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So, xp is apparently happy with my exfriend and they are going public. How do I handle this ??

(13 Posts)
NervousNutty Sun 12-Jul-09 16:57:36

Her dc know that they are now bf & gf, and her ds is in my dd2's class. I asked xp if he was planning on telling our dc and he said yes, but I don't think he will, he will wait for her ds to spill the beans.

Because of all the trouble last time they got together, my dc do not like her, well Dd1&2 don't, Ds is too little to care. So I have told xp that he is not to see exfriend and the dc at the same time. Unreasonable maybe, but xp certainly doesn't give a shit about the dc's feelings, so someone has too. Plus exfriend is one of those people who can't string a sentence together without if including the F word.

So anyway, Dd2 will be the one most upset by this as she is very sensitive and also exfriends ds is in her class, and does so like to tell her tings like 'your daddy took us to the park' or similar.

So, other than hiring a hitman to take them both out, what do you suggest ??

KateyG Sun 12-Jul-09 17:32:12

hmm not been in a similar situation..but you may have to tell dc before they go to school and find out from exfriends ds..... Obviously xp should do this but there is no guarentees that it will happen and at the end of day it will be you that has to pick up the pieces. If dc's are old enough to understand etc then maybe its better for you to tell them in a way that will limit any fall out??

Just my opinion as I don't have any experience in this area...

Good luck doesn't sound like a nice situation...

Greensleeves Sun 12-Jul-09 17:33:35

I think I would tell them, just because at least that way you get to tell them gently, in your own way, and they get told by someone they trust and who they know they can talk to about it all.

It sounds very difficult sad

CarGirl Sun 12-Jul-09 17:35:25

Yep tell them that Daddy has said "x y z" I guess all you can do is tell them if they have a bad day to come home and they can tell you all about it.

NervousNutty Sun 12-Jul-09 18:14:20

I did think maybe I should tell them, but I hate that I should have to. It is always me that gets the shitty bits.

Dd2 has never forgotten the exfriend having a go at me and caling me all the names under the sun whilst I was stood waiting for the bus with my dc.

She has also never forgotten exfriends ds telling her that her daddy took him to the park and they went fishing in the pond.

I have never forgotten her asking me howcome he has never taken them fishing, or infact why he never takes them anywhere.

He just so doesn't care that this effects them at all.

He also told me that 'maybe it was time i found somone now'. I nearly choked on my spit I have to say. I mean, for ages he has jumped on me every time he thought I might be seeing someone and now that he is, he wants me to aswell.

Oh and exfriends mum, who I remained friends with has also been spreading stuff round about me and my kids. Apparently I have had a new bloke for ages, Dd1 is anorexic, dd2 has an attitude problem and Ds talks to me like crap.

I want to tell the lot of them to fuck right off, but I know that won't help.

Greensleeves Sun 12-Jul-09 18:38:34

It sucks that you have to

it sucks the sweat off a dead donkey's balls

He should behave like their father and do the right thing by them

BUT if he isn't going to, you want to do what's best and kindest for the kids - and they'll be much better off being told sensitively by someone who cares about them. And then they'll know they can come to you if her ds says anything to upset them or if they feel bad.

CarGirl Sun 12-Jul-09 18:39:24

I think I would start the conversation by "Has Daddy told you about his new gf, he said he would?"

NervousNutty Sun 12-Jul-09 18:43:30

Yes you are right.

I think dd1 has figured it out anyway, but I will sit them all down later and tell them.

Tommorow and Tuesday are not going to be easy for them as it is sports days, and Xp and gf are planning to go together afaik.

My lovely mum has taken two days off work so that I don't have to go and stand on my own like a lemon.

Greensleeves Mon 13-Jul-09 10:47:56

good luck at the sports day Nutty x

bigchris Mon 13-Jul-09 10:52:42

jesus!! it is all too close for comfort isn't it? how much longer will her dc be at school with yours? at least the dcs are wising up to what a twunt their dad is

NervousNutty Mon 13-Jul-09 13:12:23

Thanks Greeny, it went ok.

Xp rang last night and insisted that he wants to tell them his news, and assured me that her ds has been told not to say a word until xp has told them on Wednesday.

I asked him to confirm what exfriends mum had said about our kids as I was going to speak to her about it, and xp is now making out that he never told me anything and said if asked he will deny he told me anything.

Her eldest ds is in the same year as my dd2, so has two years left at the school. Her youngest is only in reception so he has ages left. Dd1 leaves this summer but I also have a Ds going into yr 2 so basically we will be bumping into each other for ages yet, unless I put them into another school which is a possibility at the moment.

Dd1 was not happy to see her dad at sports day this morning and refused to speak to him.

Ds's sports day tommorow so i'll be swallowing more rescue remedy before i go lol.

Greensleeves Mon 13-Jul-09 13:17:55

GOd he sounds like a dickless wonder

I think your dd1 has every right not to be pleased to see him, he will just have to learn that children don't stay little toddlers who can be fobbed off with a pat on the head. She's old enough to see his behaviour for what it is so, it serves him right if she's angry with him.

It must be really claustrophobic having kids at the same school as hers though, that would drive me mad

rescue remedy is fab, isn't it, I use it at times like this too!grin

NervousNutty Mon 13-Jul-09 13:24:56

It is yes grin I used it for the first time when I had my mock driving test last Sat and it worked wonders.

I was surprised by Dd1's reaction tbh as she is normally not bothered by what her dad does, but I think this time he has gone too far.
Dd2 doesn't know what to think, she is really torn i think.

The whole thing is just stressing me out alot and I feel constantly on edge. It doesn't help that her mum also lives opposite me so even in the hols she will be on the doorstep as she uses her mums garden alot, and then her kids play out the front.

Dd1 has now agreed that she will consider any house we are offered via mutual exchange, even if it means she has to change schools, so I am loking into that again.

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