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How do you cope when you lose the love of your life?

(9 Posts)
thesilverlining Mon 27-Jul-09 11:33:31

I thought I was doing ok but in a very short space of time H is off out pubbing and looking for the next Mrs H - how the hell do I get over this feeling of despair - and that sick to your stomach feeling?

All suggestions gratefully received - eldest DC is already picking up on the fact that Mummy is feeling desolate.

ahhhmen Mon 27-Jul-09 15:29:19

How long ago did u split up? It will probably take ages to get over the feeling of despair, but that sick feeling will get less and less.

You need to think about you, fill every second you can doing something to keep your mind occupied, visit friends, plan a holiday, or just a weekend away, get yourself out as much as possible, exercise this is a great 1 for making yourself feel better it releases positive hormones.

I still think about my ex constantly and I cant help but think about him and his new girlfriend and what they could be getting up to, but I'm starting to realise its pointless, its not going to change anything.

FeelingOld Mon 27-Jul-09 15:59:05

Sorry you are feeling this way.

All i can tell you is that it does get easier to cope with in time. I felt like you do this time last year but i now realise how far i have come since then. Try not to sit and dwell (easier said than done i know, have laid awake many a night crying and wondering what ex-h was up to with his new gf) try to keep busy with anything you can.

thesilverlining Tue 28-Jul-09 15:27:58

Thank you guys. It is very recent still - April this year and there was reconciliation on the cards which has now been blown out as he found someone else.

I just feel really sick all the time wondering what he's up to and also angry that he walks away into this new life and I'm left stuck in the house unable to go anywhere or do anything as I have no babysitting except him.

ahhhmen - funnily enough i booked a christmas break yesterday - no way am I sitting in my lounge alone on xmas day!

feeling old - I am sure a year will give me plenty of time to get on with my life. I was doing fine but this new development has knocked me for six thats all

thanks again for taking the time to post

JJsandcat Tue 28-Jul-09 16:54:41

So sorry to hear that. I don't think there's any hard and fast rules, everyone is different. It's doubly hurtful if you have a child together but I do vividly remember being dumped by my then fiance days ahead of my birthday with date set and all. I still wouldn't miss the fun of kicking him in the teeth the cheating bastard but then it's been years and I focus on another thought and the memory disappears, or better: it ceases to be important.

Yes, make sure you do talk talk talk to your close friends about it. Have you thought about counselling? I know you probably think you should solder (sp?) on but you have a small child to care for and Lord knows it's hard enough to split from a rat but even harder if that's the other parent and you will always somehow be in each other's lives IYSWIM. I really, really feel for you.

A break sounds great, maybe get him to babysit more (if you can stand it) and go out with friends, go out, out, out. Be among people, do not under any circumstances bury yourself at home! How old are your dc? Are they in school? In nurseryy? Try and get time for yourself, pampering, taking up a new hobby, socializing more.

Do your kids know what's going on? Give them that extra cuddle but make sure your H does his bit, even when he's chasing every girl in town. You don't say why you split, but even men have rebound flings which mean nothing if that helps you. The best, very best thing though is to see him unworthy of any more romantic attention because he'll use it to get things from you (ironed shirts, packed suitcases, sex, etc.) DO NOT BE A MUPPET. It's HIS loss, right! He'll be the one bawling when you find a kind, sexy new man. Yes, it will happen. Trust me!

I was so down, I thought I'd never get my life together again, it didn't help I was overseas and lonely. But it has and it was all meant to turn out this way. Thank your good fortune you're rid of that guy who clearly doesn't deserve you. Someone else WILL come along. x

thesilverlining Tue 28-Jul-09 16:59:21

bless you jj thats lovely

He left us because he said simply he didn't love me anymore

I think hes rather pathetic actually now but the problem is he is still the love of my life after my children

I guess I need to focus on them and hope to god I get over this

chickybabe Thu 10-Sep-09 23:30:58

I've never been on this forum before, but your question has been the same question I have been asking myself for the 7 weeks since my H left, and just reading it has answered it for me IYSWIM......You get over it because he is NOT the love of your life, if he was you wouldn't be asking the I making any sense? because it is suddenly very clear to me.....xx

SolidGoldBrass Thu 10-Sep-09 23:35:39

Firstly, every day in every way it gets a little bit easier.
Secondly, when it's hard, make a mental picture of him sat on the loo with explosive diarrhoea, a pair of already-shat baggy y-fronts round his ankles, greasy hair, a big zit on his forehead, picking his nose.
Thirdly, keep your contact with him to a minimum and keep it strictly to issues to do with DC and/or finance if applicable.
And finally: think about all the things you enjoy and care about, all the hobbies and interests you never got around to pursuing, and start getting involved with a few of them again. There is more to life than 'love' in the sense of romantic heteromonogamy.

thesilverlining Fri 11-Sep-09 21:53:43

thought you'd all like an update as you were kind enough to reply to me.

I still love him to pieces but he's been shagging this bird for 2 months now and I thinks its time to let that one go - I mean if he cannot see what a wonderful thing he's thrown away (and I don't just mean me LOL I mean our family unit - DCs nice life etc) then he doesn't deserve to have it.

SGB - thats sound advice about keeping contact to a minimum because thats the only time I crumble inside (not that I let him see it of course) so am going to make sure I don't get into the "how're you" text chats etc

Moral of the story for me is - I won't be giving my heart away again. A nice solid brick wall has been built and noone is going to break it down like he did again

Thanks again ladies

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