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Can i keep my DS and not return him to ex?

(24 Posts)
sonpan Fri 07-Aug-09 15:25:37

Need some advice please.

I have picked up my DS for a contact day and he has bruising on his face. Looks like a nasty black eye.

Can i refuse to return DS to the ex due to worries of abuse?

Any comments would be handy.

SixtyFootDoll Fri 07-Aug-09 15:27:27

Have you asked where the bruising came from?
MAy be a rational explanation?

If there isnt one and you genuinley believe it is abuse, contact social services

Jaquelinehyde Fri 07-Aug-09 15:27:41

It depends on your situation. More information is needed before an accurate answer can be given.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Fri 07-Aug-09 15:28:41

Does your ex have a residence order?

How old is your son? Has he said what happened?

sonpan Fri 07-Aug-09 15:51:45

Son has just gone 3 years of age. H is not saying how it happend. Just says that it hurts him. No residency order in place at the moment but contact was negotiated through the court.
Cant ask where the bruising has come from as we do not and can not speak.
I dont feel that he should go back to some one who has potentialy hurt him.

Please help with advice.

Buda Fri 07-Aug-09 15:56:04

You don't know that your ex has hurt him though.

beanieb Fri 07-Aug-09 15:58:33

can you call your ex and ask how it happened?

sonpan Fri 07-Aug-09 15:59:45

No, but i have my suspisions. I dont want DS returning if he can get hurt. Just need to know what can be done or not done in this situation. It's very nasty.

sonpan Fri 07-Aug-09 16:00:43

me and exp do not speak at all. We cant communicate and everything is through solicitors at the moment.

LIZS Fri 07-Aug-09 16:01:13

If there is a court order you cannot juts keep him. Perhaps call NSPCC for advice ?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Fri 07-Aug-09 16:01:26

There's no evidence to suggest your ex has harmed him though, he may have fallen over.

To be honest, I think you need to get some advice from someone who is qualified to help you. Social services or the NSPCC helpline can do this alot better. If there's no residency order then it's uncertain either way as to what could happen if he's returned home or not. If you feel as if he's in immediate danger if he returns home then you do need to contact social services. This really is the best route, they can advise you and put measures in place.

I really do understand that this is upsetting. Poor mite, I hope he's OK.

SixtyFootDoll Fri 07-Aug-09 16:02:47

If you suspect DH hs deliberately hurt him then contact social services.
They will investigate it jointly with the Police.
They will have to be involved if you dont return DS home.
Take a photograph of the bruising.
Did you ask DS what happened to his face?
Dont ask things llike 'Did Daddy do it?'

sonpan Fri 07-Aug-09 16:05:18

It's mummy that i think has done it. Sorry, i am a man!
I have asked but ds doesnt speak very much.

Longtalljosie Fri 07-Aug-09 16:09:08

How old is your son? Has your ex been violent before?

beanieb Fri 07-Aug-09 16:09:39

can you use whoever is fascilitating the contact to ask your OH ?

Kids get bumps all the time. You would be very wrong to just keep your son and it could go against you in any future contact cases.

Maybe now is the time to talk to your ex and simply ask how your son got the bump. When you say 'can not speak' why is that?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Fri 07-Aug-09 16:10:37

You still need to contact social services. Does your child have any more bruises?

artichokes Fri 07-Aug-09 16:14:56

Call the NSPCC. We are not experts - they are. You presumably have very limited time before you have to return him. Don't spend that time chatting to strangers on the internet, it won't give you answers but will decrease your interaction with your son.

I hope NSPCC are helpful.

ilovemydogandmrobama Fri 07-Aug-09 16:15:49

There is always an on call social worker. Call them.

cheesesarnie Fri 07-Aug-09 16:17:23

if you are that concerned-as in you really think your ex could have hurt your dc-surely youd be straight on the matter what relationship between you is like?

id phone nspcc for advice tbh

my 3 year old(and the 9 and 8 year olds)always have plenty of bruises from just general being children(i swear they could get them if left in padded room alone for a day)what makes you think this is different,that this has been done by your ex?

Tortoise Fri 07-Aug-09 16:21:49

I agree that you should call social services and ask their advice.

SixtyFootDoll Fri 07-Aug-09 16:36:42

Sorry sonpan to make assumptions.
I work in child protection.
You can contact SS and tell them of your concerns - wil probably be the out of hours service now.
They may well want you to take your DS for a medical.
Police will be notified as well.

SixtyFootDoll Sun 09-Aug-09 14:11:34

any updaate?

carter657 Sun 09-Aug-09 16:39:52

i agree with sixtyfootdaoll, i also work in child protection,
you need to report this to social services asap so that they can take it from there.
if there is a contact order you cant break it however social services can say that he can not return and then place him in your care.
i would always recommend this - it may have been an accident but you would feel awful if it wasnt and something worse happened next time

OnlyWantsOne Wed 12-Aug-09 14:43:09

update wanted... hope everything turned out ok xx

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