am scared of having new friendships-relationships (currently i am not looking for anyone-i had so much bad experiences)
i cant find the reason. maybe i am good at coping alone.
a lady who saw me alone said at last day she wouldnt stay there more than 2 days alone, she wouldnt be able to do that. and i stayed 10 days.
really i dont know what to make of this?
sometimes i suspect am i doing something wrong? why im alone? is being alone bad?
thanks in advance for any ideas.

piscesmoon Sat 08-Aug-09 12:08:36

It sounds as if it was a successful holiday that DC will look back on with pleasure. I really wouldn't worry about it. Couples aren't often having as good a time as it appears-lots get divorced after a holiday!
Lots of people just miss out if they won't go alone.

MollieO Sat 08-Aug-09 12:26:35

I go on holiay with my ds, just the two of us, and never have those thoughts. People make comments but it doesn't bother me as I enjoy my own company and not being beholden to anyone. If you are the same then there is no reason to feel sad because of what other people say.

ideasplz Sat 08-Aug-09 17:58:17

thank you very much for your answers.
i didnt worry really, i was comfortable-but maybe a bit lonely, which i am used to.
*it just made me question myself again a bit.*
that lady didnt upset me, she had good intentions i know.
we didnt know each other much, we spoke on last day, she didnt know i was a single parent.

notevenamousie Sat 08-Aug-09 18:07:52

I too take my dd on holiday on my own - when I can afford to. We have a great time. There are people that think it's weird, along with some of the other stuff we do, like going for Mummy-and-DD-fish-and-chips, another of our lovely treats! Well done you for giving your DS some lovely memories.

millimummy Sat 08-Aug-09 18:17:08

Not exactly on point, but I have always enjoyed going to the cinema alone. My sister cannot and will not go alone. She thinks it is strange. If I had waited until I had a partner to do anything I would never have gone to Vietnam by myself or Burma or Moscow ... or lots of other places.

I cannot advise on some of the questions you raise. But you and your son are a family. And I always think you are not alone with a good book. Enjoy it how it is: either your family will get bigger at some point (which will make this time now where it is just the two of you precious) or not (in which case, start to enjoy it). I am not saying that it is not difficult sometimes. It is. But as somebody else said, you are giving your son happy memories (and not all two parent holidays are happy; far from it). Enjoy and take care.

MaggieBeauVirgo Sat 08-Aug-09 18:17:11

That lady meant well, but I honestly pity women of my own generation who think like that. I'd reply "really? well, I'm so lucky, I'm content in my own company" and beam back at her serenely.

I'd rather be on my own that with somebody and fighting. Holidays are very stressful, trying to please somebody else or ignore their bossiness or their awkwardness or lack of flexibility.

Problems easier to deal with on your own.

I am on my own now because I picked a wrong 'un. And now I'm concentrating on children, never meet anybody, no potential men.

It's that simple imo. I don't feel that there's something wrong or different about me.

I want to take the children to lego land next year.

piscesmoon Sat 08-Aug-09 19:48:51

I think that the people that you have to really feel sorry for are those who won't do anything without someone to go with-they are the ones missing out. I admire anyone who does what they want to do regardless of company-you are are good role model for your DS.

popcorn123 Sat 08-Aug-09 20:14:43

I want away for a few days on my own with 2 ds's. I had a good time - it was nice not to always have to consider what other adults want to do and I also spent alotof time reading my book!

My ds's had a great time and didn't seem to notice that everyone else had at least 2 adults with them

I did get some strange looks but no actual comments mainly in the evening during the kids entertainment when I sat with a book.

I am quite shy with new people so didn'y try to mix.

I would definitely do it again - but I think you do have to have thick skin.
I think people get nervous when things are out of the norm.

ideasplz Sat 08-Aug-09 23:15:41

thank you so much for your supporting ideas piscesmoon, mollieO, notevenamousie, milliemummy, MaggieBeauVirgo, popcorn123.
i agree with all of you.
i hesitated a bit, now you returned me on my track .
thanks a lot.

ideasplz Sat 08-Aug-09 23:22:02

i should say 'i got confused', instead of saying 'hesitated'.

elastamum Sun 09-Aug-09 04:25:59

I took my boys skiing on my own last year to a Mark Warner hotel. I did get a few odd looks being thenonly LP there but people were very nice to me. One mum came over and said her party thought I was really brave taking kids skiing alone. On the other hand, I know tghe resort, we are all very good skiiers and we had an absolute ball! We are already planning next years big trip, just the 3 of us. If you are happy just do your own thing and dont worry what other people think smile

piscesmoon Sun 09-Aug-09 08:09:20

Even though I am married I have taken my DSs skiing on my own. My DH hates it and I love it. The first time DS2&3 were toddlers and I took DS1 who was 11 yrs. We just stayed in a hotel, half board-we both had lessons in the morning, met for lunch and then skiied together all afternoon. We went on some social things in the evening like bowling and a sleigh ride. The second time I took DS2 aged 12 yrs and DS3 aged 10 yrs and again we did half board in a hotel, people shared tables and we sat with another 2 families every evening and did a few social things like go up the mountain for a fondu.We did the same -morning lessons and skiied together in the afternoon.
On both occasions we were on skis all day so happy just to relax the rest of the time. On one occasion when DS1 was about 7 yrs I found a group to go with and there were lots of children -I was a single parent at that stage and the rest were couples but it was fine.
I don't think you need to worry about what others think-I did explain to some that DH just doesn't like the cold and skiing but I didn't explain to everyone. No one asked. I only got one comment when I was trying to relax over coffee at breakfast and the boys were raring to go-they said it must be exhausting on my own.
I would just go for it-I think you will find that most people secretly admire you rather than feel sorry for you. It has lots of advantages.

Leslaki Mon 10-Aug-09 22:39:38

I am going back to Italy on Friday with my 2 Dcs - last year was first holiday alone after XH left for OW. I was a bit scared but had the best, most fantastic time EVER!!! No moaning husband or having to cater to his selfish needs! Kids n I came first and we had such a good time that this years holiday as booked within days of returning!!!
maggie - you got it right - I too am on my own cos I married a wrong un!

Snorbs Mon 10-Aug-09 23:16:23

I've just come back from taking my two DCs camping for a week in Devon. The first time I took them away by myself I remember feeling a bit out of place but once I realised it was all in my head and there was nothing difficult about it, I love it.

People who can't bear the thought of either spending time by themselves, or as sole adult sharing a holiday with their child(ren), make me a bit uncomfortable TBH. I can understand children not being happy with more than a few hours in their own company but adults?

Nighbynight Mon 10-Aug-09 23:39:31

The problem is that a few hours slips into being days slips into being years...I spend a lot of time on my own, and do enjoy it, but am also aware that time is slipping away fast, and I really now feel that I wouldn't know how to have another relationship, or even look for anyone.

prettyfly1 Tue 11-Aug-09 22:31:09

Honest I dont think you should worry - it sounds like you had a lovely break on your terms with your ds. I go out for dinner alone, go on holiday alone, shop alone, go to the cinema alone, and i LOVE it. Lots of people think its odd but actually it is just a mark of being comfortable with yourself.

Snorbs Tue 11-Aug-09 23:08:18

Nighbynight, I think I see what you're saying. I've been single for three years now and I do sometimes wonder if I'll ever have another relationship. On the other hand, though, I don't feel that time's slipping away. If I have another relationship then I will; if I don't, then I won't. I don't feel that there's any kind of hurry. Anyway, my life's so busy being a working single parent that I don't really have the time to feel lonely grin

Hobnobfanatic Tue 11-Aug-09 23:17:34

I love going on holiday solo with my LO. Now I'm in a relationship, I still try to get the odd break away with just her and me as 'special' girls' time.

I know what you mean about independence, though. I often find it harder and more stressful to be in a relationship than be a single parent. I love being my own boss and 'me time'!

JJsandcat Thu 13-Aug-09 17:23:05

It sounds like you had a great holiday and your DS loved it very much. I don't think people are alone or married, whatever, because they are good/bad/etc. people. Everyones lives just go different ways and it's the choices you make or someone else makes that open or close doors. I don't think that's a bad thing. Being single you have a lot more freedom than a married person, which on the other hand might find comfort in the way you don't -which shouldn't really matter to you if you're happy.

I'd cut this woman some slack, there's hardly a need for a chip on shoulder response to bitch back or show your teeth. Showing pity implies that you think you are better off which is the notion of arrogance. Different things work for different people, esp. if there's a generation gap. No offence meant, just an observation.

See, I'm an only child and I quite like to spend time by myself. My DD is happy to potter around by herself, a very self-sufficient little thing. Sometimes I miss company but then I read another book, go to the movies alone, mall trawl, etc. I'm happy with my life and thus comfortable in my own company without having to be distracted.

Maybe because you had a few bad experiences you're happy to stay on the 'sidelines' for the time being. It's not bad at all to be on one's own, I think it will give you a deeper relationship with your DS and you can be truer (grammar?) to yourself because you are just yourself, not bending to compromise for a partner.

Andrea67 Mon 31-Aug-09 21:14:33

Hi there!

I am a married woman with a 7 year old boy. My husband an I are hopefully going to be fostering three small children very soon. I'm a traveller - he isn't!

Can anyone recommend places for 1 adult and 4 small children under 8? I am thinking mainly of sleeping arrangements, travel arrangements, cost,etc..

I like a nice holiday, but don't want to be penalised for being on my own.

Thanks,

Andrea

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