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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

New relationship going abit eeeky

12 replies

notsohotchic · 02/07/2009 01:01

Oh dear, this is going to sound pathetic... I am totally in love with my bf of 10 months. (he has met and gets on with my children from xp, which is great, but obviously I am serious about this relationship and we both see it as long term) I decided to try cerazette after a couple of months, a progesterone only pill. This didn't suit me as I was bleeding for up to 4 weeks at a time with none of the expected improvement and less and less sex-drive inbetween! Hell! So I gave up after 4 awful months. Since then I have found that he now has no sex-drive and although we are very affectionate and cuddle and kiss, he doesn't seem to want to be sexual any more beyond the odd snog. How do you manage this? I keep feeling devastatingly rejected (he always says he is too tired or else has some minor discomfort, backache etc...)and upset and I know I'm wrong to but I keep having strops about it and asking him whats wrong, if he doesn't find me attractive anymore etc.. He is 39 and I am 34. He said today that the more I react badly the less sexy he feels! HELP!!
I've done the sexless marriage and I don't want to go there again!! I am soo frustrated! ANYONE out there had similar experiences, NEW lovely relationships not being perfect enough? I was very happy single and full of vitality. Now I just feel like: is this worth the huge effort and amount of faith needed when you introduce him to your children etc.

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sunshine13 · 02/07/2009 12:15

I think it;s your pill that is making you have alack of a sex drive. i love my pill. I swear it keeps me sane! Im on the combined pill. I;d go and speak to your doc.

If you havent got a sex drive then your OH is going to feel rejected and not bother and may start to have wandering eyes.

I think it's got naff all to do with children- just a basic thing that you need to have in a relationship. SEX. Anyone says that sex doesnt matter in a relationship is talking ar7se!

If i were you, i'd get thee to the docs then go to Ann Summers and give him a night to remember.

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ninah · 02/07/2009 13:13

sunshine did you read post? op does have sex drive, it's her 'oh' who doesn't!
I wouldn't be happy with this after 10 months either. The thing that concerns me most about your bf's attitude is that he seems quite controlling, saying that your behaviour leads him to find you less sexy etc. Don't think that's right at all.

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notsohotchic · 02/07/2009 13:39

Hmm, I have been trying to stay alert to controlling behaviour, as my Xp was a pro at that. Do you think he is trying to deny responsibility for his feelings/behaviour?

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Iklboo · 02/07/2009 13:41

How was it before the pill episode?

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Claire2009 · 02/07/2009 13:45

maybe he's scared of getting you preg so not wanting sex?

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notsohotchic · 02/07/2009 13:48

Before the pill it was still in the sex every time we got together ball-park! I know that NEVER lasts (!) but I honestly didn't expect this.

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sunshine13 · 02/07/2009 13:48

think you're reading too much into this.
Just ask him what the matter is, rather than psycho analyse.

Molehill... moutain.

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notsohotchic · 02/07/2009 14:10

Yes the preg possibility fear has occurred to me, especially since he's been spending time with my offspring! Yes I am going to discuss this with him. But its not a molehill: we haven't done the deed for at least 2 months!

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sunshine13 · 02/07/2009 14:38

I would have def said something before.
Talk to him asap. Good luck.

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notsohotchic · 02/07/2009 15:03

Yes, I will, yes I did say plenty before but as I said in op, I asked him whats wrong and he didn't want to talk.

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sparkybint · 04/07/2009 15:50

Just seen this, 10 months def too soon not to be having sex - like you it would make me feel rejected and unattractive. What contraception are you using now then? Is it condoms and he hates them? You need to discuss it and get to the bottom of it but it may just be that he's got hang-ups about certain methods of contraception. My ex BF hated condoms from the start and couldn't keep a hard-on so it's possible.

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notsohotchic · 06/07/2009 14:41

Hmm, condoms. Yep, not so good for me and obviously he preferred the freedom when I was on the pill. But it was during the pill taking that the sex-drought began! So aithough they are annoying, can't blame them eg. we used them all the time for first weeks. Things have been a bit better since my op. But still no sex!