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XP is using DS to get at me..

(6 Posts)
Janos Wed 29-Jul-09 13:46:55

Ok, some background...As some of you will know I'm still in the middle of a court case sorting out residence for my DS, who is 4.

Anyway I strongly suspected it after some peculiar comments from DS and now I have evidence, of a sort (ie DS has said something to someone who isn't me!) I don'tw ant to give 'examples' but believe me when I say they are not anything you can imagine a 4 year old coming out with 'off their own bat'.

As well as this he is now telling his own solicitor blatant lies and just just generally being a bullying arsehole. I could give so many examples.

Now, I can handle his nastiness but I'm really upset he is doing this to DS who loves his Dad and will accept what he says.

So how on earth to I handle this? There is absolutely no point approaching him directly about this as he will just deny it and say I'm making things up (and may also take it out on DS).

Currently he was weekend contact - Fri eve to Sun afternoon. I'm wondering whether I should reduce this? He's also wanting to go to mediation which I think he imagines will be an opportunity to just bully and push until he gets his own way again.
I'm willing to go - as how will it look as I refuse - but am very wary of him. he is not the sort of person to imagine he is ever in the wrong and can be very, very manipulative.

Some advice would be very helpful please. My main aim in all this is to protect DS. I don't want to stop him seeing his Dad but this is causing a lot of concern.

mamas12 Wed 29-Jul-09 17:36:18

Wow janos
Does your sol know about this inappropiate behaviour, and can the person state on record what you ds has said?
If the mediation is for contact you should bring it up with the mediator. Perhaps you could go see her/him first just to let them know he is an EA, as when I went I found out that my ex had gone a day before me (our appointments were to follow each then have one together) and was sooo charming and she was completely won over and it was a slog then.

Janos Wed 29-Jul-09 18:42:42

Thank you mamas12.

The person who heard iut would certainly be willing to go on record and say it. I happen to know their opinion would carry a lot of weight too.

No my solicitor doesn't know as I have had suspicions but no actual proof. Of course DS has said stuff to me butI imagine that my evidence would be discounted.

Think I may need to geta new sol as well as they one I currently have is too 'nice' IYSWIM.

My instinct is that reducing contacvt would a be a good idea but as I say DS likes to see Dad..and I know he woul duse it against me.

andyourpoint Wed 29-Jul-09 21:20:26

Do you have a court order about contact?
Would it look like you are trying to unilaterally reduce contact?

Janos Sat 01-Aug-09 10:00:03

Sorry for lack of response andyourpoint.

No, there is no court order in place about contact but I'm pushing to get one. I prefer to keep dealings with XP to a minimum due to bullying/controlling behaviour.

If I just refused contact without a good reason (ore what is viewed as a good reason) then it would not be looked on favourably.

I genuinely do not think that DS is 'suffering' from the point of not wanting to see his Dad or anything like that. He always looks forward to the weekend. It's just some of the stuff he comes out with is concerning me.

The sooner mediation can be set up the better AFAIC.

mrsmortenharket Mon 03-Aug-09 14:15:47

oh janos sad i have similar prob with x and the things he says to dd.

how was the weekend?((((())))

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