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Would it bother you if your sister asked both yourself & your ex to be godparents to their baby?

(26 Posts)
pinkchampagne Tue 21-Jul-09 16:21:21

Guess it is their child & their choice so shouldn't be an issue to me but not sure how I feel about it.

pinkchampagne Tue 21-Jul-09 16:22:20

I have always known I would be godmother, ex H was asked today

twopeople Tue 21-Jul-09 16:28:21

Message withdrawn

bigchris Tue 21-Jul-09 16:29:45


TheNonIronicCathKidstonGoat Tue 21-Jul-09 16:33:04

pinkchampagne you family never cease to amaze me with their inability to spare your feelings over your ex.

Brad79 Tue 21-Jul-09 16:33:45

I would not be very happy if it was my sister.

pinkchampagne Tue 21-Jul-09 16:39:51

Quite a complex situation really. Took my family a long time to accept separation as they feel close to ex h. Was over a year before they agreed to meet my new DP as they were worried about offending ex h. Ex h is still very involved with the children & I don't mind him seeing my family, but would rather it wasn't when I was round there. I have moved on & have a lovely DP who I have been with nearly 2 years & just not sure how I feel about it. It is not my baby though so I guess it is their choice.

bigchris Tue 21-Jul-09 16:40:52

your poor dp, he must feel so crap

pinkchampagne Tue 21-Jul-09 16:46:22

He has been very good about it but there were times when it all got to him as you can imagine. He is one of the reasons it is bothering me most. They have told me to explain to DP & give him the choice of whether he wants to come too but I am really not liking the thought of the whole situation. At the same time I don't feel it is my place to tell them who they can & can't have as godparents to their child. It's a very tricky one.

TheNonIronicCathKidstonGoat Tue 21-Jul-09 16:47:30

i think you are far too patient with them!

ScummyMummy Tue 21-Jul-09 16:55:39

Oh pc. It is stunningly crap and hurtful of her to do this. Well in keeping with your family's previous history, though. I would refuse to be godmother in those circs, tbh. Otherwise it's kind of endorsing their refusal to acknowledge that you've moved on.

pinkchampagne Tue 21-Jul-09 16:56:38

Do you?! I have lost it at times with them. Things have been a lot better recently & this feels like a big step back. At the same time I don't feel it is my place to butt in here as it isn't my child. They were very undecided about the godfather & then decided ex h was the person they would trust most. They have already asked him.

pinkchampagne Tue 21-Jul-09 17:02:22

Ohhh, it is really hard. I can see another family bust up on the cards. Surely they could have asked one of their friends rather than this. It was going to be bad enough having to invite DP to the christening & explain ex H would be there, but now having to tell him all that & that he has been chosen to be godfather!

CarGirl Tue 21-Jul-09 17:06:55

I think I would resign from the position tbh. State how you feel that Godparents have to be able to work together and you don't feel that you can.

It is so thoughtless and hurtful of them.

pinkchampagne Tue 21-Jul-09 17:17:25

They sort of explained it by saying it was difficult but they have known ex h such a long time & couldn't think of anyone they would trust more (why I have no clue!) & I felt I had to say that it was not my place to get angry as it was not my child or my decision. Didn't feel happy about it but didn't feel I had that much say. Wondered if I was being a bit petty & selfish by feeling so uncomfortable but after reading your responses I feel I should have said more & feel more churned up about the whole thing. Why choose him?!!

CarGirl Tue 21-Jul-09 17:22:36

I don't think you need to feel churned up & you shouldn't make a big thing out of it.

However if you're not happy sharing the role with him it is entirely reasonable to resign from the role. After all it's biblical you should be a peace with your fellow christians before taking communion together so I kind of think it's important that you are okay with your fellow Godparents......

pinkchampagne Tue 21-Jul-09 17:22:56

Oh how am I going to be able to tackle this one without major fireworks? Not possible is it? Help!

pinkchampagne Tue 21-Jul-09 17:26:46

Cross posts there, CC. Can see exactly what you are saying. Ex h & I aren't at each others throats at all so I don't have a problem there. Mainly I feel churned up for poor DP. It seems a big backward step when we have moved so far forward recently.

CarGirl Tue 21-Jul-09 17:30:53

I think you can still resign gracefully. I would just explain to your sister that you don't feel comfortable sharing the role under the circumstances and that you're sorry for any inconvenience it causes.

Your family should be respecting the role your new dp has in your life and this is quite a slap in your face.

Stopping the fireworks can be done by how you go about it and maintaining a dignified silence as much as possible.

TheNonIronicCathKidstonGoat Tue 21-Jul-09 17:34:14

i think they have done this deliberately (going by your past threads) don't beat yourself up about it. good luck

mamas12 Tue 21-Jul-09 18:17:32

To answer your post. Yes it would.
Can you not explain this at all to your sister? The only way I think they will take you seriously is to act seriously and say that it will not work being joint godparents as you are finding bieng joint parents a trial sometimes anyway.

Good luck

CarGirl Tue 21-Jul-09 18:20:05

perhaps just say that you don't feel that you can be joint Godparent with someone who got x to perform oral sex on him when he has no intention of seeing her ever again?

pinkchampagne Tue 21-Jul-09 18:40:55

Very true, CC! Have made my family aware of that. My mum seemed a little shockedm but mainly because of who it was (her friend's daughter!) but the rest of the family treated it like a big joke!

pinkchampagne Tue 21-Jul-09 19:57:40

Do I mention anything to DP about this yet? I really don't want to make him feel rubbish & we go away on Saturday - I want us to have a nice time, don't want to put a dampner on things.

pinkchampagne Tue 21-Jul-09 21:25:55

DP has just text me. I have to tell him they have asked ex h to be a godparent don't I? I feel so awful for DP though. I would hate it if one of his siblings had a baby christened & asked his ex wife to be godmother. Poor DP.sad

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