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Mediation has anyone tied it, what are their experiences?

(6 Posts)
emmawil37 Thu 30-Jul-09 09:47:32

Hi all,

My husband left 2 months ago, i haven't had any contact with him nor have my children for over 3 weeks when he turned up on a visiting day very late infact I had to pick him up, hungover with a lovebite on his shoulder which he tried telling me was a 'heat rash' we had a row and he diseappered I have had no way of conntacting him.

Anyway yesterday a letter came through the door saying he had booked an appointment for mediation, i put it back a week as i don't want to be rushed into anything unless I know excatley what I want out of it.

i was wondering has anybody else tried this, and what their experiences of it were?

Thanks emxx

lara27 Thu 30-Jul-09 10:35:11

Hi, I don't have personal experience of family mediation but I have used mediation often in my work and I highly recommend giving it a try as it gives both of you an opportunity to try and sort out what is going to happen next (whether there is a possibility of reconcilliation or, if not, what financial/contact arrangements are best suited to your situation) face to face with the assistance of a trained independent mediator. Have a look at the website which has some useful explanations of the process. If you feel that there is no likelihood that the marriage can be rescued and you want to know what your rights are in a divorce then I suggest you consult a solicitor prior to the mediation. You can also, usually, take a solicitor (or other third party) with you to the mediation to help you. Best of luck.!

taken4granted Sat 08-Aug-09 14:23:41

I went to mediation and I dont think they were much use whatsoever as it totally depends on the individuals involved your your ex p and the mediator - my exp was a conniving swine would suggest he wouold consider all sorts on front of mediator and then as soon as he got to work he would e mail and say no then suggest all sorts of crap instead - and I had to pay for the benefit of it £60 a time which I could ill afford the git! be strong and get a god solicitor set out what you want add a bit more for negotiation compromise factors and stick to it.

carter657 Sun 09-Aug-09 16:54:27

the way the court works now is that if you go to a solicitor wanting to take something to sourt, contact residence etc they make you go to mediation first unless theres a good enough reason why you shouldnt.

Ive been to mediaton and it didnt help so still ended up going to court but now looking into going back to sort the final bits out.

mediation isnt cheap, think mine was about £100 an hour but its free if you get legal aid!
seems a lot of money but my solicitor costs £220 an hour!

also if you go to court and cant agree district judges cant enforce an order on you so you have to go to family proceeding court with barristers and if you dont qualify for legal aid it will cost a fortune!

just as a guideline, my case has been going on since mid may in court and been twice with just a solicitor and my legal bill is 6k and to be honest i dont feel as though ive got anythign for it - hence why we are going back to mediation!

taken4granted Wed 12-Aug-09 21:42:37

I was entiteled to legal aid however still had to pay £60 per time for the privilege of a dopey woman who was "charmed" the my ex low life. as explained he agreed to allsorts in mediation then changed his mind within mins of walking through the door. As above however you need to go as the courts take a dim view of not attending and for all its faults we did avoid court (initially) it looks as though the low life is looking to take me now to court but thats another story. Good luck with it anyway

alfiechoosmum Fri 14-Aug-09 09:43:06

ive been to mediation not so long ago and all i can say its what a waste of time it was!! like taken4granted i was sat in a room with some women looking down on me but loving my ex and letting him have his say and pretty much ignoring everything i did, and i not only had to do this once but 3 times such a waste of time and my exp didn't agree to anything then again my exp is a stubborn boy lol and thinks everything should be his way! so id say unless your ex is nothing like mine then have a try at it, it might work for take time to write out excaulty what you want from this whole situation before you go as the mediator is like a dentist tries to rush u in and get u out as quick as lol. my ex would make all these promises in front of her and then he would say oh no i can't do that. goodluck and i hope you can sort things out it sucks when your whole life is being decided by someone else doesn't it i know the feeling oh too well.

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