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My son has his school induction tomorrow and we have no family/friendship support

(8 Posts)
chattysoul Wed 08-Jul-09 20:58:21

Hello to all of you

I am feeling very low because even though it it a big milestone my son starting school in September, when he is 4 and a half, he has two inductions over the coming week and then a parents questions session in addition.

I am feeling very low about it all because although I invited my ex to go to one of them he hasn't made a decision about it, to be honest I think he has forgotten.

He sees our son regularly based on a very confusing rota system involving weekends which vary from one month to the next, I try and get the weekend dates two months in advance so I have something to go on but it is never every other one or whatever, like some people have. However of course at least he does see our son and Joshua always comes home happy, and he has taken care of well enough.

The reason I am so upset is because I live in a really sleepy small town and I used to live in London for 25 years and now I have moved to a really boring place in between Derby and Nottingham. I have been up here one year and I am pretty miserable. I know two people in this town but they are not single parents so they don't understand any of my issues etc.

I have lived up here a year and really don't like this neighbourhood, it is a very insular place and Joshua, although he gets on well at nursery, he never has any friends to play with outside nursery hours. The neighbour for example regularly has her grandchildren over and would never think to invite them round, I did hint one day when I first got here but nothing came of it, and I don't see why I should bother to invite them over when they are there to visit their grandparents and that is the sole purpose of their visit so I don't see the point of trying to suggest that.

Forgive the rambling but I have visions of many happy familie/couples attending the school inductions and me and Joshua feeling on the fringe as usual. I can't imagine how I am going to feel tomorrow when I take him down there, to be honest I am now coming to dread it i.e. facing all those people with their extended networks etc. It is not a town with any outsiders in hardly probably 2 per cent of us or something! I tend to try and mix in places like Nottingham and other parts when I get the chance to get out and join in with activities etc.

I just can't believe my life is so shitty that when I come back tomorrow afternoon after the school induction I won't even have a single person in my life, despite 45 years on the planet, who will bother to enquire how the induction went, nor next week's ones either, I will just have to battle on with it and deal with it all on my own.

Normally I would spend a time chatting on the 'phone talking to my ex about it for a bit of moral support. However he was quite horrid Sunday evening, sometimes he gets very verbal (he has an anger management issue) and it is best avoiding him at times when he is like this. I am sick of relying on him to turn to for support simply because I have no family. My parents are dead and I am an only child, my cousins are all a lot older than me and I am only in telephone contact with one of them the others are a waste of time, long story. However I know she means well and she will ring me in a few weeks so that is at least one person who will bother.

I just can't take seeing others with their family package all gathered round, this happens a lot at the nursery too, I feel so out of it, I feel a total outsider and I just hate it here so so much. I would love to move back to the south of England again in a year or two absolute latest once I find a boyfriend from the south up here! There are a few of us up here, I joined a Buddhist group, you can meet a lot of nice people that way so there is some hope, it is quite diverse i.e. people come from different countries and different parts of England to the group, you can meet people there. I am quite open as a person to join in with groups you see, it is just this particular situation that is stressing me.

I only really have two friends up here in all this time. I just feel I am getting nowhere with my life.

Any thoughts as I am in bits over it all, any suggestions as to how to cope with the school inductions?

Thanks for reading this to anybody who took the time and trouble to do so and look forward to any comments if you can think of any!

Cheers.

chattysoul x

BirdyArms Wed 08-Jul-09 21:14:32

I recently went to ds1's school induction and there were very few children who had both parents there, it was mostly just mums. In fact the only people who stuck out were a couple who were arguing, he was shouting 'they are my f*ing children too, you don't want me to be here etc etc'.

You are obviously really fed up and I think that the most important thing is that you don't pass this on to your son. It's really important that he is happy and excited about starting school. Also if I were you I would try to view it as an opportunity to meet people.

Whether or not you like the look of the other parents there I think it would really help your son if you he met up with some of the children who will be in his class over the summer. Is anyone from his nursery going to school, if so I would invite them over to play - I find my own ds1 gets on well with children one on one even if he doesn't play with them at nursery. My own ds1 didn't know anyone who was going to his new school and I decided that I was going to get as many phone numbers as possible at the induction day and make sure that he knew a few children before he started. I'm quite shy but managed to get ohone numbers and am meeting up with onne mum and child in the park later this week.

I also think it sounds like you may be depressed though I have little experience. I'm sure others will advise you but I would suggest going to see your doctor.

I do feel so sorry for you and really hope that the induction days go really well for your son and that things look up for you soon.

BirdyArms Wed 08-Jul-09 21:18:38

...meant to say I got only two phone numbers at industion day and for mothers of girls rather than boys so not very impressive but I think knowing a couple of people is going to make a huge difference to my ds1. He's not that great at making friends for himself but is good at getting along with people if he's given a gentle shove.

abraid Wed 08-Jul-09 21:27:33

You are going to need to do something quite brave: you're going to have to pretend to be Mrs Thick-Skin Extrovert and make social overtures to the parents of any children your son shows an interest in.

You may have to make quite a lot of effort to start with but it will snowball, it really will.

Schools can be a great way of building up a family's social life. You could find that you make some good pals--both of you.

elastamum Thu 09-Jul-09 14:37:59

I know just how you feel. The same thing happened to me with us moving and my boys starting school with me as a LP and knowing no one. A year on things are just a tiny bit better but I have just done the end of term sports day / speech day picnics all on my own. Not great when your kids do a runner and leave you sitting all alone. In the end I took our dogs to sports day - we are allowed to! and this meant lots of people came up to chat and give them a cuddle as they are cute friendly labradoodles. Every time I meet a mum of a friend of my kids I ask for their number and I regularly invite friends round to play. I am gradually getting to know people and even get the occaisonal invite for coffee! where do you live chattysoul? I am also near to Derby although my boys are older 10,8 than yours

chattysoul Fri 10-Jul-09 19:20:42

Hello everybody

I am feeling a bit better now, actually it was quite a lowkey event, Joshua got on fine and there is another session Tuesday - then Thursday it is for the parents to ask any questions.

I think I will be relieved when it is all over and done with so I have got in the groove with it so to speak.

Elastamum I live in Long Eaton which I keep calling to myself a 'one horse town' - it is just so limiting after living in London for 25 years but then that was all I could afford after bringing up on my own since August 2005! It was the only money I had left to get this house. If you like email me on marieck05@btinternet.com to arrange to meet up sometime it would be good, and I absolutely love dogs!!!!

Thanks everybody for answering my moans and for bothering to listen!

Take care all and have a nice weekend, hope you have somebody to talk to, I won't as one friend didn't get back to me, another friend was busy and there is nothing going on in the local single parent website this weekend as the co-ordinator has left which is a real shame.... Oh well will just have to talk to the walls and come on here!

Thanks again everybody.

chattsoul x

CarGirl Fri 10-Jul-09 19:23:51

Be brave and join the PTA or offer to be the class rep, have you tried to find a local gingerbread group?

You won't be alone it's just a case of finding other, not easy I know.

Glad it went well - onwards & upwards.

sooey76 Wed 29-Jul-09 17:01:35

I am so like you. I split with my ex 2 1/2 years ago, I live in a small village where everyone is two faced and bitches about each other all the time.So have no friends, My mum abused me and I haven't had contact with her in 14 years. I am so lonely, even though I have 5 kids. But when your son starts school, he will make friends and then you'll find other parents to talk to. He'll get invited to birthdays parties and you'll soon mix with his friends mums.

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